moish u.k. wrote:


yeah but if i wrote football the americans would think of something different. this way everyone knows what game im talking about

I know, they get it all wrong...

They even think we drive on the wrong side of the road

you do. in israel although they also call soccer football at least they drive on the right side of the road

on a more serious note B"H its been a little while since ive acted out which for me is amazing that ive been making it through this rough patch without making it worse. Hashem is amazing. thing is for almost a week in a row now ive been having vivid dreams about acting out. not fantasies just seeing myself in the grips of a lust attack. theyve always stopped before anything happened. im looking at this as a bracha. a reminder of how i am in the middle of lusting without the actual lusting. ive been trying to step up my shemiras einayim during the day.

hope everyone has a great shabbos
avi

Good for you, on that little while!!
Keep up the good spirits, and certainly don't let those dreams put you down. And keep up the Shemiras Einayim as well, it's one of the best tools we have!!

Those dreams are common. I had them too and when I would wake up, I would remind myself that it was just a dream, I'm still ok. They will most likely stop soon.

if anyone was in meron and saw a chabad guy with someone else's elbow up his nose it might have been me! (ive never been successful at sticking my own elbow up my nose)
in all seriousness meron was awesome. i stuck to why i was there which was RASHBI.

hi people
just wanted to check in. i recently started doing some other things aside from just yeshiva. work school stuff like that. on one hand im loving it on the other hand im feeling overwhelmed and scared. ive been doing some CBT as well as seeing a therapist and it has been helping. i gotta remember that what i feel and reality are very often two very different things.
hope all is well with you guys
avi

i think this is the longest ive gone since ive joined GYE without spending some time on the forum. life has been very busy B"H. in terms of lusting Hashem has given some time since the last fall but other areas of my life need some work. getting back on the forum and reading some posts that were written just for me is like a breath of fresh air.
hatzlacha
avi
(oh yeah, got some david burns books)

Just a word of warning: It is common for people in our situation to begin to think that we have been successful in eradicating the temptation after having been clean for so long. This is a trick of the Yetzer Harah to get us to let our guards down, and in some cases, to even try to test ourselves.

Don't fall for it.

It is not really our business if we are over it. We need to be on guard whether we are or not.

Hatzlacha!

the temptation is DEFINITELY not gone. something that happened this morning reminded that very strongly. with Hashems help i didnt act on it. some of the other bad habits i have i do still act on.
"we aim for spiritual progress not spiritual perfection" (big book)
something Dov told me which is a constant struggle for me is that i have to accept that i am mediocre. i find that many of my problems come from a warped self image and unrealistic expectations of myself. i dont want to just be a normal guy and that (on a good day) is all that i am

Thanks it's helpful to know the temptation is still there, I've made 100 days clean, and was starting to get down that the temptation is still there really strong. ( I written this already in a few places now)
One thing I don't get, why shouldn't we aim to be the best we can be, as in "I so nearly perfect it scares me!"

israel613120 wrote:


When you become a malach then you can be perfect, up until that time you cannot and will not be perfect. Striving for that perfection that you will not reach is only setting yourself up for disappointment. You should strive to be the best you can be, absolutely. But you have to realize that is not the same thing as perfect.

We are adama, and will always have our adama urges, the difference becomes in how we let those urges carry us and dictate to us. I am very happy that you made it to 100+ days, but you are still aways away from being cured and normal, let alone perfect.

Perfection means never doing anything wrong, knowing everything, being everywhere... Only Hashem is Perfect. We are meant to strive to be God-like, not to be God. That is impossible, even theoretically.

However we do have the idea of perfection, which motivates us, and guides us. It is how we know what is right and wrong, and which general direction to go in.

Ask yourself this: Do I want to strive for perfection because I love myself, or do I want perfection because only then will I be able to love myself? If the second option is the one that resonates with you more, that attitude will prevent you from being happy unless you modify it. Nothing will ever be good enough. If you choose the first option, you will experience growth as an enjoyable process. Each step forward will be a delight, and each step backward will not be crushing.

In davening on shabbos, we say that Moshe was happy with the gift Hashem gave him (the Torah), because he was called an eved ne'eman. We see from here that it is not a person's accomplishments that make him happy. The fact that Moshe merited to receive the Torah, with all of its cosmic significance, not to mention fame, was not in itself what made him happy. Rather, it was an internal sense that he was serving Hashem. We don't necessarily need to learn all of Shas, or be totally free from sin in order to be happy. We simply need to engage as much as we can in the service of Hashem - which may include failing and getting back up again. And everyone's avodah is unique.

syataDshmaya wrote:

israel613120 wrote:

@siyata thatks i really need to hear that right now. going from the second option to the first is something i am really struggling with right now
@israel there is a story with the maggid of mezritch who was taking a long time to start tekios on rosh hashana, rav shneur zalman of liadi noticed that the maggid was looking down and asked what was wrong. the maggid replied that he had not reached a certain level in the kavanos for the shofer blowing. rav shneur zalman answered that when the maggid reached that level he would then see a higher level that he had yet to reach. the maggid agreed and immediately started tekias shofer.
my point is being the best we can be is only the best we can be at this given moment. tomorrow we have an entirely different best we can be.
one more point to what may be my longest post yet, for me what's hard to accept is that the best i can be and perfection are not going to be the same thing. i want my best to BE perfect and accepting myself and that this is the best that I can do and that thats okay has been my struggle for as long as i can remember

I highly recommend Dr Sorotzkin's articles and audio on perfectionism.

You can get it at www.drsorotzkin.com/ .

Enjoy!