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Clean since a significant date?
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TOPIC: Clean since a significant date? 397 Views

Clean since a significant date? 28 Feb 2013 03:53 #202831

  • friendlyjew
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I was wondering if anyone else had thought about this:

[Context: I just joined GYE today and am making a fresh attempt at getting clean. There is no special significance to today's date for me.]

In past attempts to stop, I often told myself that it would be easier if I stopped on a specific date, one which held significance, like the first of Elul, Rosh Hashana, my birthday, etc. That way I could look back and tell myself "I've been clean since [specific date], I should be proud of myself" and gain chizuk from it. I think I also hoped that my attempt would be more successful if I started it on a day with some sort of segula for success.

On the other hand, maybe it was all just a clever ploy by my yetzer hara to postpone my attempts at getting clean, since there will always be a 'better' date on which to stop. Maybe a sense of accomplishment can be derived from a number of days clean just as well as from a specific date. And maybe hoping for the help of a good day on which to stop was a way of evading feeling a sense of responsibility for my own actions on every individual day.

Does anyone have any experience with this idea, or has heard of it either helping or hindering someone?
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2013 03:55 by friendlyjew.

Re: Clean since a significant date? 28 Feb 2013 07:20 #202841

Welcome, sounds interesting, yes the yetzer hara has many ploys, I tried the other way round this time. I started on non specific day, but it turned out that by Purim I reached just over 30 days. So that means by pesach...

I reached the 30 days before Purim, hoping to feel more spiritual than ever before, but nothing!! pretty sure that's the Y.H at play. he's saying "30's no real big deal, I could get you to fall if I wanted"
So yes I still feel in his clutches and could fall, it's literally one day at a time, the main thing keeping me going is the fear of falling and starting all over again on the "wall of honour- 90 days"
So by all means choose a significant day or any old day, but I beleive the 90 days is a pretty strong tool, so try it if you haven't signed up.
We are not fighting the YH as a process to get through in order to be able to get back to normal life; the fight wih the YH is the essence of our existence - Hopeing

Re: Clean since a significant date? 28 Feb 2013 13:41 #202843

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I have never had that thought about this in particular, tried it other areas though and it never really worked.
But in regard to this, they say here "one day at a time" doesn't make a difference which day, even the 90 days chart is a milestone, not a goal.
Also, if you start today, the first day of being clean, what greater day can there be than that? the day you are becoming yourself again, the day of your real life!!
Hatzlacha!!!
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Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
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Re: Clean since a significant date? 28 Feb 2013 15:33 #202846

  • moish u.k.
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I can relate to this type of thinking. For me, this is just a way of procrastinating.

Today is the most significant day for me, because i only have today. I don't have tomorrow, i don't have yesterday.

Its not about "how many days am i sober?", but "how sober am i today?"

If the most significant thing about my sobriety is when i became sober, or how long ago it was, then i'm not very focused on my sobriety TODAY.

Thanks for sharing, and wellcome aboard.

Moish

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 00:53 #202879

  • chaimcharlie
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I tried stopping on significant dates for 10 years. Now I'm sober since 28 Tishrai. I think that picking a good date was part of my sickness, as if I would decide what will be the time I will quit. I can't stop, every sane day is a gift from Hashem....

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 01:18 #202881

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being sober from ... is significant
being sober till ... is malodorous
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 06:04 #202898

Agreed, 'sober till' sounds like, once I get there I can do what I like.
But how about, by Rosh Hashana for example , I'd like to reach my milestone of 90 days? Then a totally sober Rosh Hashana...
is there anything wrong with this kind of thinking?
Of course once the 90, is reached and passed, to keep on growing and adding day by day.
We are not fighting the YH as a process to get through in order to be able to get back to normal life; the fight wih the YH is the essence of our existence - Hopeing

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 15:01 #202912

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It's all a ploy of the yetzer hora. I have been sober since 19th Adar 2 5771, exactly 2 years. That is a very special date - now. I could have waited until Pesach or Lag Beomer, chas vesholom. How about if me and me mates beat you up with baseball bats and steal all your money a few times a week until you find a day significant enough to buy a gun?

Hatzlacha!
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 15:51 #202915

  • moish u.k.
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Well said, BB.

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 23:21 #202930

there is a phenomenon that occurs with drug addicts (mamash, like hard drugs). when something occurs that they are forced into recovery (sometimes occurs voluntarily, and it is questionable if forcing someone in could work ever), they sometimes dont want to. they may accept that "life is floundering, that they absolutely cant do this anymore. but totally clean--why would anyone want that?" so just before they go inpatient for detox they go all out. I havent seen stats, but I have heard that many overdoses happen like this. this is the last chance for fun-and boy is it fun. perhaps not the next day, but they really enjoy themselves, at least they think they did, if they can remember anything. if I may ask...how does this relate to your addiction. is it better to go all out, building up momentum and enjoying yourself until a day where you will reluctantly and somewhat forcibly stop, for however long? or as soon as you realize that it's a problem, say "I cant do this anymore. I have to stop...NOW"... I feel my answer is obvious.

Re: Clean since a significant date? 01 Mar 2013 23:27 #202933

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Counting is generally "count"er productive .

That is not to say you can't celebrate a milestone, but if you are all hung up about certain days, you will never get to the milestone anyway.

Re: Clean since a significant date? 12 Mar 2013 03:08 #203397

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Always remember this my friends: Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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