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TOPIC: I failed... 364 Views

I failed... 24 Jan 2013 15:07 #201316

  • tikounberith
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Yesterday, I was alone at home. My wife was out and my son was sleeping...
I closed my guemara because I remembered a video I saw some weeks ago on the Net.
I turned on my computer and saw immoral video. I didn't have a real needs, just the wish to see this video.

How can I do that to Hachem ?! I closed Its holly guemara for such awful things !
In a maamar on the Teshuva, Rav H'aïm Friedlander quotes the guemara that at the end of time, everyone will go the hesped of Yester hara where men and women will be separated.
He asked while such a separation ? If there is no yetser hara, there is no attraction between men and women. He answered by saying that people will fail due to the pratice of the issur.

Yesterday, I was in this situation, not a physical need, just a wish to go back to my practices...
Do you have some tips to leave this situation ?

Re: I failed... 24 Jan 2013 23:58 #201344

  • Divrei Chaim
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Dear tikounberith,

Welcome. No, no, no. You did not fail. In the last GYE shmeris hoeynaim email it says:


Lessons of Failure

Posted by "Yechidah"


Failure does not mean I'm a failure;
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.


Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing;
It does mean I have learned something.


Failure does not mean I have disgraced;
It does mean I have dared to try.


Failure does not mean I don't have it;
It does mean I have something to do in a different way.


Failure does not mean I am inferior;
It does mean I am not perfect.


Failure does not mean I have wasted my life;
It does mean that I have an excuse to start over.


Failure does not mean that I should give up;
It does mean that I should try harder.


Failure does not mean that I will never make it;
It does mean that I need more practice.


Failure does not mean that you have abandoned me;
It does mean that you must have a better idea.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Without strong filters on your computer you do not have any chance in this nisayon. You could give the password to the filter gabbay of GYE or maybe to your wife. Webchaver (webchaver.com) is also an excellent program. As you would be ashamed if your wife or your rebbe or someone else you repsect would figure out about you seeing p*.

This is the GYE standard welcome message:


Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!


I hope you read this megille.

Re: I failed... 27 Jan 2013 13:26 #201438

  • chaimcharlie
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I forgot the cool sounding saying, but it's something like "the winner is the one who keeps coming back", or something similar.

Hashem knows that sometimes we fall, that's why teshuvah is built in to Torah, we just need to keep on trying and working on it. Especially if your'e an addict (which you may or may not be, that's Dov's department), we addicts are completely powerless, falls are just the norm...

All the best!!!!

Re: I failed... 28 Jan 2013 15:06 #201473

  • MBJ
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tikounberith wrote:
Yesterday, I was alone at home. My wife was out and my son was sleeping...
I closed my guemara because I remembered a video I saw some weeks ago on the Net.
I turned on my computer and saw immoral video. I didn't have a real needs, just the wish to see this video.

How can I do that to Hachem ?! I closed Its holly guemara for such awful things !
In a maamar on the Teshuva, Rav H'aïm Friedlander quotes the guemara that at the end of time, everyone will go the hesped of Yester hara where men and women will be separated.
He asked while such a separation ? If there is no yetser hara, there is no attraction between men and women. He answered by saying that people will fail due to the pratice of the issur.

Yesterday, I was in this situation, not a physical need, just a wish to go back to my practices...
Do you have some tips to leave this situation ?


Wow, I can relate to that so much. I don't know how many times I looked at shmutz on the interent and mb just because I was bored and "felt like it" because I had nothing better to do. Even sometimes closing a sefer to do it. Then I would ask myself, "Well, why did I do that for? I didn't have any overpowering urges."

I wish I could give you some great advice, but I don't have any. The only thing that worked for me, was the realization that I didn't have to do it, just because I felt like it. It sounds so simple now, but it was a huge step for me.

It even still happens that my hands will wander out of habit, and I have to stop myself. The difference is now, I do stop myself, whereas 5 months ago I would have said "I already started I might as well finish, and let me look at some porn to make it worth my while."

Hatzlacha
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov
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