Hey guys,
So I don't really post on the forum as much as I probably should, but I'm having some trouble and would like some help.

I've recently become more intimately aware of how much I need real recovery. I've been wanting to get into the 12 steps for real this time. In the past, I've danced around the idea, reading the steps, talking about doing it. But I'm fairly certain that if I don't do it, I will not recover ever. I will eventually act out into oblivion.

Anyway, the last thing I want to do is have an electronic version of the big book, or any other recovery material for that matter. So I began to search furiously, trying every bookstore from my area to an hour away. Nothing. The most I could find was a medium sized green book with nothing on the cover. It's called "Sex Addicts Annonymous." I figured, it was better than nothing, so I bought it and started reading. Anyway, I began to read the book, and it was shocking how true it was to my life and my addiction. Almost every instance and example it mentioned spoke directly to something I'd done in the past (sometimes even recently). The way my addiction made me feel, the way I would get suckered back into it, the way acting out made sense to me in the moment, everything. I struck me that this path (the 12 steps) might actually work for me. After all, up to this point, it's hit everything on the head like nothing else ever has. Why wouldn't it do what it says its going to do.

There's one problem, which I found myself in about 30 min. ago. I read the book up through the introduction, and then it began to give an overview of the steps. I got to step one, and it talked about how many people have trouble doing step 1 alone. In fact, the whole point of step 1 is to begin us getting out of the "isolation mode" that our addiction has put us in. I realized I couldn't just read this book and expect it to change me like that. I needed to actually work through these steps how they mean for me to. So I'm now looking for a real fellowship, but there is none in my area. Bummer. I'm trying to figure out how to work out going to a phone conference, but I've never done anything like that before, and they all seem to require a Big Book. There's several online (which is apparently the only place to get one), and I don't want to get the wrong one. I want to begin my recovery, and I want to do it as best as I can, and I want to start now.

Any help out there?

I believe the big book can be downloaded from this website onto your computer free, or you can buy a real hard copy at amazon and the number for the calls is also on this website.

Dear meshugoyim,

Your note was great. If u'd like, you and I can talk this over by phone (tonight or tomorrow is good for me). Are you familiar with SA meeting locations in your area? There are hundreds of frum guys in SA and many are doing well, b"H. I would be glad to get you in contact with a frum, sober SA guy in your area, if there are any, and he would be able to speak with you abt meeting locations and other questions you may have.

In the mean time, I know of a phone conference or two that you could join without owning an AA Big Book, or any book. In fact, there are no actual meetings I know of that require owning a book. Bringing yourself is the ikkar, and opening up and getting current, establishing recovery relationships, and getting a sponsor to help you work the steps the way he did - those are some of the first things that meetings give us.

You can do this. And if you go to 5 or 6 meetings and see this is not for you, then you lose nothing. The guys who are there will most likely be even more protective of your anonymity than you will.

Whatever u decide: Hatzlocha!

- Dov

Thanks,
Sorry about the late reply. Fortunately, my wife and I have been very busy, primarily getting things done together, meaning no time to get alone/act out. The phone conferences sound great. I'm looking at my schedule and trying to coordinate times every week to attend. Thanks for the reply. Also, I would like to get your number if it's still ok. Any connection is good connection.

Shalom