Sorry I haven't posted here in a while.
I was at Rav Shlachter today and I will iy'h post today's session first,followed by an attempt to record my last 2 sessions that I missed posting here (due to the Rav himself).

Today we discussed feelings.
But first,we will review the three basics of life.
Fear
Control
Trust
According to his opinion (and i challenged it to no end till i saw its truth) life basically revolves around these three things.
We have fear (insecurities and such) and we need a feeling of security.A feeling of being emotionally alive. Existential security. The most fundamental thing of all.
We oftentimes run to "controls",illusionary forms of escape.This could be:sex,shutting down,food,alcohol,sleep,depression,etc...
The knaitch is that if we would just not run to those controls,and be aware of our fear,naturally this would lead to a feeling of trust.We'd find trust naturally.Just being honest with ourselves and with how we feel and that we're doing the right thing by being real would give us the courage to face our fears.
Because the more we turn to these "controls" the less we trust and know how to trust.

And in that manner,we discussed emotions and being honest with yourself about how you feel.
I am feeling a strong sense of insecurity.
I feel helpless.
I feel afraid.
I feel angry.

Get this...
The more you run from a fear,the more it controls you.
Because now you've "sealed" your fate. You can't face this fear.You will always be on the defense from it, and will always be worried that it will creep up on you.
We are handing control over to the porn.
Shver.
Let it go.

Rav Shlachter has full faith that anyone who undertakes to be real with themselves aout their emotions and accept them and how strong they are will advance greatly in this healing.

thank you Uri

Uri, this is such gevaldig, precious stuff. If I ever make a book one day, I'd like to have a chapter called "My Meetings with a sex addiction therapist" - By Uri.

More from tonight's meeting which I forgot to post earlier...

What happens when you see a good looking girl and you want her?
You feel (subconciously,usually) your insecurity and you want her (to feel control of your insecurity) and we HATE the fact that we are shaken up by this girl.
So we escape to our little world of sex and porn where we are "in control".
Maybe at that moment just take note of your feeling of insecurity.
Go build your security in life instead of crumbling it more.
Live life with all the fears that come with it.
Don't worry about later.Even about falling later.Especially about falling later.
You'll deal with later when later comes up.
Just wing it.

Uri wrote on 12 Nov 2009 22:09:


Hmmm....

why does desire mean insecurity? I think I can relate to this...as in, maybe there is an aspect of life which I am missing? As in, not being able to accept my own genuine desires?

???

Well,in general that's where sex differs from other addictions,because there's natural desire in there as well.but "lust" i think in general is a form of security.and i speak of the insecurity of how much it affects you and makes you NEED,and we hate how this girl ruined our day just because we cant have her.

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yechidah wrote on 17 Sep 2009 14:56:

The above post was a humorous way of bumping this thread

This thread is awesome. I feel like quoting each post separately so they get read, from #1 and on.

If you are bored and need a ninth candle, this thread is it - check it out. 

Is is there any specific post here that you appreciate (besides for yechida hanging somebody)?