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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Getting started 2564 Views

Re: Getting started 06 Sep 2009 19:31 #16127

  • bardichev
NOORAH PLEASE TIERE HEILIGEH TZADDIK

ZEI AZOI GITT
( BE KIND)

SHRABB AH LANGER NOORAH POST

OK SOHOIN!
Last Edit: by Anonymouswife.

Re: Getting started 07 Sep 2009 14:23 #16262

  • helpless
Noorah BAmram wrote on 06 Sep 2009 16:01:

The minhag here is that we don't tell other people what to do - rather we share what worked for us ;D


Not to be rude but I did not come here to make friends. I am here to get better. Tell it like it is. Dont hold back.

Noorah BAmram wrote on 06 Sep 2009 16:01:

I wasn't succesfull in sobriety until I gave the password to my wife and told her that the I just found out that the  halacha is,  it is "yichud" for a man to be.    with an unfiltered internet conection.


I need to figure out a way to do this. I think this would add an extra fence that would be helpful.

Noorah BAmram wrote on 06 Sep 2009 16:01:

Since then thru the kindness of the Almighty it has been 5 months that I'm clean! one day @ a time


Extremely impressive. I am on day 3 and am really struggling. I listened to Rabbi Reismans shiur last night and found it encouraging. I now realize I was/am not in control of myself.
Last Edit: by MW.

Re: Getting started 07 Sep 2009 14:55 #16266

  • kedusha
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Dear Blessed,

As others have said, you need to have your wife choose the password.  Furthermore, the e-mail address given to K9 (where the password will be sent should it be lost) must be one that you have no access to - preferably your wife's.

As to why you need this protection, there are several reasons you can give.  First, as noted by others, countless Rabbanim have said that there is an Issur Yichud for men to be alone with an unfiltered computer.  These Rabbanim aren't only speaking to us - they wouldn't trust themselves either (otherwise, the comparison to an Issur Yichud would be imprecise).  So, you can tell your wife that you're not better than Rav Matisyahu Solomon (e.g.).  Second, you want to set a good example for the children.  

Hatzlacha!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by zelmaxxx.

Re: Getting started 08 Sep 2009 02:25 #16434

  • helpless
I will figure out a way to get the K9 pass word to my wife. I agree that is an important fence.

Because I have unfiltered access at work I am vulnerable during the day. I am going to try and install K9 on that computer but it might not be that simple.

I am closing in on finishing day 3 clean. I did slip a little today but was stopped (there is no doubt in my mind that I was sent a hand to pick me up as I was falling. Pretty incredible) before I fell down.

I found that I 'gave up' and decided to fall down after getting upset at my wife. I am sure that will happen again in the future and am not sure how to build that fence.

How some of you have made it a few weeks, let alone 90 days, is beyond me. Very inspiring.
Last Edit: by clmoss09.

Re: Getting started 08 Sep 2009 02:55 #16438

  • helpless
I just told my wife that for a man to have internet when alone might be yichud. She just shrugged and said "most men dont look at porn".

This is not going to be easy.
Last Edit: by Withhashemshelp.

Re: Getting started 08 Sep 2009 03:05 #16440

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blessed wrote on 08 Sep 2009 02:55:

I just told my wife that for a man to have internet when alone might be yichud. She just shrugged and said "most men dont look at porn".

This is not going to be easy.


Gosh, I didn't expect such naivete.  Just say that you don't want to come across anything accidentally.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: 08 Oct 2009 00:10 by anonnnn.

Re: Getting started 08 Sep 2009 18:35 #16660

  • helpless
I am now halfway through day 4. The feeling is tremendous.

What scares me is how quick I can fall. I know that when that feeling arrives I am not in control anymore. I also know that I will always be able to find a way to get some help in my fall. K9 on my home computer? so what? I have a phone to use, places to go, etc.

How do we stop ourselves then?
Last Edit: by galui vyadua.

Re: Getting started 08 Sep 2009 19:10 #16672

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You're allowed to fall.  TOMORROW.

Imagine that if you fall today, you will forfeit your house, your car, and all your property.  You will be sent into exile, never to see your family and friends again.  Your daily lot, for the rest of your life will be hard labor and torture.  On GOOD days, you will have a crust of bread to eat and a few ounces of water.  Anyone have anything to add?

On the other hand, if you fall tomorrow, there are no consequences.  Take your pick.
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by Daniel3.

Re: Getting started 09 Sep 2009 12:46 #16864

  • helpless
I fell.

I could just walk away from GYE and give up but I really do not want to do that. I need to continue to build those fences. I did make it a few days. Next stretch will be longer.
Last Edit: by The Flash.

Re: Getting started 09 Sep 2009 13:59 #16880

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Dear Blessed,

Your positive attitude is important for getting right back on track.

By the way, when I gave you permission yesterday to fall "tomorrow," I was hoping you'd realize that, once "tomorrow" is here, it becomes today!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
Last Edit: by Will win!.

Re: Getting started 09 Sep 2009 14:10 #16883

  • helpless
From reading many of the posts on this forum I question if I can do this in a similar way as everyone else. While I want to do "Teshuva", I am here to get better so I can be a happier person and have a better marriage/life.

Maybe I should say more Tehilim and see if eventually it has an impact on me......
Last Edit: by yisraeld.

Re: Getting started 09 Sep 2009 15:33 #16907

  • battleworn
Holy brother blessed! First of all, you should realize that you were BLESSED with a very holy neshomoh, and you will see that the more you get involved the more it will shine!

Second of all, the spirit here is contagious. It has a varying incubation period, but it always brakes out sonner or later JUST DON'T RUN AWAY!!!

Thirdly, lust addiction is a total KILLER; stopping is not a luxury it's your life!!!
Last Edit: by smartnorth411.

Re: Getting started 09 Sep 2009 16:46 #16917

  • bardichev
IMAGINE YOU ARE RIDING A BIKE

REGULAR BIKE

IF YOU STOPPP TO PEDAL YOU FALL

KEEP ON PEDDLING

Last Edit: by matzavspectator.

Re: Getting started 05 Oct 2009 03:39 #21883

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Kedusha wrote on 08 Sep 2009 03:05:

blessed wrote on 08 Sep 2009 02:55:

I just told my wife that for a man to have internet when alone might be yichud. She just shrugged and said "most men dont look at porn".

This is not going to be easy.


Gosh, I didn't expect such naivete.  Just say that you don't want to come accross anything accidentally.


Maybe ask her to listen to this from Rabbi Mechel Twerski: 

www.bethjehudah.org/audio/RMT_Internet_speech_Baltimore.mp3
Last Edit: by SoulShubh.

Re: Getting started 05 Oct 2009 03:45 #21884

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Kedusha wrote on 07 Sep 2009 14:55:

Dear Blessed,

As others have said, you need to have your wife choose the password.  Furthermore, the e-mail address given to K9 (where the password will be sent should it be lost) must be one that you have no access to - preferably your wife's.

As to why you need this protection, there are several reasons you can give.  First, as noted by others, countless Rabbanim have said that there is an Issur Yichud for men to be alone with an unfiltered computer.  These Rabbanim aren't only speaking to us - they wouldn't trust themselves either (otherwise, the comparison to an Issur Yichud would be imprecise).  So, you can tell your wife that you're not better than Rav Matisyahu Solomon (e.g.).  Second, you want to set a good example for the children.

Hatzlacha!


Dear Kedusha,

I am not aware of countless rabbonim who hold that there is an actual issur of yichud. (However, that does not diminish the problem.) If you are,
please let me know who they may be. Thanks.



Regarding adding issurim, please see what the Chaye Odom brings down about potatoes. I don't have it in front of me, but he brings down, on the bottom, from a seifer, "Boruch Hashem that there were no potatoes (ed. at least known) in the times of Chazal, because they then would have assured them as kitniyos".

To me it's mashma that even though they would have, since they did not[i], there is no problem - as far as kitniyos goes.

Again, it cannot be stressed  enough that there are other reasons to treat the internet as if indeed it was a problem with yichud --- and then some!
Last Edit: 29 Nov 2009 23:26 by momo123.
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