19 days clean.

@Kevin: 5 NIS.
@Gevura:
, sorry, what?? :D could you be poteach the rashe teyvos?

btw, guys/GYE's. did you forget the topic? the topic was "for how long by now". why nobody is keeping us up to date about the progress?

Keep Up The Good Work!

and

Keep On Monstuh Trucking!!!

Aaahh. thank you, gevura

Btw, chevra. I think we should vote one day about increasing the severity of knasim =)
efshar at least for the hot summer. with all this half-nacked goyim walking around.

I was going home (from shul) with bike today. it took me soooo long. oooy. i had to stop so many times to close my eyes for 10 sec... or to be very slow, cuz i couldnt really look in any direction.

KOBT (=baby trucking)

362 days sober by SA standards. 81 days on the GYE chart.

I bike a lot too. I made a commitment to keep my eyes focused on where I'm going and not to look around at the people to the side etc. Same when driving. Of course it's hard when the biker right in front of me is eye candy. And when I get a glimpse of someone I force myself to look away and I say to myself "I surrender my right to look and lust, I don't need or want it". It works, I don't need to understand how.

Okay, now its finally the time to clear the following question. WHAT IS SA??? looking forward for the explanation. i was bothered by it already enough, i think.

well last night i was very lusty as i went to bed as well- as previously looking at halfnaked women on the internet as a result of a previous lust attack.i called a sponsor and he encouraged me and i fell asleep ok relatively.i woke up at 3.40 in the morning bc bochurim were talking outside my room.i felt lust come on hard and i struggled four times whether to go through.'i cant let them down'-'who cares' back forward.eventually i just couldnt and i launched into a sickening unpleasurable spree...
my sponsor said that he doesnt consider falling after waking up aroused a fall but im nearly sure that i awoke only bc of the talking.i feel terrible. its the only time that my lust has affected anyone else in a real way.
im sorry.on the one hand im discouraged from carrying on bc i dont like the fact i obligated you guys to pay.on the other hand if i stop i might go crazy and also maybe now that i fell i have more motivation to toe the line.
i always hated waking up in the night bc your defences are down bc you have been sleeping and your thinking process and defence ,mechanisms arent strong.
just my endles string of useless excuses
whast dou think of all this?

Dear TMC!
1st of all. its truly very sad that u fell. but WHAT DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH NACHAS YOU (I ASSUME) GAVE TO HASHEM BEFORE YOU GAVE IN, EH??? if i understood right you won 3 of 4 fights.. okay, the final battle you've lost, but you showed haShem that you want to fight. That is my problem also when i start to fall slowly.
we just do not appreciate this small (or big) fights with the evil inclanation, that we win.
we think (at least i do) "OY WEY, now zera came out (because of bad thoughts) I've lost. who cares that i dont go and do it beyadayim...ah :'(" and than our yetzer, our happy yetzer brings us to fall deeper and TO DO it beyadayim. grr.
2nd. I think you are a tayrer Yid! dont dare to stop and leave us!
3rd. well. see point 1 one more time

at tit'yaesh! we are with you (so for we can).
r"t
chatzlocho!

rt im so jealous of you i really feel i just want to quit and fall hard i cant stand this struggle.im so advanced in other things in life and now im literally stuck forever with this addiction....

Dear reb Yid, if it wouldn't be so serious, i would laugh. jealous of what exactly? I mean, I have everything I need, baruch haShem (even though chaza"l tell us in yevomos, that me she eyn lo isha, doesnt have anything good, but stil.) but what did YOU see to be jealous of (or about? who knows which one is better..)?

TMC. I once read about a certain "harav rabeinu Yoel baal shem". i thought to myself (with tears in eyes, not sure why they came) "wow..how can a simple Yid grow, that he merits the name baal Shem!". just think about it!
so tell me. HOW DO YOU WANT TO GROW, IF NOT LIKE THIS??
-al yedey tefilla? do you really think, you can have kavonas, that bring you so high?
-al yedey toyra? well in previous generations it was on a much higher level, pashtus we wont get that either. (doesnt mean we should learn..)
-al yedey maasim toyvim? well. good. but thats not always avaible.

ma nish'ar??? SAY NO TO YOUR YETZER. if we fight against him, its (at least in my humble opinion) a greater fight, than that of the doros hakadmonim. people used to be more modest. they didnt have any magazines. they didnt have any internet with so much shmutz soo near and available. But we! we are surrounded from all directions! no step without prizus.

Nu, chabibi, wanna stayg higher than the ceiling?


Okay, i have to read this post as well if i start ot feel lusty...

Btw, I think I know what are you jealous about. about my english ? :D or efshar about my strong accent when i open my mouth and try to pronounce english words? nu, gotcha?
nu, oyb asoy, i think You will have to live with that. ^.^


Btw, since one of our best (not because we dont have so many, rather because of his neshoma) soldiers had a nefilla, we all have to pay 1 €/$ to tzedoka ASAP.
I personally am not sure about tzdoka-pushkaz in my town. so i will put the money aside and wait until i am back in yeshiva. chatzlocho chevra!

Allright so If I join this accountability group how does it work? I dont have alot of money to my name (single yeshiva bachur type ) so what are the rules? I know you wrote them out before can you just put it all back together in one post for to make it easy?

TOCONTROLMYSELF!!!!

I JUST said that line to someone today and he told me a beauty answer that might help you

tocontrolmyself wrote on 31 Jul 2012 20:40:


This is to the best of my re-articulation skills:

Dont worry about forever and never, In the end of the day this is something that needs to be dealt with, and you can only deal with it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Its just not oging to help if you complain about it. For example imagine a Diabetic, when he was younger he could eat whatever he wanted NOW if he eats 4 donuts he WILL be affected... theres nothing wrong with him and theres nothing he can do about it, thats just reality So you can do it! If you need proof that you can be clean there are tons of examples on this site. In the end of the day what Im trying to tell you is dont worry about "what you have" or "what you are" just deal with the issue that you can see you have.

Also personally I think you should DFEFINETALY stay in the accountability group and make us pay for you because that is the whole POINT. Personally I felt that that I wanted to drop my accountability because "I cant afford it" but then I realized thats just me looking to make a loophole an eventual "If I need to its there" option to allow me to fall with, less of, a guilty conscious.

So I would say, STAY in the accountability group, and feel BAD about making us pay and HOPEFULLY youll be able to use the guilt to aide you in your "Breaking Free" Process

Hatzlooche~!

TMC I'm so sorry for you, and I am sorry that you are finding it to be such a struggle.

But don't let it pull you in further, that it one of the Y'hs favorite tricks: get you to struggle than fall and than feel guilty and than continue to fall because you are surrounded by guilt. Its like someone who is drowning, if he kicks and tries to fight the current he will get tired and get sucked in further, but what is a person supposed to do instead, just stay calm and go with the flow or grab on to an object that can help keep him afloat if possible. and only when he reaches calmer waters can he swim to safety.
I know its hard to believe this when we are having a difficult time, which is when we go into panic mode and we try and fight the strong current of the Y'h, But what should we do? take a moment to realize I am drowning and I cant fight this current, which is something you should be feeling if you are struggling so hard and than step back, ride the wave, grab onto anything that floats your way at of course don't forget to call out to Hashem the chief coast guard to save you from this lust and take it from you. or if you want to at least try and tread water, grab onto any floatation device you can, read through the handbook or forum. But don't waist energy fighting, or you will be bound to drown. It happens to me every time I try, sometimes I stay afloat longer than others but eventually i tire out. (there's a mushal with a car skidding out of control too, but I'll save that for another time)

Be thankful though you are part of this great accountability group, as we have a great head lifeguard RT ;D

Hope this helps TMC

and for all you bacharim who say you don't have money, don't think that us married folk have lots to spare

P.S. RT now I understand your SN you are aiming to understand all the roshei tavos ;D

LOVED the mashal, it fits REALL NICE

-KGdude

20 days already. as they wrote in 1 of the chizzuk mails (was it Dov?) that you should not be just clean. you should be also happy about being clean.
as i was going home after dawning with the tram and the MAJORITY of the way was with closed eyes (i think all the pretty girls came to this city for the summer -.-) i felt lemayse happy ; )


haha :D i liked that :D
i will pm you the rules.
p.s. : welcome to JKG-dude who finally joined :D