tocontrolmyself wrote on 25 Jul 2012 22:57:


What actions are you taking to stay clean?

--Elyah

thanks for the chizuk re my dream.
i actually had a worse situation recently.
i am BH VERY clean online-wise. And moving to israel (although far from ideal , in many ways), just helps me to walk down the street cleanly (I live in a frum neighbourhood.) but all of a sudden the MZ"L situation got worse! it started with the dream and then got worse.
i am still reporting myslef clean in the 90 days chart. why? because my struggle , and the only reason i joined GYE, was the internet. i got SO scred of myself, so disguested by the idea that i watch that stufff online, that i just had to join. and BH i am much better in that respect. i hope that is ok with GYE.
but as i said, the MZ"L got worse.... tricks of the yetzer hara- he attacks you from a different side every time!

kevin

well, dear kevin, one more reason to join my chabure. (or chabire if you want it chassidish :D )

hatzlocho. still 14 days and still clean

Hi its TMC-to controlmyself(yes the abbrev. is mixed up!)
I would like to join your accountability group if thats alright with you.im alright with the money although 30-40-50 kappitelech tehillim sounds also a viable option.
do you prefer money?
anyway last night b4 i fell asleep i was clean but i woke up in the middle of the night ans i for some reason couldnt use any ideas i learnt in the 12 steps-ask Hashem...etc and i compulsively ma.. with my blanket...
the truth is it was a great improvement..to not fall when trying to fall asleep...
RT please reply as soon as possible.when you say yes it starts for me no more procrastination...
Have a great day!!

eye.nonymous i am currently learning a aliiya in kriaah for every time i fall and i just took the 7th in the 12 steps which bh should help

tocontrolmyself wrote on 26 Jul 2012 14:30:


You're working with a group?

Well, dear reb Yid, TMC.
let's start. right now just we two.
so basicly it starts this night, 26/27 July til the next week (2/3 august) and then we will refresh it.
and yea, please! lets do it with money. i DONT have so much time to recite tehilim (i try to do some. but 30 for each one? omg!!)
so for each day you or me will fall (chas vesholom) we will pay both 1 euro/dollar to any tzedoka you/me want. if we both fall (chas vesholom) we will pay 2 €/$ for that day. (days are meerev ad erev)
and well, if its possible, keep in touch!

still 3 vacant places.

and, TMC - chazzak veematz. i dont mind to put some money to tzedoka, but i mind if u fall.

and btw.
i just remembered something. some years ago, i was so into the shmutz, that i was taking shover just 1 a week, bc it was just impossible not to fall there. now , baruch haShem, things get better, so dont be meyaesh.
hatzlocho u'brocha

yes eye.no.. i am in steves group and its brilliant even after a bad week like this i have perspective and hope BH
RT thanks.BTW the problem with the form of my lust addiction is that i cant not go to sleep at night....and thats when im caught sensitive. once last week when i first started this last bad spell during this week.a friend of mine who knows of my problem walked into the room in the throes of my arousal.i told him exactly what i wanted him to do which was to get out and i used relatively awful language which i am entirely not accustomed to doing.i apologised after,but it just shows how strong addiction is.....

hm. sad.
but. TMC, i understand that u cant not to go to sleep. and i couldnt not to go to shover, just not so often. just wanted to point out, that af al pi, that it was SO FOR SURE that i will do it there and i couldnt imagine i would ever break away from that, i managed (somehow). and i remember how happy i was mentioning that i am not bound to it (at least not there). nice feeling.
hatzlocho. r"T.

I had (have) a very similar situation, I couldn't go to the bathroom or shower without a test... I had to make tons of rules. No looking no touching (only the tip like the halacha and sorry if that's graphic) stand on my tippie toes, leave the door unlocked. No baths. One time I tried to take a bath and made a rule if I start touching the bath is over. I did and I had to stop the bath in the middle it was so annoying. I also tried(try) to avoid the bathroom when I'm feeling pretty "lusty" so good luck figuring out your guidlines, maybe go to sleep with the door opened? And the lights partially on with a thin blanket? You gotta figure out what works good luck figuring it out!

And good luck guys with the accountability (by the time I decide if I want to join it'll be over lol but I have a deal with a guy fifty bones whoever messes up first and we have to tell the other guy within 24 hrs (when the shame will still give more of a zing)(added pressure y'kna how-'t-iz) so I gots my accountability goin right now)

RT I'll join your accountability group, I can really use some accountability lately.
Is there someone who will be in charge of the group? are there rules set already? let me know please. thanks

Keven I know that you have already received a lot of feedback on the sleep/ dream fantasy issue, but I would like to share my recent experiences with the same issue. and a nice story that Machshva Tova shared with me when I had the same question. I too was thinking about being strict on myself and even if not consider it a fall in my count to at least think of it as a slip, that only ended up making it worse for me as it left an open door for the Y'h to say you are struggling and you cant control yourself so just give up the fight, and as all the old timers say you cant fight it, many of us, me included, have been fighting with no success for years, and I ended up falling multiple times after that in situations which I should have walked away but instead I stayed to fight and with the thought of struggling lack of control.... you know the rest

and now the quote from MT, enjoy
Machshovo wrote on 15 Jun 2012 14:44:


SOH

tocontrolmyself wrote on 26 Jul 2012 21:32:


Great!

Also, I definitely identify with everything everyone said about having to make all sorts of rules about taking baths and showers.

--Elyah

day 15.

we are 2 now

TMC, soldja-boy (tell me if you dont like it), me.

the rules, dear soldier, ayen le'eil. and i'll pm them to you anyway.

hatzluche chevra.

bh i had my first clean night in a week.actually it was more difficult then usual because i finished yeshiva 2 days ago and i hadnt moved out of the dorm yet so i was alpne which made it difficult but the accountability gave me no choice and especially coupled with some tefila.im happy we have a 3rd participant.it makes me feel more accountable!!!

nice to hear about your success
hope u'll have a nice holy happy and clean shabbes



optionaly, if you want, you can pm me your name so i could dawn for you. just in case you want it.
i try to be mispalel for the klal anyway.