I follow the 90 day chart
when i had a fall... i felt like I am anyway "tume" for this day
and like I anyway dont change anything on my chart IF I FALL AGAIN THE SAME DAY.
so after a 8 day break i fell twice a day...

Does anyone understand me?

Welcome gyegye2,

No I do not understand you. According to your way of thinking, you can got an even better deal by not going on to the 90 chart at all, and then you can fall every single day as many times as you wish. If in your mind the chart is the only thing that is 'mechayev' you not to fall, then it won't work. Just like filters cannot guarantee you from a fall, so too with the chart. You need to 'really want' to improve, instead of trying to fool the system. Read the GYE handbook to improve your attitude towards recovery.

Hatzlacha

MT

I can relate to what you wrote. It's very hard to pick up after one fall and continue where you left off because you tell yourself that once you're down, you might as well take it all the way.

But MT's right, you should try to stop looking at things from a numbers perspective and start changing your attitude. This will make a big difference in your ability to get up after a fall (which I believe might be more important than not falling in the first place).

I used to have those feelings when I was a bochur but I decided to go to the mikva straight away (after masturbating) and that always gave me a fresh feeling and a new start even in middle of the day!

Secondly for someone like you will a second chart instead of a day chart work? If yes then make as if you count like that and pick yourself up straight away! every second counts not days!

The Lechevitcher said that someone who has just killed somebody and the knife is still dripping blood and he is unable to daven with his full strength and mind, hasn't stepped on the doorway of chassidus!! So what makes you think that to masturbate has been allowed because you are tume, a second later you have to be able to believe that Hashem is there with you just as before

have a good day JJ

Thank you every one for your great chizuk!

Sorry if i wrote to tough!

JJ

gye- I today just went through the same thing and thought to myself hey if I fell anyways I might as well do it again. Then I was thinking to myself why do I keep on falling every few days and MT had the answer that I needed to really want to improve. That got me thinking of a different approach to deal with this struggle. I have to work on wanting to improve. Thank you MT .

I'm with JJ.
My starting point isn't shkia or alos hashachar. It's whenever I make the commitment to stop lusting. Whatever moment that may be. When I was in active addiction, I would often make that commitment right after acting out. I was sick of my acting out and used it as motivation to stop. As MT suggests, the 90 chart is only helpful if it's helpful.

Please remember also that the 90 day chart isn't a recovery plan. It's a tool that some find useful. Personally, I had no use for it. I'm a one-day-at-a-time kind of guy. Success is getting through today. Sometimes it's getting through a few moments.

Moments become days. And days become more than 90-days. They become years. They become your life story. Days. Today. This day. This moment can become the moment you turned around. For good.

Hatzlocha!
Alex

i just saw the 12th principle at te below link...
http://www.guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/the-30-principles/21-principles-for-the-struggle/item/principle-12?category_id=279
it says that it is a bigger nachas ruach for hashem if we fell and we want to fall again and keep our selves back then if a person holds his self back in first place
I think that next time that I have such a chalange I will think about the oppertunity that I have now.

gyegye2 - I know the feeling. But listen to the chevra, they are saying good.

I used to think that way as well.

One time, while I was in the middle of my second act (Nisht Hant Gedacht), I started getting a splitting headache. I told myself that I'm almost done. But I thought I would pass out from pain. I started thinking, Hashem does not want me to do this, I better stop. B"H for sending me thi smessage before I commited a second crime. Since then, B"H I haven't done any act B"H. I beleive it's more then 90 days as well!

Hold yourself back even from a second time. For each time we hold back there is a special zchus. You never know which zchus is needed to help us get to a full recovery.

I have this problem too...
Then I heard this cute shiur from R' Orlofsky- he was wondering why those dieting who fail and eat something don't stop, rather just continue to eat all day. Don't they realize that every additional fail is even more work and abstinence in the future?
Of course not. They aren't actually thinking, right?
Neither are we, at that second. But if we would, we'd remember a couple of the 90,000 reasons. Maybe.
I don't have anything to add. The previous posts are plenty to work with.

Tayre Yidden,
my humble opinion: actually the second time is much worse than the first one. The first time it`s a lot of struggle, you try to resist and try it more and more and than you (bar minan) fall...nu, yetzer was too big...wus kan man ton. but the second time it`s not the yetzer! it's YOU ! (i mean the yetzer isnt so strong, it just gives you the idea and you do it.) that is much worse...to fall without a battle.... :'(

I saw some people continue write on there blog everything that happens with them, I thought that I am going to try itand continue to write on the blog as a diary, I hope and i am sure that one day i will be happy to scroll up and read my story and see how I am shteiging.!

So i actualy had a lot ups and dwns since ny first post general my longest break was for 30 days,

I plan to buy a simple phone with not such a fancy screen and without a memory card as soon as I get a new phone from my provider in dec, After i fell yesterday i decided that once i will fall again thru my phone i will pay the money from my pocket and buy the new phone before i get it for free.
this is what i do now and i daven to hashem to help me with kedusha.

I was clean for 10 days b'h
yesterdaqy i had a fall by looking on a bad website but i am not meyeiyish
I saw someware that it is possible that even if a person fell all his life he can still be concidered a tzadik and go in gan eden.. as long as he did the proper thing after the fall
in this case when i fell ysterday i as usualy started singing in my head for the rest of the day at least that i should not fall in to yiush while you are tume it is not the time to do tshuvah just be happy and if it dosent go as usualy because you are so broken then just start singing in your head or if it dosent help you can even listen to real music
I went once to the doctor and asked him about a specific diet if it is good or not because of its missing carbs, he told me that to be fat is for sure not good... in our case after a fall to be neyiush is for sure not good... what ever it makes you happy just do it...
the time when i do teshuvah is the next day after having a night of sleep and while saying tachnen or some time after or before davening, i set on my timer for 5 minutes. ok now i will do teshuvah for 5 minutes,
then i start thinking how bad this sin was and i created children mashchisim and i pity then that they will have pain forever and other thoughts like that then i say to hashem please forgive me (as it says that tne first thing in teshuvah is "hacuras hachet")
then to finalize the teshuvah i think what will i do that this should not happen again. and once this is over... here is where my teshuvah is done and no mmore thinking back "you can not drive thru a rear view miror!
so today i decided to install a special filter in addition to my regular filter to block the place were i fell yesterday