I'm really worried about niceguy! He hasn't posted anything since Sept. 28th and that was where he said he lost it. I hope he's okay and started the climb again.

It's a very bad feeling when you're been clean for a while and then you fall back. I remember when I was clean for 6 months and then fell thorugh, I felt like 2 cents. Sometimes you just need that Yerida Letzorach Aliya. B"H I've passed the 6 month point already and working my way up Bezras Hashem.

As Chasdie Avos (hope he's fine) wrote -
Please Please remember: Even if chas vishalom anyone is nichshall and falls at some point, Hashem will still be proud of each of us. In every battle, their are casualties, but the war can still be won. Don't get down if it happens, rather remeber from where you are coming, and how far you have gone. Hashem just needs to see that you are trying to become a better yid and moving toward Him. That is what builds your relationship with Him.

Wow snax, 6 months!! Did you ever send us your story? I want to put it up on the Recovery Page to inspire others!

I don't really have a major story.

My problem was masturbating which I have been doing from when I was 12. I have no idea what triggered it because until I was about 15 I had no idea what I was doing. It was just a pleasurable bad habit. When I was 15 I learnt Yesod Veshoresh Havoda on chodesh elul, where he mentions about zera levatala. It was then that I connected my bad habit to the isur of zera levatala. I felt terrible. But the damage was done.

From then on I had ups and downs. Stopped, fell through. Stopped again, fell through again.

When I got a little older I started to speak about it to other people as my Rabbi and a good friend. It may have gotten easier but since I didn't update them and they didn't follow up with me it just died down and I fell through.

The pattern was usually when I was in a good mood I was able to control myself. This could've been for a few weeks straight. Then one day the Yetzer Horah would come to me and put me down - sometimes with a reason and many times with no explanation at all, I could just wake up feeling down. Those days were the hardest.

As I got older it bothered me to no ends. I knew I'm doing something wrong but couldn't quit. I made new resolutions. In previous years if I fell through I would just get Meyuash and do it again out of frustration. That stopped. If I ever fell through I would start right then another clean cycle. This way I started going clean for days going to weeks and then months and Bezras Hashem years.

B"H I haven't had any relationships other than my wife. In fact I didn't know anything about relationships until I got engaged. I had no idea what marriage is - never thought about it. I had no idea what zera is just that it's not allowed to be spilled. For this reason my nisyonos got harder after I got married. Then the real Yiztra D'Arouyus started. I wouldn't put my story in the recovery page as I feel I'm still far from recovery. I still have a hard time talking to women and I feel like I blush every time I have to face one.

What I do know is that I've come a long way and the help of this forum I'm able to climb further up. I'm happy to be a part of it. Hashem should help us all.

I think 6 months is worthy of the recovery page, although once you are on that page - you an Achrayus never to fall back again! (We have someone who just reached 90 days and we put him on the recovery page).

The fact that you have trouble dealing with women is unfortunately something that may never go away. Anyone who was once addicted to these things may be easily triggered for many years. It's a disease. But we learn to control it. Kind of like someone has a thyroid disease. It never goes away, but as long as he takes the pill each day, he's fine. With the help of the site, forum and sometimes even therapy, we learn to control it and it becomes 100 times easier to deal with. However, it may never fully go away. This is what we were given by Hashem. And actually, it's a gift. Because once we learn the techniques and are able to turn away from bad every day, we never stop growing closer to Hashem. If it would just "go away" the game would be over. But Hashem has too much Nachas Ruach from the love we show him each time we turn away from bad. That's why he doesn't just "take it away", even after we've made great progress.

This reminds me of the Avos, and Imaos.
        Why did Hashem make Sarah, Rivkah, and Rachel barren women. Not to punish them, they were great Tzdkanios. NO,  he loved their teffilos........

Has anybody been in contact with niceguy. I hope he realizes how much we need him. He's an indispensable member of the team, no one can replace him. So if you see this, niceguy, please be nice to us and check in. Let us know what's doing, regardless of what the matzav is. We love you much more than you can imagine.

wow. you guys are amazing. I just wanted to share that I have been relatively clean, bli ayin Horah, since rosh chodesh elul. I get chills just saying that. Thank You Hashem so much. The reason I say relatively is because on occassion it happens that the yetzer horah gets to me and something slightly is emitted without me even doing anything. For that I am far from proud. I must be shomer my einayim much better. But I am incredibly proud that I have not touched myself since r"chodesh elul.

I must say, my shalom bayis, including both emotional and physical continues to get much much better the longer I am nizhar in this area.

Singles: Just imagine, the more you are nizhar and careful now, the much more amazing your relationship, both emotional and PHYSICAL will be.

Small vort: We all know that frum jews are a tiny tiny portion of jews in general. Further, frum jews who are pro actively fighting this war are a very small portion of frum jews. Although Hashem loves every single Yid more than any love we could ever imagine, the more we strive to do Hashem's will, the more we open the channels to receive and appreciate His endless love. EACH OF US are not only loved endlessly by Hashem, but we are unclogging the pipeline through which we connect to Hashem's love. By Hashem, there is no such thing as time. THEREFORE: Every second that you fight this war (forget about the long term for a moment) is a second that Hashem's love flows through a sparkling clean pipe with no junk clogging its path, directly into our system. Perhaps thats why I have heard that at the very moment that one is nisgaber (wins) over his evil inclination, it is a very opportune time to ask hashem for anything you need from Him.

Sorry for the rambling but I feel like I can talk to you guys and I appreciate every single post from each of you.

I said it before, but I am addicted to this web sight. Any time I sit by a computer, this is the first place I run. Thanks.

Battleworn: I loved your mashel from the chernavitzer, thanks.

Chasdei Avos