I just made it through the 4th day clean and I almost fell. Okay, I slipped a little. I was davening Mincha and the Yetzer Horah attacked me, but I ignored the urge. Later, I went on the computer and found a Jewish website I thought was harmless (so I by passed my filter because it was something suspicious but not p-rn) but I was wrong - there were inappropriate pictures and a link to forbidden videos. I found myself watching both the pictures and the forbidden videos.  I wanted to act out so bad that  I can hear the YH trying to trick me saying "So what if you do it, you'll restart [counting clean days] tomorrow" and for some reason or another I quit those pages. I don't recall thinking to myself why I left those pages, but I just did. What I do remember was when the spirt of folly entered my mind (I hadn't thought about forbidden things during my 4 days clean) I happened to listen to the YH spiteful adivce. Thats my HUGE problem, I keep on falling for the YH voices when his cunning advice enters my mind. I admit I'm weak and its hard, for now, to block his advice. In such situations, when I'm alone on the computer and the YH is implanting a evil ploy in my mind, I would fall, but this time I didn't. Hashem saved me! I said a small prayer to Him for not letting me fall and be pgam habrit and for letting me stay clean longer and so deleted the picture from my computer . I know for a those moments that I almost fell, I drifted away and forgotten about Hashem - temporarily, I at that moment made a idol of lust, yet, I returned to the King of Kings, the Life Giver! Now I
feel so happy, so free! Thank you Hashem!!!!!!

Now, I'm going to the gym to relieve this built up tension. What's funny is that my gym I go to is a coed place - forbidden spot for GUE holy warriors! But, for some reason I feel that its harder for me to sin there and (for me) its easier to guard my eyes in a public place then be alone with the computer even if I have a filter on. I usually go at night to avoid peak times.  As I see it, I make a small mental barrier, where I differentiate myself from them. Like them, I go there to say healthy (they probably want to be attractive), but I do it for Hashem, to live longer, to keep my body fit and strengthen it so my soul has a place to dwell and continue to do mitzvot. I also bring some music or listen to and shiur. Also, I find it hard to lust when suffering from a workout . Sorry, I went off topic, but I just wanted to share (in addition to the above post) other areas where guarding ones eyes is hard and some tools I use.

Thanks for reading my post.

Giant Leap.

Mezibuz, (and anyone else)
remember that we would all crushed if you fell. You have hunderds of people who care about you and want you to succed.

When I am weak I chat with someone on gmail.

Look for something you enjoy that you can get lost in.

Giant Leap,

Welcome to the forum!  Congrats on passing a difficult test!

Just a reminder to avoid language that can trigger other forum members.  I did some minor editing in order to make your post suitable for General Audiences.  

See rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1102.0, especially Rule #5.

hollo, feeling really weak . hanging by a thread. been like this for a day . help.
feeling better as i write . you know i really think this forum is fun .i wish i had the time to get involved in all these great discussions . but i would probably never sleep.! it's also a place to let my hair down a little and be honest.
i'm in a taivah wave it's lasting a while .usually what happens is i give in and do it . i have been fanasizing about acting  out all day. i think i should see a turn off page. but i'd rather fantasize. trying not to . not working so well.   

Going to sleep is a good idea, Lamed,

Hatzlacha!  Hoping everything goes well!

Thank you ALL for your inspiration this evening. You have helped pull me back from the edge. This is not easy. I was trying my best not to be overconfident at 90 days, just staying focused on my path, day by day, avoiding temptation as much as I could. And then wallop, out of left field comes an uninvited image that connects up neurons in my brain that had been growing blessedly dormant these past few months. I imagine this is what a recovering alcholic must feel like when he's 90 days into sobriety and takes some cough medicine which, to his surprise, contains a trace of alcohol. Just the slightest taste of the 'good old times' and the brain is off and running, wanting -- demanding -- more. This is teaching me once again that this is a lifetime struggle and I am nowhere without friends who can appreciate what is going on within. Thank you once again new-found anonymous friends for your support.

Mez

Tip #11 on this page can sometimes help such situations!

heeelp!  it got better , i ddid go to sleep and now oit's worse i feel like i am on my way out!!

hello!

talk man! what's going on?
can you get out for a bit?

lamed vav?
hello?
how we doin'?

Picture whatever it is you want to do....
...with Guard standing over your shoulder
and the rest of the forum around you!

Long term, we cant stop lusting for other peoples sake, but in emergency situations, we do whatever it takes for now!

Hang in there and daven to Hashem to remove the yh,

Tzadik Nistar head of the 36 tzdakim,
Know that noorah is prayin and rooting for u

All the love in world for a fellow struggler

Noorah

Whatever happens, we're here for you.

(did you try tip #11?)

i'm Ok struggle , and the gang,
i'm still here and still clean. i was actually afraid to go out . sometimes i don't know which is worse staying in my mind or seeing what 's outside(hey that rhymes!). too many people out there trying to show me things they 're not supposed to.and that's just the married ladies walking w/ there kids ,i don't even go to bad places. i didn't really solve the problem though (DUH!) just postoned it.
Guys i'm happy to talk to you clean even tho' you would listen if i wasn't .

I AM ABOUT TO FALL. ANYONE OUT THERE TO HELP RIGHT NOW PLEASE!!!