You must have a very high soul and tremendous potential. And proof of that, is your comments above from the tests of the Akeidah. You relate to it, even if you haven't reached that level yet. But the simple fact you relate to it, and accept that you aren't even near that level, you humbly accept that you wish you were on that level, but ackowlege the truth of how far you are from it - THAT IN ITSELF IS A GREAT LEVEL that only a Jew with a high soul could recognize. As it says by Avraham before the Akeida "And he saw the place (Hamakom, meaning Hashem) from afar". It is only when we recognize that we are "far" that we succeed to glimpse Hashem. As the Pasuk says: "Merachok Nireh li Hashem - from afar did Hashem appear to me".

Hold on to G-d. Life is a roller-coaster, but G-d is your body harness. Stay strapped in and no matter what the roller-coaster does, you'll be safe. Scream at the top of your lungs if you have to, but enjoy the ride just the same! After all, you're strapped in tight. Put your complete trust in the designers of the ride. They made it safe. They made it for your benefit. And you'll come out with a smile  ;D

Hey GUE that is probably the best and most meaningful way of understanding how emunah works.Please share that with everyone here asap.It should be at the home page,in my humble opinion.... lol.

Thanks gettingHelp!

And here's some more Chizuk to our dear andsm1:

We say every day in Shmoneh Esrei that Hashem is Somech Noflim, Matir Asurim, Mekayem emunaso lisheinai afar. - He picks up the fallen, he redeems the bound, and he fulfills his faithfulness to those who sleep in the dust.

Sleeping in the dust refers to the dead, but it also refers to those who feel a taste of death or dust in their divine service and do it anyway. For such people, Hashem fulfills his faithfulness to them and in the end you will see how much reward awaits you for doing Hashem's will even when everything had a taste of death/dust and your life was so difficult.

One more nice thing I saw:

The Pasuk Says:
Im Takum Alai Milchama, Bezos Ani Bo'teach. - If a battle should come upon me, on this I shall trust. On what shall I trust?

I saw in a sefer that a Jew must know that if a battle has come upon him with the yetzer Hara, Hashem has given him the strength to overcome it as well. And that is what the Posuk means. "If a battle shall come to me, in THIS I trust, i.e. in the very fact that I have a battle, I trust that I have also the strength to emerge victorious!

Long ago, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov had recognized Simcha as the key to success in fighting the evil inclination and coming truly close to HaShem. In stressing the importance of Simcha he went so far as saying that depression - the antithesis of Simcha - constitutes "the main bite of the serpent (the Yetzer Harah)". How far should a person struggle to remain steadfast and avoid depression? The lesson is best illustrated by the following story Rabbi Nachman told to his disciples:

"But what is the antidote for the person who feels so heavy, so depressed, that no words of encouragement or advice have any effect?"

There was once a poor man who earned a living digging clay and selling it. Once, while digging clay, he discovered a precious stone which was obviously worth a great deal. Since he had no idea of it's worth, he took it to an expert to tell him Its value. The expert answered, "No one here will be able to afford such a stone. Go to London, the capital, and there you will be able to sell it." The man was so poor that he could not afford to make the journey. He sold everything he had, and went from house to house, collecting funds for the trip. Finally he had enough to take him as far as the sea.

He then went to board a ship, but he did not have any money. He went to the ship's captain and showed him the jewel. The captain immediately welcomed him aboard the ship with great honor, assuming he was a very trustworthy person. He gave the poor man a special first class cabin, and treated him like a wealthy personage. The poor man's cabin had a view of the sea, and he sat there, constantly looking at the diamond and rejoicing. He was especially particular to do this during his meals, since eating in good spirits is highly beneficial for digestion. Then one day, he sat down to eat, with the diamond lying in front of him on the table where he could enjoy it. Sifting there he dozed off. Meanwhile, the mess boy came and cleared the table, shaking the tablecloth with it's crumbs and the diamond into the sea. When he woke up and realized what had happened, he almost went mad with grief. Besides, the captain was a ruthless man who would not hesitate to kill him for his fare. Having no other choice, he continued to act happy, as if nothing had happened. The captain would usually speak to him a few hours every day, and on this day, he put himself in good spirits, so that the captain was not aware that anything was wrong. The captain said to him, "I want to buy a large quantity of wheat and I will be able to Sell it in London for a huge profit. But I am afraid that I will be accused of stealing from the king's treasury. Therefore, I will arrange for the wheat to be bought in your name. I will pay you well for your trouble." The poor man agreed. But as soon as they arrived in London the captain died. The entire shipload of wheat was in the poor man's name and it was worth many times as much as the diamond.

Rabbi Nachman concluded, "The diamond did not belong to the poor man, and the proof is that he did not keep it. The wheat, however, did belong to him, and the proof is that he kept it. But he got what he deserved only because he remained happy. *

It is up to each of us never to lose hope, and like the poor man in the story to whom everything appeared lost, force oneself to be happy. Even a faked, ungenuine, happiness, has the power to transform our situation and lead us to genuine joy.

Wow! That is so true and so powerful! We think Hashem took away something major from us, when really it was never ours in the first place. Rather it was just a way of bringing us to the test through which we will merit what is really meant to be ours. And what is really meant to be ours is worth to us infinitely more than anything else.

time for the good news bad news senario

good news

pesach was pleasant

went sailing

i happen to love matza

bad news

i started acting out alittle again mostly when i feel very hopeless because whenever the situation gets better something else takes its place

always gotta be something right

im still under a microscope but hopefully ill get help with that soon

i wish i didnt always feel like G-d is mad at me

..............btw gye guy i couldnt get through to your guy in beit shemesh

Please do not make the mistake of thinking that G-d is mad at you. I did this for a long time. We are very mistaken!
  We are mistaken to think that evey time we experience suffering of any sort, it is Hashem punishing us.
  Adaraba. Hashem loves us and therefore he wants and is urging us to come closer to him. How does he do this? He sends to us all sorts of very well thought out challenges."Challenges" that are meant for your neshoma. These challenges are for us to use them as a means to go up, i.e. not to run away from them, but rather to know that they are there to help us put our dorment enumah into action.To truly believe and trust in hashem.  Until we utilize them for our good, Hashem will just continue to send them to us, i.e. to send another, and yet another opportunity to get closer to him.
  We were trained to look at these "challenges" as being punishments, and suffering etc,and so we run from them, avoid them, or act out in order to inject some strong hormonal drugs into our blood system in order to relieve our own self inflicted pain.
  If we could all re-train our minds, change our bad programming, i.e. negative reactions to Hashem's daily tests,  then we would no longer need any more of the acting out pain killers. which in truth is the real pain, and the real killer.

"Thank you Hashem, for all of the tests you give me each and every day. I believe b'emunah Shaleimah that you sent them to me, and for my good. If I could only perfect my emunah pashuta, I would realize that you send to me these daily (struggles) OPPORTUNITIES as a means of doing me a tremendous chesed."

Our need for acting out, seeking lust, is a means to neutralize our own self inflicting response to Hashems hashgacha....(in most cases).

soo anyway

i have started to try and figure out how to get tikunim done

i figure if i start pace now then maybe i will be up to speed when im 5 hundred

if you catch my meaning

alas for perfectionists we shouldnt be shown these things especially those of us with ocd too

anyway i figure i could just try i mean i put alot of energy into doing other things as much as i can if i start repriortizing to make .........y'know mikvah and verbal tikunim my focus as things to do with my free time then i might be able to roll back many problems though i doubt i can get through them all

i would need eternity and then some to get it all done

tell me your thoughts on that one

With a true desire, a person can turn their entire life around to Hashem in ONE MOMENT.

Don't look at the past, don't think about the future. This moment right now is the first moment of the rest of your life. Use it well!

This is nothing new. Chabakuk Hanavi dealt with this problem over 2000 years ago. He solution was mighty simple: He said "Tzadik Be'emunoso Yich'ye" Rashi (on the Gemoro) explains that in the earlier generations the people had the strength to concentrate on all 613 mitzvohs but in the later generations we simply can't. (And we can't even manage the 11 that Dovid Hamelech prescribed) But as R' Tvi Meir always stresses, Hashem wants from us the little bit that we can do, only the y'h wants us to think about what we can't do.

So Chabakuk Hanavi gave us the key: Concentrate on Emunah and Hashem will take care of everything else. {I recently saw a powerful schmuez from R' Shimshon Pinkus ZT'L that explains this yesod so beautifully}

Emunah is the answer to everything. And also to everything else. And also to everything in between. In Short EVERYTHING!!!

Your message is heartrending, but as I am an addict in recovery in this area none of this phases me. When I got married, everything got worse, especially my addiction. Hey, they said it'd get easier. No they didn't. That is not what chazal say at all. It says our wives help save us from getting into cheit, not that they save us from the cheit we bring with us. That is ascribing godlike power to women, in my opinion. Actually, this made sense to me earlier, as I ascribed godlike power to them in my lust! Why be suprised catching myself doing the same in early recovery (just for the good side)?
I hope you aren't insulted, for I say the same to myself.
How many times have you masturbated? Enough that Naaseh lo keheter? Of course. Then how can you apply the normal rules to stop and "do teshuvah"? You are being much too hard on yourself here, as you clearly have some degree of a disease. I do, and many like me have had years of freedom from the tyranny of lust in our lives one day at a time being open about exactly what or taavos are, what we do, and want to do, with safe people. I use SA. (see Tzetel Koton for the friend idea)
This may be an illness and you then are a sick man, not bad. Not to say it's not a cheit, but the route of getting help must be different than for a "normal" person.
See part of my story on Breaking free, for my background, if you like. My tefilos are with you every day, as we are brothers. You are a great guy trying to be a good yid and serve Hashem, but we are all a bit broken. The truth is great. Now there  is recovery.

Posted by: battleworn

Is this available in MP3 somewhere?  I'd love to hear it.

I just found it. It's the first one on this page.


www.kolhashiurim.com/Eng/ShowDownloadFiles/Path/hebrew%7Chmusar%7Csichot%7Crabanimzatsal%7Cr0009%7Cr0009-1/RavID/0009/sThisPage/3/

Thank you!  It's on my MP3 player and ready to go.  Thanks for remembering all this time.

Your very welcome!