Hello Everyone
I'm clean only four days and i'm already trying to mess up!I'm on the chart but only b/c i have a good filter B'H!I really want to stay on and stay clean but just sitting in front of the computer  turns me on thinking of all the things i COULD be seeing if i only didn't have a filter !!some body tell me this will wear off and i'll be able to fell normal in front of the screen b/c i want to stay with this site.  :'(

If you don't need the computer for work, I would suggest staying away from the computer all together. Instead, print out the handbooks and read them away from the computer.

Here are links to the handbooks: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=469.0

When you read the handbooks you will learn the secrets to success.

gye
i think ultimately you're right but i need the support and the accountabilty . the 90 day chart and that fact that it keeps track for me and i have to keep updating it is vey exciting and helpful to me . Though it is causing me extra taivah i know w/o it i would eventually mess up anyway.my hope is the feeling will fade and the chart will help keep me strong.

I'm a newbie myself and i lack the resources to give you proper advice.
I would like for you to know however that i wish you my utmost unconditional support, respect and love.
Here's to you, Hero.

Dear Lamed,

There are so many resources at GYE to help you in this struggle.  Use them. 

There is no joy like being clean in this area, and it gets easier over time.  I look forward, b'Ezras Hashem, to coming into Elul with over 90 days of sobriety.  You can come into Rosh Hashana with over 40 days of sobriety.  Can you imagine what that would do for your Aseres Yemei Teshuva?  Or the joy you would feel on Sukkos?  Go for it!

thank you kedusha
that is a really great thing to think about. i really appreciate the support. I'm excited just thinking about it!
thanks eden,
i didn't think these words of encouragement would mean much to me but they do.
One reason  is b/c i know myself one day i feel like i can do anything , the next, the taivah is so strong i can't think.but i have to take "one day at a time". :

Ok, that's your call. After all, that's what we're here for 

But please make sure to read the handbooks regardless. You will learn a lot.

Keep up the great work!

OK guys ,
I'm on the road and still (relatively) clean. I had a slip but i am not letting it kill me .i am still going forward.H' give me strength 

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Tomim2B wrote on 10 Aug 2009 20:29:


I agree it's a great attitude, for this you must have gratitude, regardless of your latitude!  :D

lamed vavnik wrote on 08 Aug 2009 20:55:


Dearest L"V,

IMHO, if you don't need the computer, throw it out! You write that the 90 day chart helps you keep track but it causes you extra taiva (your words). There is a link somewhere on the GYE site where you can print your own 90 day chart and cross off the days as you go along. Perhaps that is enough for you?

If you need this site for the chizuk, that's another matter. But you need to be very HONEST with yourself whether you are gaining or losing by using the computer. Make sure you are the one deciding, not the Yetzer Hara.

Love,
Momo

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guys that is such a hard question .
the chizuk and support is very vital for me. it's the only thing that keeps me out if my own head .it helps ground me in reality with other people how i am talking and behaving. otherwise i would not how often i mess up or how bad or good i sound. i simply can't go to a 12 step group right now .i tried. it will create a lot of problems and friction.this is the only way i can easily connect to others with my issue and be honest about myself on a regular basis.
on the other hand hte computer itself is one of my biggest triggers.and the internet! OY!     just using it gets my mind racing .but if i don't do this i have no chance at all on my own . 0%.
My logic tells me believe it or not that the yetzer is pushing me to try and make fruitless attempts to find ways around my filter (even though i already know i can't break it now)  just to make me run away and not keep connecting . b/c he knows that way i will feel better for a while and then fall right back into my "habit" and stay that way.
this is what i think .if you think  it's the satan talking, tell me .

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it could be you're right, but i need the anoniminity right now. my wife is working on putting the filter on a higher level and getting special permission to get on the forum. could be the phone is a good idea but i'm afraid of being recognized.