wow, yossi, GREAT STORY! You know, that's exactly how I want it to happen with me. I want her to notice that I'm careful about shmiras einayim and comment. Then, I can carefully approach the subject and mention a little bit. If she asks more, great, if not, also great.

Just to clarify for everyone else, I would never tell a girl after engagement. That would be terrible. I would only consider it pre engagement. The reason I would want to do this, like I said, is for transparency. A marriage is so much stronger when there are feelings of complete trust. From my wife's perspective, if I'm revealing that, I'll be honest with her about everything. And in turn, she'll probably me much more honest and revealing to me.
I would not want to have to reveal it to her after our marriage and I would also not like to hide it throughout the marriage. Unless, like Gevurah suggested, I am totally past it, although we say "once an addict, always an addict". So if my wife doesn't say anything about my stingencies on our dates, she'll probably say something after marriage. I would not feel comfortable just letting her think that I'm such a Tzadik...

Besides for her good, it might be good for you to tell her so that you shouldnt feel like your hiding from her. However, you should probably consult your local rabbi becaus every individual situation is soooooooooooo different.

gibbor120 wrote on 19 Sep 2011 18:34:



I love this post. ;D
You have to be very careful in shidduchim because everything you do can have such enormous ramifications, so you need good sound advice. And like Gibbor120, I don't have any either! :D

Ive heard many different opinions from different rabbonim. So I assume that each person is different.

lol.
The last 3 posts here have been extremely helpful ;D

Mines 2 out of 3, guess that makes me extra 

Guys i didnt get all your support until now i feel very comforted but since last time im on, so much has changed.First of all in my life' im emunah18 now which is huge anyway i feel as if my add. progressed i've been doing things im shocked of i borrowed a friends library card and took out the dirtiest movies i can find i dont even have pleasure in it as much anymore it gets shorter and shorter each time till i mastur.. at times ill continue watching even after i masturbated which i never used to do.I even masturbate afew times in one go. im scared of myself i even stole a p**n book from the library with detailed real pics I just walked out with it (i returned it already)Guys please reasure me ill get helped i feel hopeless

look into the Taphsic method here on gye.
Also, look into the Phone Call Groups.

Happy Birthday Emuna!

And like Shteebs says, you need to get proactive about stopping the actions, as well as working on the attitudes that are taking you there. Posting here is the first step, you need to look into the various options available and find what works for you. Handbooks, phone calls, meetings, speaking to friends/rov/parents, etc.

It's not hopeless, but YOU have to take the first step.

Keep On Trucking!

Gevura!

For many years, my porn interests got dirtier and filthier and my pleasure from them became less and less. This is how this addiction works on us.
But there is help! Read the GYE in the Nutshell and pick a course of action.
Good luck,
Mottel

Emunah18,
I relate to every one of your words. You are describing exactly where I almost was and where I would be if not for GYE.

Keep going!

Hatzlacha.

Welcome back Emunah18!
It hurts to hear of your struggles.
Stop struggling.
Give up your lust.  Daven for help. Turn the battle over to Hashem.
Stop looking at women.
Start making good decisions.
One day at a time. One test at a time.

One right decision at a time.

What's your plan?

Welcome back Emunah18. It might be helpful for you to share your "life story" so to speak. It's a real starter for most people here..

My main focus now is in the long term I pretty much can deal with short term go exercise or call some1 but  it always comes back to me.So i am looking for a way to do the 12 steps.I already have a partner but i dont know if I can do it with him.I would love a sponsor but it doesnt seem to work out therefore I set aside my motzei shabbossim to gye and i study the white book i hope that will help

Hello everyone i need advice on something i go to a gam anon group(my father is a compulsive gambler) its only yidden but only woman most are much older than me but 1 is young (like 24) i know that she is older than me but we cant help talking to each other and she comes in and sits right next to me.She comes over to me to talk.more next post