Just to clarify. It’s not because I am wary of the responses I would get here. On the contrary, I am sure the responses would all be supportive and helpful.
The reason I would not post certain things in an open forum is because the average guy on here hasn’t failed to the depths that I have and it would be harmful for them to read about it. I do not believe there is any debate about this.

Thanks for the shout out!
I do try to post every day because it helps keep this a struggle at the forefront of my mind. I do not believe that I can ever let my guard down and this is just one part of my offensive against decades of just giving in.

While I write that it is a struggle, it is by no means some thing that is painful to me at this point. I read the battle of the generation religiously every night and try to have the mindset of the author. I now see this as the opportunity of a lifetime and I feel closer to hashem then anytime I can remember.

I am really a newbie here, still very much at the beginning of my journey. I appreciate all of the posts and opinions etc. I find it especially encouraging when something I write inspires someone else and that feeling never gets old!

Vehkam wrote on 15 Mar 2022 06:55:

While I still have no idea what's going on here...

If I would, I would probably say that this is the one reason I think that there should be separate/private threads.

That is to say, I don't want to learn about new ways to lust. I don't want to read about people who have fallen in worse ways than I have. Not because I'm better than them. The only reason I haven't fallen worse is because Hashem has held me back from falling worse. Lust is still a sickness that gets progressively worse the more it goes unchecked. It is certainly not to my credit that I haven't fallen worse than I have, and I can't allow myself to get comfortable with any level of lust.

I still can't stand exposing myself to new methods of acting out. When I used to go to 12 step meetings, I couldn't stand hearing about the things that other people did that were way out of my league. The same goes for GYE. When I'm reading a post, and someone starts telling about their experience or situation, and it is beyond what I struggle with, I find that to be toxic for me. So yeah, for that reason private groups sound like a good idea.

That being said, I hear what folks are saying about losing out in general, if some GYE stuff goes private, and there is less high quality posting on the main forums. Glad I don't have to make the decisions around here.   : P

There is not much activity in the private groups. I don’t believe GYE is missing out at all.

Who me??



I'm just a nice sweet guy that likes to poke fun at things and occasionally says something others think is clever. 



But if you're asking....



I originally came here years ago because I was really struggling. I was masturbating at work in the bathroom and looking at porn on my work computer to the extent I wasn't getting work done. I hated myself for some of things I had done in the past (we don't need to compete, mine are bad enough for myself) and was in a bad way with my wife. We had never argued. Never shouted at each other. But I felt distant and unloved and I learned to understand - it was me.



I was led there by Dov and Cordnoy and others whose names I don't recall.  



Then, the time came when this place changed. I drifted away and TBH, I was okay with that. I figured that others needed their time to learn. But i was also really bothered by a movement towards hero worship (yes, I know I hero worship Cord and I am guilty but hey - that's life). That in turn, led to single mindedness.



Now, to your point.



I have no idea. So, I'll just try and lay out a few (maybe contradictory) points. I (am):



- guilty as anyone about making everything subjective.

- can't stand the fake frumness on this site.

- cant stand the silliness of some posts (but that's just me, I get they are real for them - see point 1 above)

- totally influenced by others and yet am a free thinker

- can't be bothered to log into special spaces

- think that anyone who thinks they have answers likely has a problem

- happy to give answers :-)



I just don't know... guess I'm not as clever or a deep as I think I am or this post would make more sense. 

bego wrote on 15 Mar 2022 11:17:

I'm not sure why my quoting isn't working at the moment?

​One more thought.

Cordnoy taught me to look inwards. I didn't make calls, i didn't work the steps. I didn't have someone holding my hands. I learned to look myself in the mirror and see myself for who I am. In some ways, I think that has been lost. Too many posts about silly things. Not enough about how hard it is. I really don't know what would help. 

someone below/above mentioned something about @trouble should be able to post whatever he feels or his desires or his actions, no matter what they may be, and not need to worry about the #$%^& responses he receives.

just for the record, i am fine here in nauru; so whatever what anyone does or anyone feels, private or public, don't use me as your billygoat.

[sunbathing in anibare bay public beach, nauru, which is also private, as we are the least visited country in the world.]

Trouble wrote on 15 Mar 2022 13:28:

You were just one of the few that I felt comfortable singling out, plus, I assumed that you didn't have service in nauru...

For the record, GYE is not publicly owned, we do have rules and we do follow Daas Torah. 

The rules are posted here:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/rules
I'll paste some of them that relate to this conversation: 
2.) The GYE forum welcomes diverse viewpoints and creativity, provided that they are within (or at least not in conflict with) a Torah framework.
6.) Vulgar or blasphemous language, even if used in jest or "tongue in cheek," is forbidden on the GYE forum.  Furthermore, posts that are in poor taste may be edited or removed.
8.) Posts should not contain details (about personal struggles or otherwise) that others may find triggering, or contain links to websites that some may find triggering. If a member wants to submit a detailed post that may need to be edited, he should send it to the administrator or to the moderators as a private message.
10.) We encourage everyone to share what works for them, or how they view recovery. We ask, however, that no member "put down" or "prove wrong" or "discredit" any other approaches to recovery that may be working for other members. 


Here's a great post from  Oct 2009 

Dov, who is sober for close to 12 years in live SA 12-Step groups, discusses the difference between the GYE forum and live SA groups (where there are no rules about what people are allowed to say and/or share)... Dov writes:

When posting on GYE, the wide range of the crowd seeing the material pretty much ensures that some who read it will be hearing exactly what they do not need to hear. In contrast, in a closed fellowship/meeting there is more context.

In a recovery fellowship, we can share anything. From recounting my failures, expressing insane desires, stupid ideas, and say shekker. It is a share and we get the inside, out.

However, on GYE, there needs to be a degree of safety in the "shares". Who knows who is reading them? They may think this is what recovery is all about and get turned off (or "turned on", for that matter).

To me, it's like the Agudah shul where I live. You cannot go in there dressed in plaid and kahkies for shacharis on shabbos. You just can't. If you do once, nu. If you keep doing it something has to be wrong w/you, for everybody else is dressed yeshivish. It's weird. Not so in the chasidish/ba'al teshuvish shul next door. There you can dress any way you want and nobody will say boo. Others are there dressed weirdly too, some frum for many years. They simply do not care about external BS.

This bothered me once. Shouldn't a true Torah place (the Agudah shul, for example) be accepting of all yiddin? Well, it occurred to me that the yeshivish world is there mainly to uphold a standard. Even if it gets in the way of being sensitive and spiritual. They may feel that if they do not uphold this standard, who will? They do not feel as reb Shlomo C used to, that the deeper you bring jewish joy into the gutters with the yidden there, the better. Nu. To each his own, or as they say often in AA circles, "live and let live". I daven in the Agudah sometimes too, just to keep my head cool and remember that I am at best, a complete idiot compared to Hashem, who apparently wants an Agudah shul right here!

GYE is a bit of both those worlds. To some there, it is all about "what's right". It shows the way - and it has to. To others, it is mainly a safe place for addicts to go for help. Nu. It's tough to do that on an open forum. So I guess they have to edit some stuff to keep a balance.

Thanks for the reminder brother, and nicely explained. We’ll then in that case seeing as the public forum is a hindrance for many, I hear the need for a place outside of the Aguda…

OK on with the Private Party - regardless Woodford must be at the forefront!

if rule # 10 was adhered to, you'd need to wipe out the entire first three years of gue's existence; additionally, there was a poster who invited discussion. being simple "yes-men" is kinda stupid - there's no real sense of a community then.

Markz wrote on 15 Mar 2022 15:07:

Can we please define Torah framework?

Does anthropomorphising the yezter hora as a creature that's out to get you count? 

Do we have to believe that if a Sefer says we only need to try "harder" that we'll finally be cured count?

I do hear the point though about the rules being the rules. TBH I think I would quite like to go back to being the slightly less jaded me that really sought connection with Hashem and that that connection would save me. Sadly, several Masechtos later, many Tefillos and much thinking and I don't really think it is the case. 

“10.) We encourage everyone to share what works for them, or how they view recovery. We ask, however, that no member "put down" or "prove wrong" or "discredit" any other approaches to recovery that may be working for other members.”



How do we define “working”. As in “I have a part time job where I work the 1st of the month for 2 hours, although sometimes I sleep in and miss it…”?

As Dov will tell you, a major piece we all challenge with is HONESTY, for example hiding behind fake names etc.  Pushing a program which has not proven to work and repeating the cheerleading that it works is part of that…

Writing and clarifying the rules would need to be a group effort, @ChaimMod is just posting what we currently have which was written about 10 years ago.

Regarding a Torah framework etc., I think the main point is that we shouldn't promote ideas that would conflict with Halacha. Anthropomorphizing the yetzer hara, by the way, has plenty of parallels/sources, but even if it wouldn't it doesn't conflict with Torah. Something like exposure therapy for porn (if there's such a thing), would be a good example of a problematic idea.

MenachemGYE wrote on 15 Mar 2022 18:05:

thanks; i will swisscows search for it now.