I fell.

I was trying to register it on the chart, but the web site seems to be malfunctioning.

This fall, and my previous slip, were both incidents where something MUTAR suddenly lead to something ASUR.  This fall was very different from the slip, but they had this in common.

I can't believe how tricky this yeitzer hara can get!

HELP!

I'm starting again...
    Day 1.

May Hashem be with you. After all, He is One. One day at a time. And for those who remember what we read just a couple of days ago, vayehi erev vayehi boker, yom echad. That's right, echad, not rishon. ECHAD!

Wow, what a yeitzer hara!

One fall after 40 clean days.  The yeitzer says, "well, why don't you just take a day off before starting again!"

Thank G-d, my one fall didn't lead to more than one fall.

B"H!

And seriously, what a Y"H!!
Uch!!

Now on day 2.

Or, one day a second time in a row.

achas v'achas

achas v'achas v'achas

On day 6 now.  Checking in very quickly.

I was thinking recently of people I know who have been written up for their great chessed work they have been doing.  I was thinking about myself, "Isn't this small stuff, to be stuck on this struggle with what my eyes see or don't see?  How pathetic!"

I was feeling a little down until I remembered something from a shiur I heard quite a few years ago:

The small things we do are the most valuable.  When we take care with these seemingly small actions, it shows that we're REALLY concerned with avodas Hashem.  It's the diamonds that's more valuable, not the lumps of coal.  It's the atoms that can power a city [or level it] when you split them, not boulders.

This is no small stuff. In today's world, you are on the FRONT LINES!

eizehu chasid, hamischased im kono... Chesed is not what people think it is, only helping your old neighbor and giving money to the poor... Chesed is any act you do "out of yourself" for Hashem. You are being "mischased im kono"! What can be greater than that?

DITTO!
and don't forget, that each person working hard (even if not always 'succeeding', whatever THAT is supposed to mean) at shmiras eynayim etc. is helping us all!  Each person logging on and reporting / commenting / kibitzing helps the whole group!

So there. That makes it 100+ people that you are helping.

Just checking in again.  On day 10 now.

keep it up!
But don't forget.
only one day


at a time.


achas


achas v'achas


etc.


fondly,

kutan

I just did better as a result of my last fall.

I'm wondering how to relate to marital intimacy.  With lots of little kids, we really are quite tired all the time.  I felt bad, just because of my lust addiction, am I expecting too much?  Are we pushing ourselves when really ought to be just getting some sleep.

So, it was liberating to realize that it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out.

BUT THEN, my yeitzer went overboard.  "Well, since you're so tired, maybe it will be months before it's really reasonable!"

I heard, yeah, maybe it won't work out as often.  But MONTHS?!

Due to this big tzaddik Yeitzer Hara, I think I stopped our plans a couple of times when my wife was actually interested.  Yes, tired.  But interested.

I realize now that, for the sake of a healthy marriage, this is necessary--regularly.

THE MAIN PROBLEM, I THINK, WAS THAT I WAS MAKING ALL THESE CHESHBONOS IN MY HEAD AND KEEPING THEM TO MYSELF.  Recently I was having another one of these debates with myself.  Are we too tired?  Am I just going crazy because I'm a lust addict?  Instead of deciding on my own to give up, I just spoke it out with my wife:  "I know it got late, and we're tired.  BUT, I'm really interested.  What do you think?"  And we managed to accomodate our needs.

Ah, honesty and communication - precious commodities in a marriage!

Eye.nonymous wrote on 24 Oct 2009 20:47:


I can't imagine a nicer thing to say to a wife.

Beautiful