Eye.nonymous wrote on 23 Dec 2009 21:33:


To paraphrase everything that Dov so eloquently wrote . . .



GEVALDIGGGGG!!!!!!!

Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

I actually just cried reading your post. tears of joy that we (and by "we" I mean not just GYE, but klal yisroel) have people both like you, and your wife.

I feel so proud of being part of the same community as you.

I'm going to reference this on another post in my thread...

Dear Eye.nonymous,

You just got yourself a huge chassid! You must have superpowers somewhere, I probably would have folded like a poker player with nothing but 7-high! You rock!

I also want to know how you are so open with your wife, and how she seems to really be helping you. I wish I could have that, but I can't imagine my wife's response to finding out about my problem! I've been back and forth on this dilemma for months, do I or do I not involve my wife? Could you describe to me what it was like and how you guys have been able to tackle this together?

Yumim al yimei meilech toiseif......

Haba

PS I'm a pretty good chassid to have, I don't shtell vayn, I shtell top shelf bourbon

And by the way, Eye, with your new chassid, I think I'm going to have to come to your Tish, even though that's not usually my style...but for some top shelf bourbon, and some divrei hisorerus from the chashuve Reb Eye...

Eye!
As was said, GEVALDIG!!
Kol hakavod to you and your wife!
For the trip,
the password...,
WOW!!

Wow... so many responses just came out of the wood-ford!

Thanks!

  -Eye.

Remember that Rambam you learned about who is a true baal teshuva? One who has the same opportunity to sin, but doesn't because it's the wrong thing to do?

You've just done it.


Kol Hakavod Eye!

Wow !!! Eye you are the man. I just got to read this. Im so jealous. Cant say that i would of been able to overcome the temptation. Your the apple of my eye. :D :D

habaletaher wrote on 24 Dec 2009 00:00:


I think the topic came out little by little.

We've always been discussing the dangers of having a computer with internet in our house against the benefits.

We needed to upgrade to high-speed internet (to keep up the the 4-meg family pictures coming in our E-mail box).  Besides that, I have convinced myself that we need the computer for parnoso.  We asked our Rav about it.  He said we shouldn't have internet without a filter.  He had actually had a recent encounter with Rav Twersky, and he told us that internet has been ruining fine Jewish homes like a plague.

It did take a while for me to admit that we needed a filter, though.

I got involved with GYE, at first really to find info about different filters.  It just seemed so complicated (but really it's very easy)

Considering I had a problem (which I only admitted then really to looking at women on the street) I signed up for the daily Chizuk E-mails.

I'll also say that my wife and I have been pretty open about discussing se*uality.  We both had some baggage coming into marriage, and we discussed it even on shidduchim (probably against the rules).

Neither of us really understood the danger of the internet, but we have both heard that families have been ruined by it.

[I think this could be a good starting point for other people to open up this topic with their wives]

From GYE, we learned exactly how.

I admitted that we need a filter.  My wife, who isn't stupid, suspected that I have had some exposure.

I admitted the truth (along with all the addict rationalizations, which softened the news).  I really only look once every so often, and even then it always seemed somehow unexpected.  But, of course I love you, and I'm not interested in the other women.

I told her that I wasn't looking all the time, but I had a specific fettish which got the best of me once in a while (these fettishes we had already discussed previously).

She wanted to throw out the computer.
(Especially after we installed a filter and I admitted right away that I had played the "beat the filter" game.)

I insisted on having another chance; that I needed to work on overcoming the addiction, and not just avoiding it.

She gave me a two-week trial period.  But if I didn't improve after that, we had to get rid of the computer.

Now I think we would both admit that I have recovered far more from my involvement in GYE than I ever would have if we just threw out the computer.

...I'll also add that when I first joined the forum, it was kinda' weird.  I would tell my wife, "don't look, I'm writing something for GYE."  After a little while I admitted the irony (privacy on the computer isn't good), and she admitted she was interested in what I was doing.

I at least tell her my latest progress now, and often she reads what I have written.

Fantistic!
What an amazing shidduch HaShem has given you.


And, this is my favorite line:
"Now I think we would both admit that I have recovered far more from my involvement in GYE than I ever would have if we just threw out the computer."

Keep it up Eye!

Oh yeah...

  Today is day 55.

Now you've made me cry in the morning!

It's a good thing I don't wear makeup (well, for lots of reasons, but now in particular!)

Wow eye. Everytime i read a post of yours i look up to you more and more. But please dont get to tall its gonna hurt my neck. :D :D :D :D

Eye!!
You are the man
I am so impressed with you.
A true baal-teshuva in the making!
Can't wait to see u again man
-uri