The previous post's link was blocked by K9 because of Adult/Mature Content.

Oops. The filter here at work lets it through, I forgot that K9 blocks it. Anyways here's what it says:

First of all, I want to say that I feel like this wave of lust is subsiding. The writing helped, and I've been making a lot of calls these past few days.

On another note, here is a realization I have had recently:

I used to think of “journaling” and writing exercises as a way to clear my head when it’s full of problems. Recently I have been using the Back to Basics book (with a live SA group) which says that the early AA groups used to use writing as a way to get into contact with their Higher Power.

Besides that, I never thought about it so clearly, but I know that the writing process somehow brings something deeper to the surface, which I’ve thought of as the subconscious until now.

But, putting two and two together, I started to appreciate that writing a journal is not just a way to dump out the noise that’s in my head, but it’s also a way to get in touch with, perhaps, my Higher Power. That those sub-conscious messages that come out are, perhaps, somewhat Divinely inspired.

So I started writing with this in mind for a few minutes in the morning (this morning I even started off with a perek of Tehillim before writing). I started looking at this sort of writing as something to look forward to—it’s not just something to do when I have a problem, but it’s something to do that I might find some clarity and guidance for the day.

--Elyah

I'm not sure if I mentioned this but, during my challenging time recently, I realized that if the tools I'm using aren't working at the moment, I probably need to go back to more basic tools.

For example, I wasn't able to surrender my lust anymore because I found that, once again, I just really wanted to hold onto it. So, I started davening that Hashem should help me to WANT that I shouldn't want to lust.

When I admitted to myself where I was really holding and asked for G-d's help appropriate to that, I felt it made much more of a difference.

--Elyah

Eye.nonymous wrote on 12 Jul 2012 14:07:

This is my problem. Now I just need to apply your solution.

Writting does wonders for me, too bad that we can't have just one tool and we are saved. For instance, you know Kung Fu and you think, that you are invincible, vau. But then you meet a Mau Tai fighter and ... You see that Bruce Lee was right, be formless, like water. By that, I think what he really means, is to listen to yourself and that is what writting does for me.

So thanks Elya for that honest post.

P.S. I don't know Kung Fu or Mau Tai, I am just a fan of Bruce Lee... :o

Woooooooaaahhhhhh!!!!!

dov wrote on 30 Jul 2012 02:41:

Dov, what a delayed response! In the true spirit of Kung Fu movies.

--Elyah.

I must regretfully announce that I had a fall. It was not p*rn or m*sturbation, but something rather complicated and very confusing. Therefore, it was very tempting to ignore it and just call it a slip and say that I'm still clean. But I discussed it with my sponsor and after sorting it out with him, the final decision was that it was a fall and I should re-set my sobriety date.

So after 1 year, 2 months, and 4 days, I'm back to day 1.

One day at a time.

--Elyah

We appreciate your honesty in admitting the fall, and we anxiously anticipate your future posts.

I can imagine how let down you feel right now. But you know what to do....

KOMT!!!!

Gevura!

Thanks for sharing, Elyah!


As we say: Keep Coming Back!!


It works if you work it, YOU are worth it!!!!

TehillimZugger wrote on 14 Aug 2012 14:41:


I hardly could say it better. I feel always very bad after hearing that some1 fell and the problem is, i would like to do something, but what CAN I DO? grrrr.
I can't do even something for myself.

What reminds me of a nice eyn yakov. And I think TZ might appreciate it even more than the other chevra since he is learning avodas gilulim right now. So here we go.

You know the famous gemore about r. luzar b(en durdaya. so he goes to a certain place and starts to ask all kind of thing to pray for him. stars, earth, heaven, sun, moon and so on. And nobody wants to!! "We have to pray for mercy for ourselves first!"
so eyn yakov (if i remember correctly) asks, nuuu, common, we know that if you pray for somebody and you need it as well, you are answered first. So pray for him, and you will get first?!
OH! zugt eyn yakov, ala mai? they wanted that he would pray for THEM and HE will be answered techila! (he asked for hel and they takke wanted to help).

So, dear Elya, do you wanna pray for me ? : )

p.s. I am working my way through your "additional toolz" . shkoach for them.
KOT

We appreciate the honesty.

We feel your pain.

Keep coming back.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 14 Aug 2012 14:36:



Sounds almost exactly like my story. Here's some perspectives that have kept me going though.. This for the man who wrote the big book on perspectives. ... and shkoyach for that kuntres - I read it all the time!


H' gave us a huge present - over 1 yr of sobriety - WOW.. That won't even fit under the tree.. uh.. menorah! It's quite a Matana and I know I needed to be reminded that it was a Matana and not Kochi V'Otzem Yadi..


Another thing - like the Metzora.. Motzi Rah. Metzorah is fortunate to have his imperfections brought to light. Would he rather they fester inside of him and never know about them until it's too late? Ask a cancer patient, Lo Aleinu!!, who's cancer was caught early. B"H they know about it and can now address the problem!


Elyah - you've inspired so many, and I'm sure you inspire yourself. Keep welcoming H' into ever pore of your Neshama. As long as we're alive He'll continue to find His way into every part of us. I guess He's just making more space by cleaning up the Self. With his Mikdash inside of us, V'Shachanti Besocham, there's no doubt He'll shower us with daily gifts.


Can't wait to see what gift He's sending this time! Keep us posted!
YVY