daverose2 wrote on 01 Jul 2025 11:46:


My dear friend Reb Dave,
To yourself you gave,
The gift of clarity
In this world of insanity

For over eight weeks your climbing
Constantly fighting,
On the battlefield of life
That Yetzer Hora you 'feif'

What's most inspirational my friend
Is how you don't waver or bend
You stand tall and proud
With no עצבות allowed

We watch with התפעלות
You in ירושלים של מעלה
You'll go מחיל אל חיל
And help bring about ביאת גואל!!

Hi
BH the last week was as smooth as ever prob from my strongest since ive started here.
TYH! Its a gift that came at the right moment!!

Hi
I had an interesting observation today. My whole life I had a closed personality. I never felt the need to share my personal life with anyone family friends... I never shared if I was going through a hard tekufa if I was stressed or even just tired. I always thought it was my personality. And truthfully I didnt mind giving the impression that Im just a chilled relaxed happy guy. 
It just hit me that over the past couple weeks even though im far from an open book. I started sharing much more of my feelings with my wife and friends and even having conversations about topics that I usually ran from. Whats apparent is that it wasnt my personality that made me so closed. It was my struggle I had a fear of sharing of being vulnerable. I let my feelings shut down completely. Either because of the shmutz in my head or the guilt of what I was doing.
After only 2 and a half months of growth and recognizing and understanding what im struggling with and working on myself to change. I find it pretty amazing how much can change in such a short period of time. 
Theres still a long way to go but theres nothing like the feeling of not just believing but SEEING that change is possible and within reach!!
Thank you!

daverose2 wrote on 08 Jul 2025 19:38:

Can relate so much... Thanks for sharing

Dave, so true. I think the nekuda is that when we have no inner peace, we tend to shut out the world from our inner self, but when we learn to face our insides, with all their deficiencies, it does give us a chance to come to a place of acceptance of ourselves, which calms us and gives us the confidence to allow ourselves to share
Thanks again!

Hey!
I just realized that today is 90 days from when I first started GYE. Its not perfect but BH a lot of progress! Here is my stats.

15 days clean

1 day fall

56 days clean 

1 day fall 

17 days clean and counting be"h.

90 day total 88 Clean days 2 fall days!

Thank you Hashem! Thank you GYE!

Bh since I fell 18 days ago after 8 clean weeks. The past 18 days were amazing in all areas no porn no masturbation no fantasizing no looking around on the streets. I havent had such success in shmiras enayim since I started here. Yesterday I had a little harder day in regard to shmiras enayim on the st nothing crazy but in regards to the past couple weeks it wasnt my A game. I found it fascinating how the YH made me feel like a piece of garbage for just a couple small looks, looks that just a couple weeks ago I wouldnt even consider a lack of shemiras enayim. Its interesting how any success I have the YH uses it against me, that when im a little off he jumps in for the attack. Bh I didnt make much of it and ignored it.

Also another thing, the past couple nights I had dreams off lusting and masturbating which I dont recall ever having in my life. It felt so real and even in my dream I felt terrible, and was trying to figure out what im going to tell my mentors. I even woke up with that nasty feeling that I always had the morning after a fall. Was pretty intense but bh I didnt make much of it once I woke up and realized it was all a dream and nothing actually happened. 
Im not sure why I felt the need to post this. I guess im just trying to figure out what it comes from because it def wasnt coming from fantasizing during the day???

daverose2 wrote on 17 Jul 2025 21:12:

Congrats on picking up the rebound for a slam dunk!!

I'll steal HHM's chiddush and explaint the dreams because it feels good to share good news. Good news! The dreams are a fantastic sign. Because your subconscious recognizes that you have firmly rejected lust it is flailing around trying to adjust. Hence, weird dreams. This is normal, and very healthy sign. Keep up the truckage!

Kudos to you for all those major wins against the YH!! It's really not easy during these summer days.
Re the dreams, it's a very common phenomenon after being clean for a while. I think it's the YH going into panic mode.

Much Hatzlacha!! 
Keep up your great work!

daverose2 wrote on 17 Jul 2025 21:12:

This post may resonate with you (guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/413043-My-ENTIRE-story?limit=15&start=105#415781). Super normal and indicative of your growth as other have stated. Onward march!

Muttel

Hey 
Its been a little bit since I last posted. I had a set back after 27 clean days. 
I fell.
I dont know why.
I can think of 1000 excuses but I dont think thats the answer so I wont say them.
I dont know what to learn from this.
My past set back I learned so much from but this one nothing.
I fell and then basically threw up from disgust.
I feel (felt) terrible I cant figure out what led to it I was doing so well and then boom just fell.
I dont remember any urges.
I didnt even put up a fight it just happened.
I was so embarrassed with myself that it took me a day to reach out to a mentor (and 5 days to post)
Bh I managed to get back up but badly bruised I went from 28 days of from the greatest shmiras einim I have ever had, to now 4 days of no control over my eyes. I staying away from porn and masturbation but it doesnt feel the same. I know that I can do better but im extremely busy with things going on in my life right now so I dont have much time to talk to guys or post... 
Thanks for listening!

sometimes you just have to be a soldier, even if it "doesn't feel the same". It would be good for you to only count your cumulative clean days for now and not focus on the streak. for the record it sounds like this fall was just an absent minded return to an old habit and this has no bearing on your commitment or your motivation. Try to move past it as if it was a wet dream and keep strengthening yourself.

Vehkam, love the mindset.....