Day 8:

I think the community is missing something, I think it's missing me. I hope to be in shalom with everyone in the community even though I don't look at the women there.
I felt at home, although I don't show it. I would say that I just missed giving a few words of Torah.

May it be the will of the Holy Blessed One, that I have more opportunities to be known through the Torah and be accepted even if I don't have much money.

How can I be sure that Hashem will always be with me, will always love me?

Thats an age-old question that isnt easily answered. 
A big portion of Chovas Halvoves deals with this question. 
The short answer is that there are many sources all throut Tanach and G'mara that tell us that even if a person sins greatly, Hashem is always with him, there is no such a thing as Hashem throwing away a Yid, He can make himself hidden so that the Yid will be forced to look for Him and therefore grow closer to Him. 

Due to my socio-economic difference from the Jewish community, I am feeling feelings of inferiority, shame, among other things. I don't know if I could bear to go another Shabbat with the same shirt and vest.

But I don't really care about money, I just want to fulfill mitzvot and for that it is necessary to have a community.
הכל יהיה טוב

I was very wrong.

Everything we have is borrowed, Hashem gives it to us to take away and so we repair.


So I am going to take advantage of all the time I can attend this community to be prepared for when they are going to take it away from me, the socioeconomic difference is further proof that it is an undeserved loan.

Shabbat Shalom.

Day 3:

These have probably been the two most intense days I have ever had. Everything was perfect

Day 4:

Doing college work.

Day 5:

In the community I met 4 more yehudim who live in my city. (A total of 5)

It seems like all the “problems” are being solved, I'm doing my college homework faster, I don't care what strangers think of me, I can now say “הַעֲבֵר עֵינַי מֵרְאוֹת שָׁוְא בִּדְרָכֶךָ חַיֵּנִי” on the street in front of strangers even if they look at me strange. In the community they gave me the zechut to carry the sefer Haftarah on Shabbat. What more can I ask for? This is too much.

Day 7:

I forgot to update the streak, sorry, I've been quite busy but Baruch Hashem all good.

I’m pretty poor myself hahaha. I like your first message of peace. I hope many good things happen to you . It’s nice to meet a righteous person like yourself.

Day 9:

adventurousjellyfish wrote on 18 May 2025 01:51:

To us all, may it be His will.

May it be your will, Eternal One, that all the single men and women of your people Israel may find their soul mate, their partner to fulfill Your will.

Amen my friend. I hope I am a good friend. I like your email. Very well written.

Day 0:

I am very sensitive, it has its advantages (as I can get closer to feeling what others feel) and its disadvantages (as for anything that is done to me it hurts much more).

I was disappointed to see firsthand that not all yehudim are tzaddikim, even those who claim to be religious.
And any disappointment makes me go to Ima's cell phone, which always seems to be available, to see things that are not good.

I have so many questions, but I need to act right now. I understand that I will never know everything. I must act with the little that the tzaddikim taught me.