Good news, I had a 27 day clean streak.
Bad news, I had a 27 day clean streak. 
just relapsed with P&M.

I’ve noticed that my current choice point is allowing myself access to unfiltered internet. Once I have the access, it’s basically impossible for me to pull back. I’m just not motivated enough to refrain once the sweet allure of a dopamine rush, of escape, is dangling right in front of me. 

so the trick is to try keep
away from unfiltered access. Unfortunately I can’t fully cut out unfiltered internet from my life, (though I have cut off the vast majority of access points and broken more than a handful of old tablets and phones that were lying around the house over the years) but I need to be alert to try and foresee when the access points are coming and plan ahead somehow. Bli neder I plan on updating my journey in advance of when I see a Nisayon coming

in summary, I have a love hate relationship with P. I hate it enough to try to block it out of my life, but still have a craving for it to the point that when I have access to it, the voice that says “stop” is barely audible. I don’t even use the SOS tool on the app at that point. I get this feeling of “eh who cares anyway, just give in” 

tomorrow is a new day. Time2Win

time2win wrote on 26 Feb 2025 01:34:

Really great post. Congrats on the 27 days. Here's to many more.

I just want to push back on one point. I completely relate to the need to seize the opportunity once the unfiltered internet is accessed. This is a bit of a long schmooze, but an extraordinarily helpful reframe for me was working on stopping viewing the internet as an opportunity. Meaning, as long as my attitude was "avoid unfiltered access at all cost because once you get it there's no hope" I was reinforcing the idea that as soon as I got access I was dead. And it's impossible to truly avoid access forever.

Working on reframing to "I could access whenever I want but I don't want" was tremendously helpful. It's a lot of work to get there, and I'm not there yet fully. But it's very important to avoid that mindset of chasing/running away from "opportunities." Obviously, in most cases filtering up and limiting access to the greatest extent possible is essential. But the mindset is important too. Happy to discuss if this is unclear.

And btw I think we all relate to the love/hate relationship feeling. I think the good news as time goes on and you are clean longer it becomes easier to deal with the "love."

Bde on your streak  but boruch mechaiai maiysim on you! If this falls a learning experience then ASHRECHA but make sure it's a learning experience and not a roll down the mountain that you worked so hard to climb up it. 
 As I recently fell I can mamash relate .. its uch...                       Keep trucking 
          #hashemneedseveryyid

Shavua tov friends. Wife is away now for a couple hours . Kids are sleeping. Not feeling triggered , but still getting this out there for accountability. I’ll check in tomorrow to confirm I stayed clear of trouble 

time2win wrote on 02 Mar 2025 01:42:

All clear. No fall. 

Streak: 7 days
Total Wins: 60 days
Total Losses: 2 days
Winning Percentage: 96.77%

Time2Win

Win Streak: 9 days
Total Wins: 62 days
Total Losses: 2 days
Winning Percentage: 96.87%

Time2Win

time2win wrote on 06 Mar 2025 11:39:

Wish all the profiles would look this way. So much more conducive to real progress. Reflects progress, and makes it so much easier to get back up after a fall, with the mindset that A FALL IS ONLY A SETBACK NOT UTTER DEVESTATION. Love it! KOMT!!!

Win Streak: 12 days
Total Wins: 65 days
Total Losses: 2 days
Winning Percentage: 97.01%

Gut voch everyone :-)
time2Win

Current Streak: 1 Loss
Total Wins: 66 days
Total Losses: 3 days
Winning Percentage: 95.65%

Meh
Had a setback yesterday. Had a big frustration/stress trigger on Sunday. Managed to fight it off for a bit but eventually caved on Monday. I'm back on track now. 

The good news is that the source of the setback was different than my previous two setbacks, which were on my work phone. (I can't customize filter settings due to corporate standardization. And yes, I do know that watching P on my work phone, even during non-work hours, is a really dumb idea, but I'm an addict so that's how we roll.)

This setback was on my personal phone via the app store, which I need opened from time to time. (Couldn't really access any real P, because my website filter was still active even though the appstore was open, but still found some text/audio P to M to.)
But if I'm going to be honest with myself, I don't need to update my apps as often as I tell myself. So, the takeaways from the past 3 setbacks are:

1) Keep my work phone locked in my desk at work (I've been doing this, which is why my current reset wasn't on work phone) and don't take it out unless I am on work travel. Which is basically never. I actually didn't ask for a work phone, they just gave one to me. I tried getting out of it, but my manager was like "it'll come in handy. you should have one." 

2) Don't get the Appstore unlocked by wife unless absolutely necessary. Relock it ASAP afterwards.   

3) Also, I'll try to let the chevra know in advance if I need to use my work phone or the appstore on my personal phone so I have some accountability and will check in afterwards to make sure I stayed out of trouble. 

Time2Win

Love how you refer to it as a setback, because in reality, that's all it is. As long as you learn from them, and shore up your defenses, plug up the holes, and learn from the mistakes, your movin' forward strongly!!! KOMT!!!

Current Streak: 3 wins
Total Wins: 68 days
Total Losses: 3 days
Winning Percentage: 95.77%

wishing everyone a freilichen purim!

Current Streak: 6 wins
Total Wins: 71 days
Total Losses: 3 days
Winning Percentage: 95.95%

wishing everyone a gut vouch

Its been a tough week. Had setbacks on Sunday and Tuesday.
Since I'll never be able to cut P access out of my life entirely, I need to add more ammo to my arsenal. Starting today, I am making a commitment to do some positive action towards recovery and including it in my check-ins.  

Today I:
1) Reviewed my reasons for wanting to quit. In short. 1) be a better husband 2) be a better father 3) be a master of impulses/increase self control 4) quit now before I hit rock bottom, because usage escalates over time. 
2) Did a 2 minute/mindfulness breathing exercise
3) watched a video from the flight to freedom program on the importance of practice.

Cumulative Stats
Current Streak: 2 wins
Total Wins: 73 days
Total Losses: 5 days
Winning Percentage: 93.59%

If I don't check in for a few days, please text me on my google voice # at 410-357-1788 to make sure I haven't fallen off the map. Many Thanks, A groyse shkoyach, much appreciated.

Time2Win

time2win wrote on 20 Mar 2025 11:50:

Who says? Many have thought the same, and are squeaky clean now. KOMT!!!