odyossefchai wrote on 27 Sep 2024 21:41:

R' OYC,

Looks like you had to leave. Sorry to see you go, your contributions were always appreciated. I hope you are doing okay.

Never hesitate to come back when you can. I think most people who've gotten clean have at least one old deleted account they burnt in frustration, yiush, hatred or whatnot.

KOT!

I'm back!!!!!

Sorry I had to leave for a couple of days (personal reasons IYKYK)

Streak is still there. And BH happy to report all in good shape. 

Hashem has blessed me. 

Today is the 30th day. 

Big yashar koach to all my new and beloved chaveirim here. 
Without them, I don't know where I would be. 
If you are struggling, please please please reach out to someone. There are people here who will understand you and will be able to really lift your spirits and be a true chaver. 

Have a great day! 

Mazal Tov on 30 days clean.
Bez"H we will see 300 and then 3000 together!

138eagle wrote on 30 Sep 2024 18:11:



Once we got some serious numbers, we'll have to do a Lchaim together! 

odyossefchai wrote on 30 Sep 2024 18:35:

30 Days is a VERY serious number. 

(Sources are unnecessary. Seriously, would you have ever believed you could get to this milestone?! But in case you want: 30 is the Yerach Yamim of a Elul, of a Shloshim, of the Yifas Toar becoming ready for a life of Kedusha, it’s a Kviyas Vest (She’aino Kavua) that requires one to expect its repetition, it’s a Chodesh milashon hischadshus. Etc.)

Downplaying the value of such significant progress is silly.

I can’t think of a better way to fulfill שתמליכוני עליכם than this!! 

Od YOSEF CHAI!!! 

Lechaim! Here’s to real Chayim!!
מאן דבעי חיים

I agree with R' CO.

They talk of 90 days to break a habit. My personal experience has been more like 30 days.....

So congrats on a job well done!!! Looking forward to 60!!!

Ok I agree. 

If anyone wants to come tonight to the takeout place where I live, I'll sponsor dinner! 
(If 22,000 members show up, we'll have a problem)

chaimoigen wrote on 30 Sep 2024 18:57:


You guys are right. BH I've actually done the last two weeks with a smile of confidence. I am not white knuckling it or tying it in a knot (we'll challenge the mods if they let that one through) 
It's been full of excitement to winning day by day. 

The oilem here has been my crutch, support and friends (I won't use the word 'mentor' because that doesn't capture the feelings) 

I thank all of my friends here for being the best! They are mamish malachim. 

odyossefchai wrote on 30 Sep 2024 20:17:

Takeout!?!?

I want a white tablecloth, rishus-cold seltzer, Galla, and a seared cowboy steak with a perfect crust. 

chaimoigen wrote on 01 Oct 2024 03:53:

Excuse my ignorance, but to which type of galla do you refer?

This?
youknowwho wrote on 22 Sep 2024 02:46:

Or is it some other kind?

Again, please excuse my ignorance. This delicacy hasn't quite reached the shores of Burma yet...

Sorry to disappoint you Chaim. I have never tasted gala! There's just something about it that I can't touch it. 
Now fish jelly, that's a delicacy!!!

Today marks the beginning of my second month of cleanliness. 
As mentioned, I am separating my marriage issues and my personal kedusha issues.

Let's talk about them. 
For 31 days, I have completely stopped all p*** and m*******. I have stopped watching all things on YouTube (or any other kind of movies) that are inappropriate. I haven't cut out movies, sports or shows YET. Iyh we'll be at that stage at some point. 
The first couple of weeks I was really in a low place. I stopped watching because I was so miserable. After I connected with this site (on day 8), I started talking to people, met HHM and learned that I CAN put the trash behind me. It IS possible. 
The next 3 weeks have been amazing. I've had a lot of confidence and I am riding a wave of hope that I can truly be free of the garbage. While I am super early in my journey, the people I've met and spoken to, the stories I have read, clearly show me that there is a way out of this madness. 

This morning was my first real challenge. 
when I woke up my body was 'ready' (I don't know how to put this delicately, I hope you can figure it out!) 
My immediate text was to HHM telling him what was going on. 
Even though he did answer, just the fact that I can text someone who 100% understands me, made it a challenge, and not something that I would automatically fail, as would always happen in the past. Quick trip to the bathroom, and we would be good to go! (You guys know what I'm talking about about)
BH I texted him and I went off to shul for selichos. 
My mind was floating all over the place. I couldn't catch my brain. The thoughts weren't sexual at all but I was feeling a little out of control. HHM texted me back (I had my phone with me under my selichos coz I knew I needed to hear back from him just to reassure me I will be ok) 
Shacharis again I couldn't concentrate on a single word, but when I got to חונן הדעת, I managed to focus for a minute and ask Hashem for clarity to make good decisions today (agav, if you ever wondered why that bracha is the first bracha of bakasha in shmone esrey it's because we are asking for wisdom to make good choices throughout the day. We aren't in control of situations, or why they happen, that's up to God, but we can make good decisions when things hit the fan) 
Anyways, I don't remember much about the rest of davening but by the time I got home, my mind was in a much better place. I got the kids up and ready for school with a smile. Not always easy with teens in the house but BH they are good kids and don't challenge me too much!!  Hashem has blessed me with amazing kids, as I have mentioned many times. It's a bracha and I am forever grateful (there was a time in my life, I did not believe anyone would want to marry me and certainly not want to have kids with me-story for another time) 

BH there was not gonna be a fall this morning. My reaching out to others, helped me tremendously with that. 
Btw if you are one of those guys that texts someone 'good morning' or 'thinking of you' you might be saving someone from falling. (I should try to implement this)
BH my day is going well now and we are all good. 

Now for the second issue. 
Unfortunately my marriage has had a lot of challenges. 
Many of them bedroom related and I don't want to talk about them too much now. (My close friends here get to hear me venting regularly) 
BH we have made some progress with the help of Hashem's malach, and things maybe have turned a corner. It's too early to celebrate but with a lot of hard work, alot of trips to visit the malach, we may be able to build something that will be great for us. 

If you read this far, you are probably falling asleep!!! 
I love you all my dear brothers here and may Hashem bless you a million times over. Not a million, a billion. 

I guess I wasn't the only one texting HHM early this morning! All gala aside, R' odyossef18 you really inspire me. Thank you for posting and sharing!

iwantlife wrote on 01 Oct 2024 18:03:



Hmmm is that why I had to wait all of two minutes for him to respond???? 

Could be! Then again when we met the other day, he confided in me that he does have the ability to stop time, which explains a lot...