chaimoigen wrote on 23 Sep 2024 15:45:

I second the motion!! Although......

odyossefchai wrote on 22 Sep 2024 10:29:

Hello
This is my first time posting on your thread.

I acnnot agree more, the chevra here have quickly become my very good friends and I feel that they  you are keeping me more than clean, They you are keeping me sane.
Where else can I have such friends that I can share my deepest feeilngs without feeling that people are second guessing me. And that is saying a lot, I have some deep feelings that make me crazy.

138eagle wrote on 23 Sep 2024 16:20:

Yes the guys here know what life is like! 
I can't appreciate it enough

Check out my check in! (Sorry that was lame)

23 days. AND COUNTING!!!

Well I get smack for commenting on other people's threads and stories, I'm sure I'm in my 'safe space' here! 
Anyways, today was rough! 
Like driving over rumble strips, on my teeth, being dragged by my toenails! Sounds bad! 
Things not good at home! 
Some things in my control, most things not! 

On a positive note, I feel that being clean from the poopy stuff, also gives me motivation for work on my Shmiras Einayim. 
I've avoided numerous YouTube shorts and when I'm driving in the street on my way home from work today, I was very careful and was able to control my urges to look at God's beautiful creations! And it felt good! 
See it's not all doom and gloom! 
See you all tomorrow (I'll shut my fat mouth for a while)

No reason to remain quiet. It is understood that someone who never experienced mental illness would very often not know how to relate to it. Nobody was upset at you.

yitzchokm wrote on 25 Sep 2024 00:45:

Well said. I simply felt that it was the wrong thing to say to someone who’s suffering with depression. And it’s okay for someone to agree or disagree with my opinion on the matter. 

Although I think I tried to stay respectful, your response to me was rather sharp but that’s okay…Moldy Voldy doesn’t get insulted. I am no longer human and do not experience emotions as most humans do. 

Don’t keep your fat mouth shut! Keep posting, we enjoy your posts and are encouraged by your journey!

Emotions? What's that!

I have a wife for emotions!





Ok I'll stick to my own problems. 



They appear to be mountainous!!!

BH I have managed 23 days and I'll really excited by it. 

Sometimes I feel sad about myself and my problems, but BH I have been very blessed in my life. Although my martials problems seem to destroy me, I have a home, a job, good kids, parents etc. so BH BH BH

I'm also very excited about my streak. 23 days is amazing. And I'm holding onto that strong. 



I need to learn to separate my marital problems from what I can do and what I myself am in control of. 



I'm torn about how much effort to put into my marriage at this moment. It's pretty rocky. 



That's my feelings for now. 

Adios

 

Good morning. 
Day 24 here to check in. 
Good bye!

Day 25. 

I Still haven't discussed my conversation with HHM and then along come Harav Chaim Oigen (he tells me that's not his real name  ) and we had a heart to heart. 


Meeting HHM was interesting for me. Obviously he's a great human, one of Hashem's Malachim sent here to help the world. I was shaking as I was driving down his block. Altogether an eye opening experience for me to be able to share things with him that I have never shared with anyone and he has true belief in me that I can change. 

Reb Chaim allowed me to speak about some raw stuff. 
Very very raw. 
BH I think there's a lot of healing on the way. 


At this point in my life, with the shalom bayis so rocky, it's hard to imagine me wanting to be better in cleansing my soul but I'm working hard to separate the two issues. 
I haven't cracked the code yet but I'm working on it. 

1) I have a marriage issue that requires work
2) I have a Shmiras Einayom issue that requires work. 

And never the twain shall meet!


I want to write more. But the Daf awaits. 
I'm really deep down happy with myself that I made it to 25 days. These are unnavigated waters for me.
As mentioned previously, 25 days is not anything I would have dreamt as realistic. 
I would have said that if Im not with my wife, I can't stop myself from taking care of the problem myself. 
It will take work, but I have to separate the two issues. 

Ok now I really gotta go. 
Bye
I love you all, my dear friends.

Ok. A quick glance at my watch tells me it rant o'clock. 
Will popcorn be needed? Nah. 

So I decided to listen to 'the chosson shmooze'
I'm skeptical coz I haven't heard a good one yet. 
Yes I paid $350 for mine and it was useless. 
It was before I looked at shmutz online and he didn't teach me anything I didn't know. 

Ok so I listened to #1, blah, 
#2, the question was, if my wife and I have extremely scarce intimacy, the wife has no interest in any warmth or any kind of physical intimacy, what should we do?
His answer; get help fast. 


Errrrr DUH (as my teenage daughter so elequently expresses) 
That's why the guy asked you the question! 

Ok I'll listen to part three. 

Hopefully my blood pressure can get back down to below 400PSI. 

Bye. 
(If you know any classes that actually deal with problems and come up with solutions, hook your brotha up y'all) 

Day 26 checking in. 

Shalom 

odyossefchai wrote on 27 Sep 2024 00:35:

Shalom Brother OYC,

I'm sorry for your frustration and commend your investment in putting in the effort to try and improve yourself.

I'm not sure you'll find a shiur that discusses all the details of tough situations. They'd end up saying the wrong thing for too many of the listeners and that will cause more harm than good. All the advice will be mostly a generic base. For personal help, I think you'll need to get personal with someone. You can improve your side of the shalom bayis by taking in these classes, which will help something, but for years long and years deep problems, there is a lot more work than can be covered in a few shmoozen.

You are already in touch with HHM. Maybe he can help you 'get help fast' by recommending a particular Rav / mentor / contact. Some of the baalei shiur can be reached out to. Rabbi Shafeir comes to mind (I don't know that he would be the one to work through it with you, but I imagine he can provide some referrals and advice, since this has got to be something he's familiar with).

Much hatzlacha!

Ok so some erev shabbos thoughts!
Ki hamitzvah hazos. 
Lo bashamayim hee
Beficha uvilevavcha. 

I just started my journey. 
HHM says, it's not about a daily fight with the yetzer hara, don't white knuckle through life. He says, change the mindset. 
You aren't a porn user. 
You aren't a masturbator. 

But it's so hard. It's so far away. I'm so far away. 
I've never had any help. 

Comes along the heilige bashefer and says, haven't you heard of GYE.l??? You will meet some holy holy brothers. Amazing special unique neshamos. Lo Rechoka Hee. They are there for you. They are with you
A whole bunch of people who I have never met will text me 'gut Shabbos' 
They will stand by your side, listen to your pain and pick you up. They will boost your neshama. They will lift you up out of the gutter and give you hope. 


Befocha uvolvavhcha, you can do it. It's there available for you. Laasoso. Don't stop. 26 days that you always thought was IMPOSSIBLE. it isn't. I did it. (I'm telling you, if you would know me, I don't remember 26 hours clean) 
I CAN do it. 
I really can. 

Gut shabbos my beloved tyra chaveirim. 
May Hashem bless you with all the brachos of our holy Torah.

Dear Brother,
I hope you find yeshuos, hatzlacha, and chiyus in life. 

Sorry to see you go (hopefully temporarily). 
Kol Tov