Day 73. 

Spoke to the master yesterday about the streak (73 amazing days) and he pointed out the truth. I shouldn't be thinking of it as a streak but rather as a person who has cleaned himself up and is now a regular person who approaches marriage and his wife as a normal, loving husband. 
BH things are hugely improved in the marriage situation. 
I would say that cleaning my brain up and looking at my wife as a human and a person who I have been tasked to love, has been a tremendous mindset change and one that I am BH getting so much better at. 
The bedroom is a place of calmness, tranquility, and gentleness. It is completely different than 3 months ago when I was schlepping my wife to the bedroom to do things to her. Now it's different. It's quiet time, it's quality time, it's 'happy with each other' time. It's a place where we take things slow. 

I will also point out that the bedroom was not my only marriage issue and has required alot of other work. Patience, understanding and more. This has been accomplished with the gentle help of HHM who has given huge amounts of him time to be there for us, guide us, and help us. I honestly don't understand how he has time for all the people that need him. 
BH we are in a great place and although there is still much more work to be done, things are moving in an upwards trajectory. 
Hashem has guided me to this wonderful resource called GYE and I cannot thank Him enough. 
לולא GYE,  אז אבדתי בעניי

I urge all of the strugglers out there to reach out to the amazing people here and use them to grow in your life. 
I am so grateful
ועמך כולם צדיקים

I have mentioned that the chovos halevavos says that someone who helps others do teshuva and grow in their yiddishkeit, is on a higher level even than the malachim. 
ועמך כולם גבוהים ממלאכים

Onto day 75. 
Feeling good about the new me, who doesn't need any 'stimulants' to get through the day. 
Believe me, there's been plenty of opportunities to get a 'release'
3 months ago, I would have a 12 hour streak!! 

But not anymore. It's not a solution. It's a drug fix. And of the worst mental kind. 

BH for GYE. 

Thank you Yosef for the update. Your meteoric growth makes the heart sing and gives hope to so many people that are struggling. So many people came on to these forums because they have problems with their שמירת העניים and addition problems with their marriage. When they finally begin working on their eyes, they find that for some reason there marriage improves bit by bit. This obviously is not always the case, but I'd venture to say that the vast majority of marriage problems can be made better (not necessarily cured) somewhat by working on these ענינים. Kudos to you for being a living example of this! KOMT!!!!!!!

The truckin don't be stoppin

Life doesn't stop. 
Spent shabbos in the beautiful Lakewood Ir Hakodesh. 
Managed to sleep, eat, daven and learn. BH in 25 hours, there's enough time to accomplish all that and more!
78 days and it's time to celebrate, the only way I know how! With a FAT shawarma. 
Tomorrow I'll go out to eat with my son. 
BH I am blessed. 
For many reasons. 
But at the top of them is for Hashem guiding me to GYE
I would be lost without you. 
Very very lost. 

בן שמונים לגבורה

Today makers the 80th day since i 'accidentally' found this site and the warm and loving people on it.

I came here as a broken shell of a human being.

I had completely lost hope of ever cleaning myself up. I was deep deep in the shmutz. My life was completely ruined. My marriage was falling apart and there was no hope.

But not now.

BH the marriage is better than ever. Life is better than ever. So many changes have happened and I have so much to look forward to. I am in the process of preparing for day 90. Not because of the number 90 per se. But because of the idea that it represents. Someone who was down in the deepest pits of hell, and I have climbed out. On my 90th day, BN I will post my story and what worked for me. As I've said many times, it was the people who reached out to me, who welcomed me, who gave me an ear to kvetch to and a shoulder to cry on. They are the true heroes.

May Hashem give you all bracha and Hatzlacha in your lives.

.

Day 83. 
Shmiras einayim is an issue. 
I'm trying not to put pressure on myself, as the important issue I'm working on is PandM and BH I've had success with that. 
83 days is a new life for me. Free from the shackles of the pain and double life I was living. 
BH marriage is way better, intimacy is completely different these days. I'm not addicted to sex. I'm in love with my wife. We are very lucky. 
Rabbosai, if you are struggling, reach out. Don't be shy. I know it's hard to open up to new people and share your innermost pain but it's worth it. 
The first few phone calls I made were so raw and painful but it helped me break free. 
Counting down now till 90 and working on my thoughts.
Wishing you all a shabbos filled with Simcha, warmth and love. Lchaims will be flowing tonight. 
Not too much because then I get too tired and can't learn after the meal! 
Gut shabbos

Day 86. 
BH 

Flex: I met Tzitzidude and can confirm he very much is a Tzitzis dude

Was there תכלת on his ציצית? That would complete the dude component.

Muttel wrote on 25 Nov 2024 13:55:

And I quote...

guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/380078-%D7%A4%D7%AA%D7%99%D7%9C-%D7%AA%D7%9B%D7%9C%D7%AA?limit=15&start=45

I'm not talking about the tzitzis. I'm talking about HIM. HE is a tzitzis dude

Day 87. 

Too busy yesterday to have any nisyonos. 

Joking. No such thing as no nisyonos!!! 

Due to the Mrs being in a small car accident Dr has prescribed 10 days of no 'activity' (BH wife is ok)
I normally would have lost myself. 
But I'll be ok now (as long as I can kvetch to HHM which I did) 
I will survive AND THRIVE. 
Hashem has brought me to this point where I'll be ok. Thank you Hashem for me learning these new skills. Slowly slowly I'm understanding why I had to struggle for so many years. 
It's all to learn how to deal with challenges. 

Off to daf and shacharis 
Love you all

Odyossefchai 

You can call me to kvetch too

odyossefchai wrote on 26 Nov 2024 11:05:


So I wanted to add on a thought here. 

Just to understand how sick I am  was. 
In times gone by, I would have spent the whole ten days complaining to myself, the walls, the sky, Hashem why I have been punished, and it's not fair, and why am I getting nisyonos that I can't handle etc etc. 
I would hardly be spending any time thinking about my wife's discomfort and focusing solely on my own. 

Now, although I'm not happy about it, I'll be 100% ok. 
It's a whole mindset shift. 
From total isolation and self absorption, to understanding and caring. 

Which answers someone else's question on here, what is the issue with masturbating. 
It's simple. Masturbation is purely self pleasure TO THE EXCLUSION OF ANYONE ELSE. 
It's selfish, self mindedness, that I choose to push everyone else away from. 
Now that I'm clean, I can stop thinking about myself in selfish ways, and look at someone else and see their pain, their life, and their perspective. 

I had to learn this lesson. It took a long time. It was very painful, but it's worth suffering just to be able to be a better human being. 

Day 88

Adding more on yesterday's thoughts. 
Disclaimer. 
None of what I wrote would have been able to stop me from PandM three months ago. 
These realizations only come after I cleaned myself up. 
I'm not really sure how I stopped. I'm articulating and percolating some thoughts inside my brain. I'll BN share them on Friday (day90) 
Everyone should have a wonderful day 

Good morning rabbosai. 

Day 90.

That's a nine followed by a zero. It means ninety. NINETY!
N-I-N-E-T-Y! 


I went myself and got a shawarma (regular chicken, not lamb, sorry guys).

I'll write more later, if I have time. 
Thank you all, for getting me here. (I did try to get to 90 without you but I maybe managed 90 hours)
Everyone on GYE should drink a fat lechaim tonight and especially those early tzadikim who reached out very early on during those cold, dark days. 
ועמך כולם צדיקים