Awesome!! 
it’s important to be aware that until you’re dead, there will be challenges.
sometimes they don’t come in the form of tremendous urges, but in forgetting why you are motivated to fight the urges int w the first place. וירא את המקום מרחוק

But knowing that it’s possible, feeling the joy of Tahara, seeing what cleanliness does for you, and hanging out with good friends - and above all Siyata Dishmaya- there are all reasons to be confident (while not overconfident), that you can do this! 

Onwards and upwards! Od Yosef Chai!!! 

I see the sun rise, high, burning bright, over the horizon! The is the heady scent of Chayim in the air!! 

Zman Simchaseinu! 

Chaim Oigen

redfaced wrote on 20 Oct 2024 13:57:

For whatever reason (ok I know the reason. It's the person who was dressed in a white gown at our wedding) I'm feeling like a rotten bag of tomatoes (you only buy tomatoes in a bag if you want to kill turtles and wipe out the entire human species) 
Did have some urges yesterday and I think that twitter (the kosher area of the site) makes me wanna fall. It really put me back into the place I was a couple of months ago. But with my new way of behaving, I didn't fall and had no plans to. 
I think I'll try to block it tomorrow. That will be a nice move for Hoshana Rabah. 
I don't really need twitter. I know Trump/Harris is winning.

Day 53. 
How is this possible? 
I don't know. Still trying to figure it out. 
Have a three day Yom Tov to work on it. I'll let you know if I understand how it happened. Chessed from Hashem, probably! 
Maybe you could say Hashem Helped Me! (See what I did there! )

See you on the other side, 14lbs heavier! 

Gut Yom Tov

Day 57? 
Thank you Hashem. 

Yom tov was so nice! 
From the evergreen Shloimy Dachs leading shacharis on Hoshaana Raba to the gevaldige geshmake dancing on all days of Yom tov, spiritual heights were acheived! 
Plus plenty of learning and several notches of belt loosening.

The only time I really had a hard time with my eyes was staring at the Rebbetzen of the shul wondering when she's gonna bring out those delicious world famous cholipshkes (the Hungarians will kill me for the spelling) BH she delivered!! 

I'm official OLD
בן ששים לזקנה
Today is day 60. 

Thank you Hashem for me finding this site. I'm in a good mood so I'll say thank you Hashem for giving me the challenges that led me to this journey. 
I'm beginning to realize that maybe my challenges were there for a reason. 
It's good to be clean. 
I want to stay clean. 
Please Hashem help me continue on this amazing journey and flight to freedom! 

(And only one more day till my PMs open!) 

Thank you to this most wonderful family for supporting me and being there through some dark dark moments. 
You are all בני עולם הבא!!

It's day 61. 

Urges were all over me, similar to my reaction when they bring out the overnight Kugel at the shul kiddush. 
Women out there begging me for their attention. 
Well, in my imagination obviously. 

I realized it was just the horny and anxious me talking. 

At 61 days, I'm not throwing it all away just because of a random woman in the grocery store. I woman who will not actually give me anything. 

I'm calmer now. A bit! 

Back to the daily grind. 
And the daily grouch
And the daily joy of having many awesome things in my life. 

If you have a wife, you are blessed
If you have a child or more than one, you are blessed. 
If you have health, you are blessed
If you can walk and see and smell and laugh, you are blessed. 
If your child called you 'daddy' (tatty or abba is included) you are VERY BLESSED. 

I AM VERY BLESSED. I have a great life. 
All my love
Harav hatzadik od yossef chai

odyossefchai wrote on 31 Oct 2024 21:36:

This is the stuff of legends. To have the challenges you deal with and still have this outlook is honestly awe inspiring! You are a humble spiritual giant of a man that I consider myself lucky to know. The way you are able to look at your life through rose colored glasses and feel 'ה's Chesed in all other areas is a lesson to anyone that knows you well. It was a privilege to meet you, and the hug was great!  keep on trucking and inspiring!

amevakesh wrote on 01 Nov 2024 15:25:

Hatzadik Amevakesh! 
Privilege is an understatement! What an honor to meet you. 
You are the first person I have met in person from GYE (obviously apart from the Prime Minister himself HHM) 

And why did you say 'hug'? There were 'HUGS'! 
Many of them! 
I cannot thank you enough for the warmth you have shown me! I am forever grateful! 

I want to wish all of you a warm and wonderful shabbos. Full of peace, bracha, and love. 
May HKBH bless you with true Aliya and may you all enjoy the belated chosson bereishis kiddush! Ahh the joys of being a Yid! A goy can't even imagine what he's missing with the overnight kugel, cholent, yapchik וכו' וכו

Good morning day #65. 

I haven't had 65 in close to 25 years. 

Thank you Hashem for guiding me to this website and to meeting the amazing family here. 

What a pleasure to see an esteemed brother reach a summit of greatness, Imy"h to be followed by higher and higher summits....

We've been gebentched, us 2 and so many more,
To have a Rebbe, an angel who's helped many many scores,
Of struggling brothers, despondent and morose,
Thinking they'll never be clean, 2 weeks at most.

Our eyes were enlightened by him,
That we can shed the layers of dirt, almost as if on a whim,
We can live higher and have great success,
Not tied down to the past or that great mess.

Living free is possible he said,
You need to look in the mirror and not be led,
By the YH that you're evil, rather see the קדושה,
That's possible, now, and after you've learned to live בטהרה.

GYE brothers take heed! I exclaim HHM's גדלות not for him or me,
He eschews praise of all kinds and doesn't need praise or acclaim on this world no matter how nice it may seem,

Rather I say this to encourage each and every one of you,
To reach out to him NOW, you can have this euphoria too!!!!!!

With the love, respect, and adoration of a תלמיד who owes his life to our Rebbe,
Muttel

Day 66. 

I'm in a different place. 

I wrote the following in response to someone else but because this is my page, I'll put it here too. 


"Even if you haven't yet reached 15 years clean, you can be ok. 

I'm only two months in and my life is completely different. 
Probably 3-4 weeks in I already started seeing huge changes in my brain.
It's not that I didn't have urges, it's that my approach to life was completely different without thinking about P and M all day. 
I'm looking at my life as a regular person who has challenges in shmiras einayim (who doesn't!!) and as a person who used to have a P and M problem. 

I'm now at a stage where I can have a regular married life without thinking about P in my bedroom and without non stop lusting and using my wife as my masturbation tool. 
When we are together, she is much more engaged and involved. We aren't perfect but we are 10,000,000 miles ahead of where we were 3 months ago. 
Am I 100% clean? No 
Will I slip up? Maybe

But I don't walk around all day thinking about when the next time I can find 10 quiet minutes to watch P and M 
I also don't carry the horrible weight on my shoulders and all the anxiety that comes with it. 
You know how you feel right before and right after you do it. Gross. 
I don't have that anymore BH"

That's my story and I'm happy with it. 
Have a great day! 

Unbelievable your an inspiration to me and many others here.

Was really a great experience shmoozing with you.

Keep it up and keep us posted 
With love akiva 

There’s so much to learn from what you write, friend. And Kol Hakavod, you’re an inspiration! Keep trucking and soaring, higher and higher! 

One beautiful aspect of your post, is that it can help guys see how much they have to look forward to by getting clean. 

As I’ve written in the past, it’s hard to smoke smoke because you know you ought not to smoke. Because, regardless, you want to smoke. But if you can develop the desire and motivation to live and love the lifestyle of a non-smoker, it becomes a different story!! 

Lichayim!! Welcome to the non smokers porners club. Enjoy the benefits. 
The benefits include experiencing real and meaningful -

Chaim

Day 69. 

BH still trucking along. 
Marriage is in a much better place thanks to the wonderful support from my beloved friends here and careful guidance from HHM. 
And of course from the One Above who guides us in everything. 

I'm enjoying not caring about needing my daily fix of P and M. 
The freedom feels good! 

Long may it last!! 

Have a great and peaceful shabbos!

Day 71

Thank you Hashem for getting me here.