Day 3 
Going well yesterday had small urge but it past quickly bh 

Day 4
full day so far. And keeping busy 

funbuchur wrote on 19 Jun 2024 19:09:

Keep it up and keep inspiring us!

Muttel

Fall motzei Shabbos in M 
gotta reset and be better. Next time I get urge like this I will immediately go to a different room for at least 4 min 
day 1 

Day 3. 
starting to read battle of the generation. I read through it before but read it as Information. Want to read it and try to use some of the tactics and ways of thinking. 

Day 4
I had a slip last night and it got me thinking, I had 60+ days clean and was doing so well what happened that now I’m back into this falling weekly and not motivated and feel like it’s a drag. 
I came to the realization (especially after @proudyougerman has been pushing me) that in the 60 days at that time I was speaking with someone from gye and being accountable and calling him. I was staying vigilant in staying away from triggers and I have written down what steps I need to take to not be in a danger zone, each day taking a commitment to stay away…
Recently I stopped messaging him I don’t know exactly why, it’s a couple reasons together. I guess also it’s also hard for me to have phone calls no place of privacy here and I’m terrified of someone hearing that I’m on the phone to fix this (the thought of that terrifies me) and when I don’t call it turns into a routine thing of texting each day, which makes it less meaningful. 
I really believe that if I want to beat this I need to reach out and call but I really can’t get myself to do it. 
Maybe sounds like a lot of excuses for myself. But at least I know what steps I have to take I guess that’s a positive. 

Your doing great with the posting so keep that up. Dont think o much about the mess up - focus on the 60 days you have (note: HAVE not HAD) clean becuase they never go away and how many times did you say no in those 60 days? so its much more than then 60 wins.

Keep plowing and keep reaching out,

As you noted, posting can't completely replace the personal touch of talking to a real person.  Come up with a "secret" code to talk about things that you don't want overheard. Is it possible for you to find someone that you can actually meet in person? I know that can seem scary but it may be the thing that will lead to ongoing success. 

It is inspiring that you keep on fighting! 

Funbochur
Pasting here what I just posted elsewhere. It may give you some encouragement that so many bochurim deal with this. Feel free to reach out to me. You can be my talmid for this inyan....


Just wanted to comment here that I pulled over a random talmid (who I suspected struggles with P&M) and gave him the opening to communicate. He said I was the first porson in his entire life that he confided his struggles in. He's been clean for a couple of days and now knows he has a Rebbi he can confide in if he falls who won't look down on him for his falls.

I'd venture to say the percentage of those struggling with some form of Kedusha problems exceeds 90%..................................

To all Rebbeim on this forum: would you consider calling over 1 bochur a day to discuss this with? This can be our opportunity to be מרבה קדושה to contribute טהרה in place of the טומאה we've "contributed" in the past!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm happy to share how I initiated conversations if anyone needs a boost.

We can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muttel

Muttel wrote on 27 Jun 2024 13:24:

It just has to be done with seichel. You don't want to become known as "the creepy rabbi." I recall when I was in high school a young "cool" rabbi approached me basically out of the blue and told me I watch porn. While he was right, it didn't go over well at all. On the other extreme, as I posted in my letter, Rabbeim who could have may have not pushed hard enough.
It's an extremely delicate balance. . .

Absolutely. It needs to be done with that push/pull and feeling out where he stands..... 

chosemyshem, always on target...

Muttel

chosemyshem wrote on 27 Jun 2024 14:22:

Who is educating the mechanchim on how to approach this.

@vehkam, I'm with you on the need for education. I imagine a Rebbi like me, whose learned from you and others on this site, are well equipped to approach bochurim properly. A Rebbi that's always been pure is probably not equipped. I, for one, need to get some more guts (I need to learn from PY and Eerie...) to be able to approach other Mechanchim.... 

Vehkam, if you have ideas you can share, whether here or privately, please do so!

Right now, I'm working on this one bochur at a time....

Muttel

Muttel wrote on 27 Jun 2024 16:16:

Kol hakovod to you.  As I mentioned to you privately At some point, I believe it would be important and Beneficial to organize a conference for Mechanchim working with bachurim and separately for rabbonim working with adults in order to update them on what works and centralize the resources available.  

@ muttel,
proceed with caution you dont want to get the name the porna rebb'e.
my personal experience,
the guys end up talking to each other.............and it ends up:  O' rebbe spoke to you? me too, me three.........

קרעטמיך
cande