Fell on Thursday, yesterday, and today. Ouch.

Starting over. Today. Even though I already had a fall today, I want that one to be the last one of the day.

What happened? Well, uncontrolled Internet usage. A familiar coping mechanism to deal with stress. It is a diversion and it leads to falls. I need to stay on top of my Internet usage, on top of my schedule, on top of my goals. I can do it. 

Sorry to hear about your fall.
However I’m very impressed at your optimistic attitude. I have a lot to learn from you in that regard!

Rooting for you!
OivedElokim

Do you read The battle if the generation every night or day? Highly recommend by the wonderful Vehkam, maybe that will help change the game for you.

Day #1.

@OivedElokim, Thank you for your reply. I have purpose and the good that I do and put out in the world far exceeds any falls. I think it goes without saying that I appreciate the gravity of viewing pornography and masturbating. Otherwise, I wouldn't be on GYE. Still, speaking for myself, I cannot let my propensity to act out (as opposed to some other shortcoming or imperfection) define my personhood and bring me down. I am human. I am imperfect. I do things that would bring me embarrassment if others found out about them. I'm just like everyone else. That wasn't my attitude before I joined GYE, but it is now. I have reframed my perspective on the matter and have had great streaks. Struggling now, but I am getting back up.

@frank.lee, I love the idea. That just might be what I need.

As I have been writing about, I believe that my issue lies not in a desire to view pornography and masturbate, but in uncontrolled Internet usage. Getting absorbed into this kind of zone in which I just start participating in this Internet browser world. Searching, but searching for nothing. It is a diversion. It is an escape. It is a coping mechanism. And it is what then leads to the desire and to the falls.

My goal for this time is to define my success not by solely refraining from masturbation and pornography, but also by my Internet usage. Did I escape to the web browser? When bored in my night school, do I look at something else on my other screen because that is my go to? When I am exhausted and spent at the end of my day, do I turn on my computer for no actual reason? I'm not going to count that as a GYE fall, but I will be writing about that here. If the גדרים and controls are broken, the plan is not working.

Here's to hope. Here's to the gift of each day.

Very true. Distracted web use is a major cause of slips. Beautiful undertaking! Keep trucking, my friend!

Starting over today. Posting here to affirm my commitment.

I may have zero days on my streak, but something happened over the weekend that can't go without mentioning. I reached 1000 cumulative clean days since joining GYE. That's awesome.

Day #1.

Posting here for accountability. Not sure how long I'll be up tonight, but I do have a lot of work that involves sitting in front of a screen. Will update before turning off my computer for the night that I didn't fall. Praying to Hashem for success.

Good luck, buddy!
I for one will say a kapitel Tehillim and learn a bit as a zechus for you to succeed in holding your desires at bay.

You got this!
OivedElokim

Turning in for the night. No falls to report. 

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 28 Mar 2023 04:17:

Lets rephrase the above too "turning in for the night, A wonderfull success to report"!! 

Day #3.

The other day I searched for "inspiring short stories" to read for a certain work related thing. This one came up:

An old Cherokee chief sat down to teach his grandson about life.
“There’s a fight going on inside me,” he tells the young boy, “a fight between two wolves.”
“One wolf is evil. It’s full of malice, anger, greed, self-pity and false pride. The other is good. It’s full of peace, love, joy, kindness, and humility.”
“This same fight is going on inside you and everyone else on the face of the earth.”
The grandson was quiet, pondering this revelation for a moment before asking, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?”
The old man smiled and replied, “The one you feed.”

Quick question of the rhetorical variety, was it a coincidence that I saw that story this week?

Up late. Had an urge. Said no. Going to sleep for the night.

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 30 Mar 2023 05:47:

Horray to u!!!!!!!!!!! 

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 30 Mar 2023 05:47:

You are an unreal inspiration!

Day #4.

Thanks for the replies.