Day #2.
Had falls on Wednesday and Thursday. This time around, I am going to do the same as before, but more focus on intentional Internet use as opposed to thoughtless clicking and browsing. I am job searching in addition to working f/t and going to school at night. I wanted to submit something to a recruiter before Shabbos and was up very late on Wednesday night. I was snooping around too much and one thing led to the next. Intentional Internet use means that I use the Internet for what I need to use it for. If I need a break from what I'm doing, I don't take a break on the Internet. Plenty of things to do in life to take a break. Should've reached out on GYE or texted. 

I started מכתב מאליהו from the beginning today and found the first piece, חיי אושר, very moving. Nothing earth shattering, but a reminder to me to focus on being at peace spiritually and not worrying so much about salary amounts and comparing myself to others. I feel some of my stress lifted just from that piece. (And of course, pornography and masturbation will not lead to happiness!)

Day #0.

I had a fall last night. I should've already considered it a fall when I broke the boundary that I wrote about in the previous post. I plan to set up some more accountability when I need to be on a computer for an extended period of time. 

Do you have web chaver?

Day #3. One day at a time. My goal is to keep the boundary that I set before, two posts ago. Namely, to be intentional about how I use the Internet. It is not a zone for me to hang out in. It is a tool. That's it. I have seforim and other interests offline that I should be spending my time with. On Monday morning, when I wanted to take a break from work, I looked into my chumash as opposed to looking around for anything online.

My plan is to post or text my GYE connection when I am going to be at my computer for an extended period of time for accountability. Thank you all for being there through reading my posts, thank yous and replies.

@excellence, I don't have web chaver. I am working with Python that has particular SSL certificate specifications. I wasn't able to troubleshoot the issue with GenTech. If anyone has experience with this matter, please PM me.

I know people who use python and are able to get it to work with techloq. They should be able to sort out the ssl issues.

Hatzlacha!

Keep up the great progress!

frank.lee wrote on 08 Mar 2023 08:22:

Thank you so much, frank.lee! I am going to give techloq a call. Awesome!

Day #4.

Day #5.

Day #7.

I resisted doing something that I did this week for a long time. I've thought about it and have done it for maybe a few hours, but never for a full day and never for a full week. This week, I was able to use the Internet intentionally. Email, other communications, and looking up specific things for whatever I was doing. No mindless browsing and clicking. I don't consider reading news a problem, but I didn't. I disconnected from the news and...I survived . I don't know what happened locally, nationally, or internationally in the last week and I'm really okay with that. I have long thought that one of my primary triggers is when I get sucked into the web browser even for things that are not necessarily a problem. The mindlessness that happens. The lack of control and intentionality. That leads me to falls.

In my last 34 or so day streak, I had challenges. I had to use the resources available to me to overcome urges to get to day 34. This week, I didn't have any challenges. There was no struggle. The boundary of not using the Internet for unnecessary purposes was enough.

But here's the thing. It's not only that I didn't look at pornography or masturbate. I was more productive at work, I learned [much] more Torah, and went to sleep earlier. I am proud of myself and I pray to Hashem that I can continue to keep that boundary one day at a time.

Day #8.

Keep it up, rockstar!!!

Day #10.

It took me a long time to fall asleep last night. Was just lying there thinking "I know a way to help me relax." Said to myself, "It's not an option."

Day #11.

Last night, I was up a bit later than I would've liked and I was thinking about "acting out" as it is referred to on this forum. Been spread thin the last week or two and I needed (and still need) a break. I asked myself what type of pornographic material do I want to view right now. I had no answer. Not recommending this to anyone as part of a prevention strategy, but that actually stopped me. I introduced logic and reason into the mix. I wanted a diversion. I wanted an escape. I wanted to be able to forget about my stressors. I didn't actually want to look at pornography. Called it a night and went to sleep. Still [proudly] holding by GYE day count #11.