Today I found a loophole on my filter for my computer, and I sat in my room for a solid 30 minutes staring at my blank desktop, deep in thought. I've been clean for 25 days since starting GYE. This has been the most active I have ever been in keeping my eyes from looking at the wrong things, even though I have had longer streaks in the past. The strength of reading all of your struggles and perseverance gave me the koach to run to someone to patch the hole in the filter and I feel incredibly blessed to have passed this nisayon without even a stumble. I feel an incredible kesher to Hakodosh Baruch Hu I can't even describe. Thank you all and I can't wait to hit 90. Keep strong! 

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Amazing!

these Moments are so powerful and that feeling of connection to hashem is beyond priceless. Keep building on it. Hashem wants that connection with you.

Maybe use the TaphSic method to avoid using the loophole.

Also if it happens again make sure to take advantage while you're struggling to ask Hashem for whatever you want!

Today I found a loophole on my filter for my computer, and I sat in my room for a solid 30 minutes staring at my blank desktop, deep in thought. I've been clean for 25 days since starting GYE. This has been the most active I have ever been in keeping my eyes from looking at the wrong things, even though I have had longer streaks in the past. The strength of reading all of your struggles and perseverance gave me the koach to run to someone to patch the hole in the filter and I feel incredibly blessed to have passed this nisayon without even a stumble. I feel an incredible kesher to Hakodosh Baruch Hu I can't even describe. Thank you all and I can't wait to hit 90. Keep strong! I'd like to offer a different perspective and hope you understand my where I'm coming from...



You write that you found a loophole, so basically you went looking for porn and then, at the last moment, decided it wasn't worth it. While this is highly commendable, to blame Hashem for that seems somewhat unfair. He didn't test you - you opened yourself up (as we all do) to porn and then changed your mind. 



The reason I am mentioning this is an old idea here, namely are you really changing or simply weathering the storm. If you say Hashem tested you, then you did amazingly! As though a porn star showed up your day and offered sex. Any of us that say no to that deserve a serious reward. But that isn't the case here. 



Sorry if I'm being too harsh but in this fight, the truth will set us free. 

I couldn’t disagree with you more. There’s a sh*ta in Gemara Sotah 36b that Yosef hatzaddik, actually came to the house of Potiphar to sin with eishes potiphar. And he overcame that.

Larry Bird wrote on 31 Mar 2022 12:16:

How does that disagree? I'm impressed he didn't go through with it, but he also "failed" by looking initially. 

You claimed that it was not a nisayon. If anything it’s much greater nisayon, and then a much great victory. He was already in the lions cage, and he pulled himself out.

Larry Bird wrote on 31 Mar 2022 12:24:

Perhaps semantics, but I don't think I said that (or didn't intend to). I said Hashem didn't test him. Again semantics: it was a religious test, but blaming Hashem isn't right. it also ignores the fall inherent in finding a loophole. 

bego wrote on 31 Mar 2022 12:31:

reminds me of the time i was driving in banaba island in the kiribati after midnight; i went to one strip club and parked, texted my sponsor and then left, went to another strip club and parked, called my sponsor and then left, went to a third strip club and parked, called my sponsor and prayed the serenity prayer and left, returned to one of the first clubs and parked and went in and enjoyed myself; told my sponsor afterwards that god and my wife are in kahootz messing with me.

The Midrash (Devarim Rabbah 1:17) relates that when Yaakov sent the gift to Eisav, Eisav tried to return it. As a result, Eisav received a substantial reward later on.

This Midrash is puzzling. Why should Eisav be rewarded for trying to return the gift? Yaakov only offered it because Eisav wanted to kill him. Why should Eisav be rewarded for trying to turn down a present that was only offered because of his wickedness?

Rabbi Henoch Leibowitz, zt”l, answered (Sefer Chiddushei Lev Bereishis, pages 140-141) that this Midrash proves something amazing: Hashem judges each mitzvah without factoring in whether the person brought the challenge upon himself. Even though it is the person’s fault that he put himself in this situation, and even if he sinned by doing so, Hashem still rewards him fully for overcoming his desires now in this challenging situation. Hashem does not subtract from the greatness of the accomplishment; He grants the same reward the person would have received had the challenge come on its own. That is why Eisav was rewarded for returning the present.

Rabbi Leibowitz continued that this is why Avimelech’s restraint was considered a favor. Avimelech and his people had to go against their nature to hold back from harming Yitzchok. It was very hard for them. Although they caused the difficulty by corrupting themselves, that did not make their act of overcoming their nature any less impressive. That’s why not harming Yitzchok was considered such a huge favor.

The message is clear: If a person puts himself in a challenging situation, or even if he strengthens his lusts by constantly giving in and now faces overwhelming battles, he still receives the same reward for struggling to overcome his desires as if it had not been his fault. Although bringing the struggle upon himself adds to the gravity of his earlier mistakes, it does not take away from the greatness of his accomplishments.

DavidT wrote on 31 Mar 2022 13:28:

A nice vort.

Some heoros:

1) This is simply saying that he doesn't NOT get reward because he brought it on himself (sorry for the double negative). I.e. it is not saying anything about who or what caused it, it totally ignores that. However, that doesn't mean the individual won't be punished separately for putting himself in that scenario.

2) Reb Leib Chasman in Ohr yahel - I don't recall where - argues that a person gets schar for their mitzvos even when they've become ingrained. That is because he took steps to put himself in that matzsav where doing mitzvos became natural. I would argue that applies here. A person is responsible for how he got to where he is. He can't blame Hashem (which, to reiterate is my main point so far) but he can still get reward for reversing course and denying himself.   

3) Maybe poshut pshat is Eisov got rewarded because sonei matonos yichye? (I havent seen Midrash inside so don't know if that makes sense in context)

First of all I deeply appreciate all the feedback. To your point in terms of me "blaming Hashem", that of course was not my intention nor the point of my post. To clarify, I had been using an app to research something and it suddenly dawned on me that due to the nature of the app I could bypass the filter, I wasn't exactly "looking for the loophole". I did not actually access or load up any of the sites I normally would, I just locked my computer and contemplated doing so, and then got a friend to block the app and add any websites leading to that app's download to my filter. Regardless, appreciate the feedback and it gave me great food for thought. Tizku le'mitzvos. 

Striving4more wrote on 31 Mar 2022 13:56:

Thanks.

For clarity, I shouldn't have used the term, "blaming Hashem," as that isn't quite what I meant. It was more a point of looking at external factors rather than within for the cause. 

Glad it generated some debate :-)