חי

Shavua tov all!

I was home for shabbos. This means i was back in all the familiar places with all of their associations. 
I slipped 5 or 6 times. Pretty scary. 
What got me to stop each time was the thought of having to start over. 
Although staying clean is not all about the streak, right now it is for me. I need to prove to myself that i can live without doing it. I need a tangible goal that i can work towards - one that seems possible (as opposed to just “never masturbating again”).
I’ve “tried” to get to 90 before (most i got was 29). But of course - “Do or do not, there is no try”. 
You need a few things to get there:
You need to believe that you can. This is no simple task - especially if you’ve been stuck in this for a long time. You need to commit. You need to seriously commit to a course of ACTION that you will do, no matter what. You also need encouragement. Commitment may get you off the ground, but encouragement will keep you going. And of course, you need tefila. If you want something, you need to ask for it.

Committing to post every day - and observing the impact it had on me, strengthened my belief. This belief, along with all the encouragement from the wonderful members of gye, strengthened my commitment to keep going. 
Thank you to all those who have taken time out of their day to read and reply to this thread. You guys are amazing. 
(this long post is to be mechazek myself - and hopefully others- after a rocky shabbos.)

19 days clean. Day 21 is in sight.

Incredibly inspiring post, gave me a lot of chizuk in my own growth, thank you

committed_togrowth wrote on 26 Dec 2021 04:03:

I wanted to say the exact same. Your bravery in sharing your struggle openly is very inspiring. Stay focused! You deserve this.

day 20 

3 weeks clean!!

day 22 wasn’t great but still clean.

23

day 24s going fine

This is all amazing! Giving me such chizzuk, as I feel that I'm in the same boat as you, that I never thought I can make it to day 90, but I'm trying super hard this time around. I'm up to day 13/14 depending on which counter I use on GYE.
@TheYoungerTwin, you mentioned that "i slipped and gave in to the “just a little bit cant hurt” temptation. But i told myself that its just not worth it and i stopped. " I have that happen a lot where I'm already looking and after a while I control myself and stop, but it always resurfaces, and I slip a day later. What do you do in that situation?

And another question I always had was what if I watch a lot and had the intentions to go through with the maaseh, but in the end I stop and hold myself back. On one hand, it was incredible gevurah that I held back, and it's a victory on the m********** side, but it was a slip on the p***. So is it a slip or a victory. I understand that the images in my brain are there now, and it would have been better that I didn't see them in the first place, but moving forward, will this moment of gevurah be beneficial in the overall fight, or not?

And again, a huge chizzuk in including us in your journey. You can do this, and we are beside you!

flynnrider wrote on 30 Dec 2021 23:30:

Glad to hear that this thread was mechazek and you should be matzliach!

About your first question: When we slip, we just give ourselves a taste. This reminds us of the excitement involved - but not the disappointment at the end. We inevitably want to continue, seeking that excitement. 
This desire wanes if you successfully avoid further slips.
The first step is to be aware that you are now more vulnerable and must act accordingly. I personally like to think about how the excitement only amounts to disappointment, and remind myself of just how many times I fell for the same stupidity through this same pattern - and how it never ends well. 

About your second question:
Two things. 

1) Divide and conquer. Even though they are connected, focus on shmirat einayim and shmirat habrit separately. In my case, there are 3 issues that must be handled differently: general lack of shmirat einayim, porn, and masturbation. Each one is it’s own animal. Each one needs it’s own attention. Whether you were “successful” or not depends on what your goal is (what you are focusing on). My focus currently is on shmirat habrit. (This doesn’t mean the other areas are hefker - it just means my main effort is put towards this goal.)

2) Any amount of self control is beneficial in the overall fight. Every time you hold back, you become stronger.
Regarding lapses, you can’t change what you’ve done already, but you can decide to hold back from going any further. If you exercise self control - at any point in time (even if you just watched porn for the past hour), its a success.

day 25
Have a good shabbos 

Wow! I can definitely relate to you! Pls remember soon you’ll have fully retrained your brain that sexual excitement and relaxation from it won’t be your reliever! Right now your retraining your brain, each day you go through is a fantastic accomplishment! If you can remember three things it has helped me tremendously! 
1.until now you (probably) loved masturbation in a way! It made you feel better, relaxed, relieved.etc etc yet it also made you feel guilty, like a fake, a double life, and so many more horrible feelings…now you can realize, your entire self! Fully hates masturbation. It won’t do you any good Whatsoever! What you really want is what masturbation gives you and that is- those releases! Therefore tzaddik, take that need and get it from somewhere really beneficial! Like exercise! Or things that replace this need :-)! 
2. the effort is the main part of this! That’s what hashem looks at! Therefore If a slip or a fall would ever come around ch”v this doesn’t take away all the previous effort you’ve put in. Your still many steps high on the ladder!
3.often masturbation can come from many reasons… often though, it can be from sexual desires and it’s your way of relief! Once you gain the right outlook on sexual life then you’d be less triggered mentally… 
keep going strong! Your a real inspiration! If you were here I’d ask you for a bracha! To see such a person, so dedicated, committed and wanting to grow and improve no matter what!-  Is a real inspiration to me and the entire GYE chevrah! Keep it up! 

git vuch 
26
(special number)

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 02 Jan 2022 03:29:

Amazing
BTW, 27 is even more special. It's 26 + ONE...