Hi everyone here on gye, this is yBird,

I want to post some of my struggle in my journey to 90 days clean,I'm in my low 20's with 2 children, in a Chasidic community in brooklyn,Before my chasuna i B"H didn't know of any shmutz (WHAT?!) not erection, not p**n, only holiness ty"h, but I did sometimes have lust thoughts going through my mind like imagining how to have s*x and how it would look like after my Chasuna, also I used to have wet dreams once in a while.

I married a wonderful wife and we had a wonderful marriage, but not for too long. The first 6 months after marriage we had a wonderful love life with intimacy every single day, but it all came crashing down when she got pregnant, it went from 7 times a week to once in every 7 weeks or even less! it was very hard for me, really tough but i got thru it for some time, till i discovered that i could have pleasure without having my wife involved RCH"L, also i started to watch p* on my wife's phone when she didn't see, first it was very few and far inbetween, but it got more frequently, and i sometimes i even opted in for own pleasure instead of real s*x with my wife,

After first baby things didn't get any better from wife's side, she got totally disinterested in having s*x, after a year and change she got pregnant again and now she is after her 2nd baby, and I'm reaching out to hashem to save my s*xless marriage, and myself from avairesi started GYE right before Rosh Hashana, together with the 90 day calendar but I fell a few times,

please if someone could give me some advice or chizzuk i would appreciate it very much.If you read till now please forgive me for writing such a long post
thank you.

Hi
First of all, MAZEL TOV on your second child!
You wrote: "please forgive me for writing such a long post" ...
This is YOUR thread and you can write as long as you want (and by the way, it's not that long - compared to many others).

The purpose of this forum is to help bring to people like us: support, encouragement & connection (which is the opposite of addiction). 
​My suggestion is that you connect to someone in real life to help you navigate and grow in your struggle. Someone like "Hashem Help Me" would be a great person for your situation. 

I work now in a male only office ty"h, i got an offer to make about double wages but in a office with no bounderies between men and women and i refused

?you think i'm on the level as yosef hatzadik

Ybird wrote on 02 Nov 2021 17:25:

The Rebbi Reb Zusha once said, "Hashem does not want me to be my brother Reb Meilech, but he wants me to be the most the Zusha can be". 
Every person has his own level of yosef hatzadik that he can reach... so yes, you are the yosef hatzadik that Hashem wants you to be! 
Keep it up!

So sorry to hear about your sexless marriage. I just want to caution you that because of your use of p. on her phone, she may feel that she's just an outlet for you. Even if it's not true, but if she feels that way that may be the reason why she's never in the mood. I know I'm saying a cliche', but unfortunately your wife responds to what you want and think about (don't ask me how they know - they know .)

If I were you I would ask an expert here on the site to assess how bad a p&m habit you have right now, and then go after it with guns blazing before your marriage goes totally off the rails.

If you want to try in-person meetings, that can be very effective (no guarantees) and you can have fun doing it too. I bet in Brooklyn they have meetings with lots of guys who look just like you, so you can feel at home too.

It's very likely that once you're *happy* and free of p&m, ie you don't miss her any more, then she'll start missing you.

SA meetings in NYC: https://www.sanyc.org/meetings

Hi, now on day 2, 
bh I'm in good spirits, see you iyh on 88 days on day 90!

Hi YBird and Welcome!

If you haven't yet done so, I would suggest that you get access to the Married Mens' forum. You will find many guys in similar situations as yours, and lots of helpful guidance and Chizuk to help you along.

Hatzlacha!

day 3! now we have chazuka!
see you in 87 days!

mazel tov to day 4!, thanks you hashem for giving me the opportunity of being holy!!

Ybird wrote on 05 Nov 2021 14:01:

Congratulations on your day 4!
You are a true example of celebrating "One Day At A Time" ... Keep it going!

Mazel tov!

bh, already 1 whole week clean!!!
tyh

mazel tov, already 9 days!

Ybird wrote on 10 Nov 2021 14:28:

Hi Ybird
How is day 10 going?

DavidT wrote on 11 Nov 2021 21:23:

back to day zero, achhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!