oivedelokim wrote on 17 Sep 2024 05:15:

Good chance it's also affected by the completion of the "streak". That's a loss of a powerful motivation. And so while obviously the goal is to change your life and stay clean for yourself, not for any streaks, that tangible count is a powerful motivator. They even hand out physical reminders in AA/SA. 

You might find it helpful to set a new short term goal (clean to the wedding) or/and a new long term goal (clean for a year).


Take this with a grain of salt as I haven't gotten to 90  

Your success inspires me tremendously. Keep on crushing it!

Hatzlacha!

OivedElokim wrote on 21 Feb 2021 21:37:

Wishing you luck on your March to a second 93. The longer the steak the stronger the urge. So wise to start a new count. Keep on serving bsimcha 

Day #95

Been dealing with a lot of sexual thoughts lately. Almost exclusively about the person I should be having them about. 
They are nevertheless disturbing and distracting, and I wish I could make them go away.

Any tips and suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Thanks,
OivedElokim

oivedelokim wrote on 19 Sep 2024 00:57:

Perhaps making a time for it? Like people do for worrying- its very hard not to worry at all, so they establish a special worry time and wait to indulge in worrying until then

I ddidn't have a solution for this when I was a chosson. I never watched porn but secular books were enough to give me a very false portrayal of what marriage and sex is all about. I haven't read most of your thread but if you have the problem I had with secular books or if you watched porn you should have a discussion with your chosson teacher about this. An understanding of what sex is and isn't could make it much easier to handle. You can probably also have this discussion or some of it with HHM.

richtig wrote on 19 Sep 2024 03:14:

Indulge indeed. 

oivedelokim wrote on 19 Sep 2024 00:57:

People like Michael Singer claim that you can empty your mind of all thoughts via meditation.
But for the rest of us simple folk, the only antidote to unwanted thoughts is other thoughts you find more captivating and engrossing.
(Like "ouch!" when stubbing your toe.)

Why is having sexual thoughts about a spouse bad? Isn’t it natural and should be channeled into a healthy husband wife relationship 

1day613 wrote on 19 Sep 2024 15:47:

Loaded question. Fortunately, we don't have to answer it.

Whatever can be done with sexual thoughts about a spouse, masturbating yourself while fantasizing about your kallah is not a good idea. It's not a good idea because it's straight lust, it's not a good idea because it's not a good intro to marriage, and it's not a good idea because it'd be horribly destructive to our dear friend's massive gains after all his hard work. (Full disclosure, coming from unfortunate personal experience here  except for the massive gains part. I didn't have massive gains going into my wedding.)

So it's a terrible idea. What can be done about it? Probably it's a limited time and it could be white knuckled through. But distraction is a better idea. A call to HHM is an even better idea.

chosemyshem wrote on 19 Sep 2024 15:58:

When did I say I planned to masturbate while thinking about my Kallah? I actually find the idea of that pretty disgusting. I merely asked for advice as to how to handle these thoughts...

Thanks for weighing in though, all the best!
OivedElokim

What I meant was if a person is married and has sexual thoughts about his wife every now and then, those thoughts are not necessarily bad and they can be channeled into a healthy relationship.

True, but Oveid isn't married yet, so those thoughts can't really be "channeled" into the relationship, at least they shouldn't be. 

Day #96

Getting ready for a wonderful Shabbos, TYH

Day #100

For some reason the past two weeks or so have been the hardest of my streak. I keep slipping and sliding, poking around places I shouldn't and overall placing myself in situations which heighten my temptations. I think the fact that I know I will have a sexual outlet soon is causing me to obsess over it more. I'm very frustrated with the length of my engagement and the concurrent need to delay all forms of emotional and physical intimacy and I guess it sometimes bring me to chasing lust in all the wrong places.

I really need to get a grip. Plug all the external and internal holes and stay clean in thought, speech and action.

This is not a drill.

Have a good night,
OivedElokim

Did you already speak to HHM about this?