I wrote a poem inspired by my dear friend Oveid's journey. Here it is.

The once mighty eagle, the lord of the skies,

With his fearsome brow and fierce yellow eyes,

Is now lacking strength, his great feathers their luster

To fly and to track and to hunt he can’t muster

His talons are dull and his beak is now blunted

The great bird, the hunter, is now the one hunted

The fledglings of the nest are waiting, desiring

To end the reign of the old ruler who’s tiring

With no other choice to hold on to the throne

The eagle smashes his beak on the cliff’s largest stone

He pulls off the old feathers, ignoring the pain

He sharpens his talons, his tall roost to regain

Invigorated and restored, his loud cry sends the word

You can’t unseat the master, long live tough ole’ bird

 

In the dark of the ocean a great beast does sleep

An ancient monster, the dark lord of the deep

Impenetrable husk, and shrewd inky eyes

With heavy claws and their terrible vise

He can live forever if he does choose

To cast off his shell, his prison to lose

But the strength that it takes to shake of his slumber

To wriggle and struggle and break free unencumbered

Is his greatest predator, his lethal foe

The final usurper he must overthrow

To leave himself vulnerable, his weakness expose

As his new form takes hold and his character grows

With one last attempt he flees the strangling embrace

Of his loyal guardian, the safe carapace

With all off his might he abandons his chains

The ancient one lives on, his kingdom remains

 

The man gives a hard breath and looks up above

Torn between progress and the faith that he loves

The soothing reminders of the life he once led

The thrill and discovery that beckon ahead

A life’s worth off torment has left its mark

The past slowly fades into the soft dark

As the man gets ready to leave it behind him

An attack on the cradle of faith does remind him

The desert foxes crawl up the high hill

With bloody hands many candles they still

A burst of confusion makes his mind see

That he must face head-on his destiny

Turning his back on the deeps that are shallow

To return to the path he now knows is hallowed

Shedding his feathers, his old self he purges

Throwing of his worn shell, a new man emerges

If you like this poem, please give Oveid a karma.

@HY613, thanks so much for posting this. Every time I read it I am filled with gratitude to Hashem for granting me such a good, devoted and thoughtful friend (Looking forward to getting my next phone call from you with deep questions in Chassidus

80 clean days!!! wow!!

Cant wait for ur insightful post on ur 90th day

Day #88

I wish I had more time to post here like I used to, things are super busy BH.
I need to start working on my post for when I hit 90 days, bezh…

good night!
OE

And iyh end off your 90 days post with a tefilah that you continue b'ezras Hashem......

Day #89

It's almost Shabbos, and there's a lot to do. But I promised myself that I'd write a short post today, Erev Day 90.

A post where I express some of the things I'm feeling now:

Endless gratitude. Most of all to Hashem, who sheperded me through all of my trials and tribulations.
To my dear Rebbe, the Lubavitcher Rebbe zy"a, who gave me all the tools I needed to fight my Yetzer Hara and serve Hashem wholeheartedly.

[A famous Chabad Chossid, Reb Avrohom Mayor, would frquently say: "We must thank Hashem for giving us our Rebbe, and we must thank our Rebbe for giving us Hashem", veda"l].

To all of my Mashpi'im, mentors and friends, both those currently active on this site (@HHM, @Zedj, @HY613, @HH etc) on those from days bygone (@Grant, @YG...) and those I know from my regular, normal life.

A strange sense of indifference, as if I had not accomplished a great feat, something that I struggled with forever. It felt too easy.

A sense of hope. Belief in myself, in Hashem, and in our ability to positively transform the world. To bring Moshiach. Finally.

I really have to go. Have a wonderful Shabbos. Will IYH continue on MS or Sunday.

Take luck,
OivedElokim

Day #91

הודו לה' כי טוב, כי לעולם חסדו.
ה' העלית מן שאול נפשי חייתני מירדי בור.
עלץ ליבי בה', רמה קרני בה'. רחב פי על אויבי, כי סמכתי בישועתך.

Instead of a time consuming long-winded post, I will post 10 things that helped me get here. Hopefully someone will find them helpful in their own journey. 

I'll also try to make time to post updates and thoughts here at least once or twice a week.

Seven Rules for a Clean Life, OivedElokim Edition:

1. Don't just post on GYE. Reach out to people privately, call and text them regularly. It doesn't have to be about this struggle. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It's connection.
2. Learn Torah. In depth and regularly. Torah study saved me in so many ways, so many times. Otherwise I'd still be watching porn daily, and probably also not keeping Torah and Mitzvos. "Torah Tavlin".
3. Pray. A lot. Both from the Siddur, Tehillim and especially in your own words. He'll come through for you if you turn to him with genuine humility and a broken heart. "Bechol koreinu eilav".
4. Engage in intense physical activity. Weights, running, biking. Whatever turns your crank, man. At least a few times a week.
5. If you don't have any hobbies, get some. Guitar, drawing, painting, reading etc. It will get you into a good space and distract you from lewd thoughts.
6. FILTER, FILTER AND FILTER.
7. Date, get engaged and get married. If you are married-Work on improving your marriage. My Kallah has helped me with this struggle (and all my other ones). It's tremendous. Marriage is not a hospital but it's likely that you have a gaping marriage sized hole in you heart. Filling it can do wonders.

So yeah, I got engaged, BH. To a woman of the caliber I'd never dare to dream of. She's incredible.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it here, publicly, mostly due to fear of being identified. But its been awhile so I'm not so worried. Also, if someone figures out my identity-come and get me! lol. I'm actually not entirely joking-Hit me up, I'd love to (re)connect over our shared struggles....

Wishing you all a clean and meaningful day, and much success in everything you do!
With love and appreciation,
OivedElokim

Brother- you forgot the last three items on your list!!! 

I will try these - tell me about if you agree. 

8. Intelligence and contemplation. Self awareness. Read this special thread and you’ll know what I mean. 

9. Be honest. Our admirable friend OE shlita has always been so. His truth sometimes cuts, sometimes pierces, but ALWAYS brings illumination. You open up vistas like the wide blue sky, brother. 

Where there is truth there can be change. 

10. Hope.
“I’ll never give up”. 
I feel that hope is a priceless gift from Hashem. In it is all the tomorrows that can ever be. 

You’re special friend, and you deserve a hopeful, true, new beginning with your better half. 

You have my heartfelt best wishes. 
Here’s a warm hug, I’m grabbing a big Lichayim!! 

Bottoms Up! (I think the Rebbe said that once at a Farbrengin, in Yiddish, no?) 

באהבה,
chaimoigen 

chaimoigen wrote on 15 Sep 2024 20:53:

Not more than four.....

chaimoigen wrote on 15 Sep 2024 20:53:

Wow, thank you for this!

I actually initially planned to write ten rules, but I started blanking out so I left it at seven. Thanks for being Mashlim!

Thank you so much for the compliments and the thoughtful post. All the best!
OivedElokim

redfaced wrote on 15 Sep 2024 21:09:

100%

Make the gezeirah great again!

@oivedelokim
So happy for you. Both on the 90 days and on your engagement. Made my day to see this. Mazel tov!

Day #93

Thanks to Hashem, as always.

Here's my newest pet project:

I want to change the world.

PM me if you wanna help. 

Thanks,
OivedElokim

I haven’t felt this much temptation to fall in 93 days.

Its probably triggered by loneliness, boredom and exposure to certain media I should be avoiding like the plague.

I will not give in, I will not give up.

I will stay clean for myself, for my G-d and for my bride.

Wish me luck
OivedElokim

Stay strong brother, for you, your kalla, for us….

Hope everything is ok….
Muttel