do everything to stay upbeat and positive everyone. gut Shabbos

Day #8

pure, BH

Great going, oivedelokim. Keep it up!

Day #23

Hey everyone, it's been awhile. Life has just been so busy and hectic in the best possible way, and when I come here I typically only have time to update my tracker and maybe browse through some new posts or respond to PMs. BH this week will be slightly slower, so I hope to post a bit more often.

Being that today is the 30th Yartzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe zy"a, I would like to share something I read today:

The Rebbe's mother, Rebbitzin Chana Schneerson a"h, lived in Crown Heights from the late 1940s until her passing in 1964. A young Lubavitcher boy used to deliver her groceries. Rebbitzin Chana would treat this boy with great warmth, often inviting him for cookies, milk, and a conversation. 

One day, after bringing in the groceries, the boy asked the Rebbitzin "What is your son's favorite Tefillah?". The Rebbitzin said that she did not know, but that she would make sure to ask him next time he came by (the Rebbe would make a point of visiting his mother every single day...)

Next time he came, Rebbtzin Chana has her answer: "My son's favorite Tefillah is Modeh Ani". This seemingly simple and basic expression of gratitude was the Rebbe's choice...

Indeed, the Rebbe would frequently talk about the uniqueness and deeper meaning of this Tefillah. On one special occasion (19 Kislev 5726/1965) the Rebbe expounded at length on many interpetations of this Tefillah, in Peshat, Remez, Drush and Sod and showed how the teachings of Chassidus illuminate each one of these perushim (This talk is printed in English under the title "On The Essence Of Chassidus").

I will not delve too deeply into this very deep, esoteric and complex talk, but I will just highlight one point the Rebbe made:

The Rebbe asks-Why is it that, unlike any other Tefillah, Modeh Ani can be said without first washing ones hands? The simple Halachic reason is that this is because it doesn't contain any of Hashem's holy names. The Rebbe, however argues that on the contrary-this Tefillah reaches a place that's higher then any name of Hashem, reaching the essence of Hashem himself! If so, how can we say this while we are still tamei?

The Rebbe answers (direct quote from the English translation): "Because all the impurities of the world cannot contaminate the Modeh Ani of a Jew. It's possible that a person may be lacking in one respect or another-but his or her Modeh Ani remains perfect".

Wow. I teared up reading these words, and then again as I type them.

This is an additional pirush in the words רבה אמונתך, which can be read not as a reference to our faith in Hashem, but Hashem's faith in us. The ones consumed with shame over the dissonance between our ideals and our ugly porn (or other negative) habit. The Rebbe teaches us that we are pure and holy at our core, and nothing we do can take that away from us.

I personally am resolving to take my own morning routine, starting with Modeh Ani, more seriously, and try to tap in to the boundless sense of gratitude we owe Hashem for giving us the zechus of being his precious children, cause בין כך ובין כך אתם קרויים בנים.

Thank you for reading-If you have any thoughts or reactions I'd love to hear.

Wishing you all a wonderful, clean, successful and meaningful day,
OivedElokim

That is a beautiful vort. Thank you for sharing.

(Agav, I tried reading the sicha (www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/4632005/jewish/On-The-Essence-of-Chasidus.htm) and got hung up at like the first paragraph. No idea what this means:
"הַנְּקוּדָּה הָעַצְמִית שֶׁל הַחֲסִידוּת הִיא ־ הַמְשָׁכַת אוֹר חָדָשׁ מִבְּחִינַת פְּנִימִיּוּת הַכֶּתֶר, וּלְמַעְלָה יוֹתֵר ־ הַמְשָׁכַת בְּחִינַת פְּנִימִיּוּת עַתִּיק מַמָּשׁ, בְּחִינַת אֵין סוֹף שֶׁנִּמְצָא בְּרַדְלָ"א"

I've never heard anyone say that chassidich torah is a qualitatively different type of torah before. Is that a common belief?

oivedelokim wrote on 09 Jul 2024 16:52:

Can't believe I'm reading this.

Not much is moving me these days, but there was something that moved me slightly last week. I read chapter 4 of of Ben Torah for Life (quite half heartedly, just a few lines, just to DO something), and he quotes a lengthy piece from a speech R' Michoel Ber Weissmandel Zt"l gave 2 weeks before he passed away. And this is EXACT idea he said. 

That רבה אמונתיך refers to Hashem's faith in us. If He gave us life this morning, it's because He has faith in us. Has a mission for us. Otherwise, He would have kept us upstairs. It moved me nearly to tears, but not quite all the way. Also, I didn't really do anything with it, unlike you. I just let the idea sit there in my mind, and I think about it once in a while. I guess that's something.

Then Friday night, when I got to the only portion of davening of the entire week that I still pay attention to, which is מזמור שיר ליום השבת (don't ask me why, I think it's just habit), I stopped by להגיד בבקר חסדיך ואמונתך בלילות.

I always understood ואמונתך בלילות to mean that we hold onto אמונה even when things are dark, (ala Chancy style), which is a nice thought when you're having run-of-the-mill dark days. But when you're having zero-feeling kind of black days, when black and white and every color in between is the same dull grey, that kind of vort doesn't do s*** for you, don't excuse my French.

But in light of R' Weissmandel's idea, I read it to mean ואמונתך בלילות, that it's Hashem's faith that we're talking about. Hashem has faith in me, even when I'm in the dark. Not that I have faith in Him. But rather that He has not given up on me. He's there with me. He's waiting for me, patiently.

Again, it didn't move me to any action, but it's a thought. 

chosemyshem wrote on 09 Jul 2024 17:11:

Hey Choosemyshem. First of all, thanks for reading my long post, I wasn't sure how it'd go over.

I'd like to address the point you raised, and I thank you for raising it. This is an issue that used to bother me as well, and I'm sure many other people reading this post might get stuck on something like that, so thanks for giving me the opportunity to clarify. I have some time on my hands so I'll try to be thorough:

This is a common belief in Chabad, (can't speak to the beliefs of other Chassidic groups, though from what I know I suspect that most have never heard of such a concept). It was discussed by all of the Chabad Rabbeim in different contexts, beginning from the Baal Hatanya [In fact, this is why we make such a big deal about Yud Tes Kislev-It's not merely a celebration of a nes that happened to a Tzaddik, but rather, it is viewed as a heavenly sign of vindication for this new derech of Chassidus, which is why the fifth Rebbe termed it the "Rosh Hashana of Chassidus"-agav, there is a fascinating story of Reb Chaim Ozer Grodzinski's response to another Misnagedishe Rov in Vilna who took issue with "creating new Yomim Tovim", I'd be glad to share if you'd like].

The last Rebbe certainly popularized this idea, as it is a dominant theme in his vast corpus of talks and writings, but he by no means invented it-in fact, this very talk is based on a Maamer of the Rebbe Rashab (the fifth Rebbe) in his magnum opus, Hemshech Ayin Beis (a series of Maamorim whose delivery spanned from 5672-hence the name Ayin Beis-and was never really completed as he passed away while working on it in 5680), and the general framework of the talk is culled from there.

That being said, it is important to clarify what the Rebbe is not saying: The Rebbe is not saying that Chassidus is qualitatively different in terms of holiness. Chas veshalom to say that a Perek Tanya connects someone to Hashem more then a blatt Gemara or a Rashi on Chumash. The Rebbe would frequently quote the Rambam (I think it's from pirush hamishnayos) that the posuk of ואחות לוטן תמנע has the same holiness as the posuk אנכי ה' אלוקיך. Just as this applies within Torah she'bichsav, it is also true of all areas of Torah She'baal peh, שמרועה אחד ניתנו.

When the Rebbe says that Chassidus is qualitatively different then other areas of Torah, he means the following:

In general, Torah (meaning Nigleh) is the way Hashem invested himself into physical objects and disputes, שנים אוחזין בטלית etc. Although one cannot overstate the divinity inherent in Torah, it is not usually perceivable. Chassidus is the tool that enables one to percieve the G-dliness inherent in every other area of Torah.

In fact, this is the nekudah of the entire Sicha. I'll try to summarize it from memory, though I may have gotten rusty....

The Rebbe begins by highlighting the Chiddushim of Chassidus, and probes beneath all of them to uncover the fundamental, underlying Chiddush that undergirds the rest of them. Then comes the piece that you quoted, where he lays down the premise that Chassidus is an expression of the deepest level of the highest sefira, Keser.

After putting forward that idea, the Rebbe goes on to "prove it". He explains that Peshat, Remez, Drush and Sod correspond to four levels of the Neshama (Nefesh, Ruach, Neshama, and Chaya), and that Chassidus corresponds to the fifth and highest level, Yechidah (shoutout to Yechidah, baal hareflections-I love your stuff!!!).

Now, the Neshama is one entity. These levels are not divorced from each other. Thus, the Yechidah is the core of all the other levels, and when one reveals his Yechidah, it impacts all the other levels in a profound way.

Bringing this back to Torah-when a Yid taps into the Yechidah of Torah (Chassidus), it transforms and uplifts his relationship with the other four levels of Torah-Peshat, Remez, Drush and Sod (I also think it's worth pointing out that the Rebbe breaks down Torah into what are essentially levels of analysis, not subjects. veda"l...)

This is where Modeh Ani comes in. Modeh Ani, probably for the reasons listed in my inital post, serves as the "case study" for this phenomenon. The Rebbe explains Modeh Ani according to each of the four levels, and then brings in the perspective of Chassidus, showing what Chassidus contributes to each level. I will not summarize them here, cause I don't mamash remember all the details and also because this post is getting very long....You already have the link

I hope this was somewhat helpful. If you have more questions, feel free to either post here or PM me.

As an aside, there is a fascinating story about Reb Yoshe Ber Soloveichik's (The Rav-YU, for clarity) reaction to this Sicha, which I can share if people are interested and once I verify the details. The story of it's publication is also fascinating, but I can share that with you privately if you'd like.

Wishing you all the best!
Oived Elokim

Bennyh wrote on 09 Jul 2024 17:38:

Wow Benny, thanks so much for taking the time to read my post and share this beautiful thought. 

I hesitate to give you any advice as you didn't ask me for mine. I will just say that in my own experience, action is always the key to get out of these emotional/mental/spiritual ruts. Action, action, action. Aggressive, proactive and relentless action. Learn a bit more, do some more mitzvos, and most importantly-do kind things to to others. The inspiration will come back, bez"h, but until then-do what you gotta do as best you can. I once saw a great quote "We do not think our way into new ways of living, we live our way into new ways of thinking". Take it or leave it, I guess. Either way, Hashem should grant you much success and joy.

Sending you a hug!
OivedElokim

oivedelokim wrote on 09 Jul 2024 19:06:

Appreciate this, but doing, doing, doing, with the wrong attitude is probably what lead to my crash in the first place.

Fair enough.

I gave enough unsolicited advice for today, feel free to solicit more if you want

Thank you!
I'm learning so much. If you have more to share and time to do so, please keep it coming.
Kol tov

Bennyh wrote on 09 Jul 2024 19:18:

I'm just going to paraphrase what Oived is trying to say, I hope I'm doing it justice. If not, I'm sure we;ll hear from him soon. This is based on my own therapeutic experiences as well as reading. Oived is not saying that a person should drown out his negative emotions by throwing himself into work. That might be a short-term solution that can be effective for a temporary rut, but for consistent emotional issues, this is a quick way to burn out even faster. The idea of 'doing' means that even when you experience emotions that hinder you from living your life, take notice of them, and then gently, but with conviction, decide to do the things in life that have value and meaning to you. This way you don't let your emotions stop you from from living your life. When the emotions fade, as they usually do, you have a life to come back to, and even in the rut you are being productive and doing things you enjoy. This frees you from being a prisoner to your emotions, which in turn makes them a lot less scary. This also allows you to bounce back faster and be more resilient, because when the storm comes, you know that it won't put your life on hold, and you'll be able to face it with more equanimity. 

Day #25:

It's been a long day, and I should probably head to sleep. But I think sharing some more of my recent thoughts would help me wind down and decompress. There is nothing I find more therapeutic then writing. It enables me to articulate to myself and others the flowing currents of my rich inner world BH. I also find that I have a G-d given gift for inspiring others, and hopefully this will be a post that someone needs to read:

I am still "under the influence" of Gimmel Tammuz and the cascade of inspiration and introspection that I experienced then. I want to talk about a somewhat obscure piece in Tanya and my takeaway from it. I understand that this is not a Chabad propaganda forum, and I hope nobody takes the following as a form of proselytizing. My intention is merely to process and communicate my own experience and to share what has helped me get to where I am today. Take it or leave it:

The Tanya is comprised of five sections. The first three are much more thematic and organized, and the last two are simply collections of letters the Alter Rebbe penned at various points. In the fourth section, titled Igeres Hakodesh (siman chof zayin), he writes a letter to the Chassidim of Reb Menachem Mendel of Horodok after his passing, to raise their spirits after the crushing loss of their spiritual leader. This letter is customarily learned on Gimmel Tammuz and the yartzeits of the previous Rabbeim. It describes the impact that a Tzaddik can have on his flock after his passing.

The letter begins with quoting a Chazal (there doesn't seem to be a clear source in Chazal for this, though there are similar statements in Chazal) שבק חיים לכל חי. The Alter Rebbe explains that this means that a Tzaddik leaves behind a spiritual energy to each one of his Talmidim, which is easier to access when the Tzaddik is no longer confined to a physical body. 

In middle of the letter, the Alter Rebbe defines who can tap into this hashpaah:
"פעולת צדיק לחיים לכל חי היא נפש כל חי הקשורה בנפשו בחבלי עבותות אהבה רבה ואהבת עולם בל תמוט לנצח, אשר מי האיש החפץ חיים לדבקה באלוקים
חיים בעבודתו תדבק נפשו והייתה צרורה בצרור החיים את ה' ממש אשר אמרנו בצלו נחי' בגויים"

When reading the letter this year, I was struck by the term הקשורה בנפשו בחבלי עבותות אהבה רבה. The imagery is incredibly powerful. It is a paraphrase of הושע י"א:ד- בחבלי אדם אמשכם, בעבותות אהבה. 

It made me think of the Tzaddik I feel most connected to-the Lubavitcher Rebbe, whose words serve as my beacon of fire in a dark a tumultuous world, who helps me serve Hashem with clarity and cope with the trauma of existence. Amongst his many qualities, he was a paragon of love. Boundless love to every Jew and every human, striving to empower them to unleash their potential and illuminate their environments. 

I would like to share a short story:

Every Erev Yom Kippur and Hoshana Rabbah, the Rebbe would stand for hours distributing honey cake to thousands of people, wishing them a good and sweet year. One year, a certain Chabad Chossid was standing in line behind a young hippy, with long hair and washed out, torn jeans. As this hippy reached the Rebbe, the Rebbe asked him: "Where do you plan on spending Hakafos this year?". The young man flippantly responded that he had no such plans. The Rebbe said "I would be honored if you would be able to join me for Hakafos in 770!". The young man nodded, took his piece of cake and walked off.

On Simchas Torah night, this Chossid was walking around 770 at 4 or 5 am. Many Chassidim were still dancing, hours after the Rebbe had returned to his room. Suddenly he spotted a familar face- the young hippy was dancing energetically with several other Chassidim, taking in the inspiration and joy of Zman Simchaseinu...

What a profound lesson in Ahavas Yisroel! The Rebbe recognized that by virtue of his neshama, this young, confused soul was worthy of attention, love and interest. The Rebbe gave this to him in spades, and it almost certainly changed his life.

These are עבותות אהבה. Cord of love that descend into the abyss in which a Jew may find himself, and may intend to remain....The Tzaddik throws in a raft to the ocean of klipah a Jew might be in, and in his great kindness pulls him out from the depths of apathy and despair. He brings him face to face with his inner, G-dly core, and exposes him to the great love of Hashem.

I will not get into the details now, but at this juncture I am certain that this Tzaddik, the Lubavitcher Rebbe zy"a, did this for me. For גדולים צדיקים במיתתן יותר מבחייהם. If you followed my thread, you will know how far I've wandered. And the Rebbe single handedly gave me the tools to pull my life out of the train wreck that it had become, and give me a new lease on life. Through his Torah, his perspective, praying at his Ohel-all things have transformed me into a new, better man. פנים חדשות באו לכאן.

I'm sharing all this because I want you all to have access to the עמוד האש that saved me from the depths of cynicism and despair. Every Yid deserves this as much as I do. And if you decide that it's not for you-at least you gave it a shot....

תעיתי כשה אובד, בקש עבדך
כי מצוותך לא שכחתי.

ה' ממית ומחי', מוריד שאול ויעל.

למען יזמרך כבוד ולא ידום, 
ה' אלוקי לעולם אודך.

Feel free to post here or PM if you want to hear more about my journey. I may post more later. Have a wonderful night/day!
OivedElokim

oivedelokim wrote on 11 Jul 2024 04:00:

Heilige Oived Elokim,
Be someone litvish, chasidish, or anthing else, Torah is Torah and we can learn from it. I would be considered litvish, I have learned some Tanya and it was transformative - spoiler: I did not become a chusid. What I did become, was closer to Hashem. Learn His Torah, grow from his Torah, internalize what speaks to you, and don't limit yourself based on these lines that get drawn between "types" of Yidden. We are all bnei Melech and oivdei Elokim. Thank you for sharing His Torah so everyone can have an opportunity to share in the connection that you have.
Kol Tov

Day 26

Thank you Hashem!

that’s it for now…