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OivedElokim-I’ll never give up
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TOPIC: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 40976 Views

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 17 Mar 2021 01:50 #365571

  • oivedelokim
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Day twenty one.

This depression ain’t going away.

I’m proud of my victory today, and I’ve done some things better today then yesterday. Learned a bit more, took better care of myself. Went for a walk/jog for 25 minutes. Spoke to my psychiatrist.

But the depression persists. The low self-esteem is only slightly higher then it has been recently. The resentment towards myself, God and the circumstances he put me in are still simmering beneath the surface and bubbling up into my conscious mind. I need to be redeemed from it. I need a קריעת ים סוף, in my mind and heart. 
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 17 Mar 2021 03:27 #365579

  • oivedelokim
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Going to bed now. Having an urge to act out. But I won’t, בעזרת ה׳.

I plan to wake up relatively early (at least by this week’s standard) and walk or run and daven with a minyan. Hopefully it’ll work out and I’ll climb out of this rut...
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 17 Mar 2021 15:27 #365601

  • oivedelokim
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Got up later then I planned to, didn’t get to work out. But I made it to Shachris for the first (?) time this week. Hopefully this day will be better in other ways as well...

Wishing you all much success today
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 18 Mar 2021 22:08 #365690

  • oivedelokim
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Day twenty two 

So it’s bein hazmanim again. Haven’t touched an unfiltered device yet, and I ain’t planning on it till I finish writing up the rules of engagement and sending it to my GYE accountability partner.

Otherwise I’m doing reasonably well.
Had an appointment today with a new therapist which went very well. Have a friends engagement party to go to tonight. So it’s nice and busy.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 19 Mar 2021 04:49 #365701

  • oivedelokim
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Just finished up my contract and sent it to my “mashgiach “. Heading to bed. Busy day tomorrow...
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 00:16 #365745

  • oivedelokim
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I really want to watch porn.
My yetzer tov is very strong right now.
This is hell.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 00:32 #365746

  • oivedelokim
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Just fell.
It’s so interesting how the pain of not falling is never as great as the pleasure of falling. It’s almost as if the desire to fall is a fantasy about a pleasure that doesn’t actually exist.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 00:36 #365747

  • yeshivaguy
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Uch, sorry to hear that man. This time period is super rough...
Keep in touch buddy, we’ll get through this on top

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 01:41 #365750

  • hakolhevel
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Sukkah 52A

R. Yehuda taught: “In the future, the Holy One, blessed be He, will bring the yetzer hara and slaughter it before the righteous and the wicked. To the righteous, it appears as a tall mountain. To the wicked, it appears as a hairsbreadth. Each group cries. The righteous cry and say: ‘How were we able to conquer this tall mountain?’ The wicked cry and say: ‘How were we unable to conquer this hairsbreadth?’

Sorry to hear 

The thing with me is, even after I fall and see how it's nothing, I usually want to fall shortly thereafter so now it's a time of extra vigilance.

It's also a really good time for introspection. What caused this fall, and what could you do different that would prevent it in the future?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

My other Thread: My Daily Inspiration

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 01:59 #365753

  • oivedelokim
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I think I need to create a plan that includes delay tactics for before a fall and consequences for a fall. I’m going to think about it and write something up. If anyone has such a plan please share suggestions.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 02:03 #365754

  • oivedelokim
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I think I also need to accept that this is a lifelong issue and I’ll have to find the strength within me to fight it. I’m sure marriage will help me as far as having a kosher outlet for sexual desires, but I’m not kidding myself into thinking that once I’m married I will never have urges to act out. I know that’s silly. So the sooner I learn that giving in to urges is not an option and that acting out is never as gratifying and pleasurable as to make it worth it ever, I’ll be on much better footing to keep fighting.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 03:06 #365760

  • oivedelokim
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Just wrote up a new contract, effective till 1 Iyar. Sent it to three GYE friends. Hope it works.
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 16:49 #365800

OivedElokim wrote on 21 Mar 2021 01:59:
I think I need to create a plan that includes delay tactics for before a fall and consequences for a fall. I’m going to think about it and write something up. If anyone has such a plan please share suggestions.


The delay tactic that works best for me is to listen to inspiring music. Whenever I feel the urge getting too strong I listen to the music and it gets my head back on straight. It reminds me that I can't let myself go, that I'm in control and that I should follow my dream, and that I should be just as relentless in trying to win as the YH is trying to make me lose. It can really change what you're feeling if you want it to. Give it a try!

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 18:18 #365816

  • oivedelokim
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Sounds like a good idea. I am actually a music addict, but I never thought of it as a delay tactic.
Do you have specific stuff you listen to as a delay?
Would love to hear if yes. Always appreciate music recommendations
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).


My current thread 

Re: OivedElokim-I’ll never give up 21 Mar 2021 19:18 #365820

  • DeletedUser825
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OivedElokim wrote on 21 Mar 2021 18:18:
Sounds like a good idea. I am actually a music addict, but I never thought of it as a delay tactic.
Do you have specific stuff you listen to as a delay?
Would love to hear if yes. Always appreciate music recommendations

Music is an amazing idea 100%! I'm also a music addict (for me sefira is takeh harder than the whole shmiras habris thing lol). I got tons of kosher music recommendations. What are you into?
My thread: Let's get this party started

Who the heck is Benoni?

Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. -Gerald Vaughan
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