Hi Oived, 

I am a little late to seeing these posts, I hope you are doing okay. I think there are two things I would say. First, it is so normal and healthy to go through cycles out doubt. Grappling with faith is an essential part of life. I think sometimes we are pushed to find a new approach to life, one that will lead to a real evolution in who we are as a person, and in order to get us to find that new approach our old approach and understanding is taken away from us. I heard a saying once that really resonated with me. In order to cross from one shore to another, you first have to lose sight of the first shore. 

The second thing is, remember that our minds like to extrapolate a moment, day, month, or year of our lives and make the assumption that the current experience now defines our entire life trajectory. We forget that experiences and states of mind of transient. Sometimes you may be taken very far from who you really are. You may feel a stranger to yourself and your life. But when you're in that murkiness, don't fear or panic. With time you always come back to yourself. Sending prayer and well wishes.

Realestatemogul wrote on 05 Dec 2022 19:02:

Thank you for your encouraging words. The lose-lose situation I refer to is leaving my native community and reinventing myself completely or living a lifestyle I don't believe in. I don't think either of those are a recipe for a serene and content life. Maybe I'm wrong....

All the best,
OivedElokim

committed_togrowth wrote on 06 Dec 2022 03:17:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. I'd say both points you make can essentially be combined-things we think are permanent are often transient. I do recognize that reality, and I sincerely hope that this is just a phase, and I guess I can't definitively judge that at the moment.
However the way this thing built itself up over the course of many months, perhaps years, makes me think that it is a sort of paradigm shift that cannot be undone. Like I said, I wish more then anything to be proven wrong in my self-assessment. I suppose only time will tell.

Wishing you all the best, grateful for your support,
OivedElokim

Hey, I know I'm late to the party, havent been on much the last two weeks. I saw alot of replies, I knew something exciting must have happened. Just how exciting I did not know.

I see everyome here tredding somewhat lightly, as should be expected, its a forum after all. Please do be upset at me though, if I am not as kind.

So my dear Oived, with no judgement at all, I have a question (and it seems to be a theme for me). Aside from your therapist, have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? 

What I mean is, aside from searching the internt, and watching lectures, did you speak to some of your friends and or teachers in person or over the phone regarding this issue? Did you discuss it in a clear and direct manner?

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Dec 2022 02:44:

Hey buddy, when I saw that you posted on my forum I was actually expecting a much harsher response then what I actually got, so no worries. I guess your reaction to life is all about your expectations. Ok enough philosophizing...

In answer to you question-yes. I have spoken to two mentor figures in my life, a sibling and a friend about this. The mentors were not particularly helpful (one said that all of my issues are really emotional in nature-I honestly think he doesn't have the tools to help me grapple with my issues on an intellectual level, although that may just be my own youthful arrogance talking-regardless it didn't resonate with me, and the other one just said I should keep monitoring my internal state-not sure what that'll do for me...), and as for the sibling and friend-I wasn't looking for answers from them, just empathy. I still plan to seek out more advice and help on this issue from my "real life" support system, but the GYE community is quite a good supplement to that. Thank you again for weighing in and showing-in your unique way-that you truly care. Your friendship is very valuable to me. 

Wishing you all the best,
OivedElokim

Hey OivedElokim, my apologies on not reading the forum in length but wanted to just tell you.
That You should have Hatzlacha, wherever you are holding keep it up. Just reading the Header it gave me such an awesome feeling towards myself, hatzlacha in all your endeavors and your journey, and yes I don't know your full situation yet so I don't feel it's right to comment on that so soon.  

If you have any questions on proof, emuna etc.feel free to pm me and I'll try to help you.

Personally I have asked many questions, always inquisitive, critically thinking... and I've read many books. I feel I have enough answers, and if I have one question of a hundred that was not answered, it is supercilious to ignore the rest and jump to a conclusion that it is all a hoax. Rather I feel comfortable that the answer is out there..

OivedElokim wrote on 08 Dec 2022 03:54:

Thanks for the kind words even if I'm not so kind 

Gye freinds are great, they can also be your real life friends. There is just a limitation to a forum, or for that matter any text messaging.

When I went thru this myself (doubting the truth of it all) i spoke to multiple friends and a semi mentor. Then again I was 18/19 so it was not unusual at my stage in life. 

You will get some info posting here, and it is good to post here so we are all updated, but most important useful would be to talk to people. Text has very severe limitations.

I am also telling you this from a point of semi-trauma or my own experience.

A Very close relative of mine left the religous lifestyle. The catalyst was clearly sex addiction, though this relative of mine will deny it . 

What bugged me most, was this relative reached out to groups that help people leave the religion, but never opened up to actual friends that they had for years!. 

In other words, often times people have issues, and instead of talking to those whom they are close with, they are already looking at what the other side has to say, and jump ship, without giving their own friends and family a real chance.

So I was personally a little triggered when I saw you reading outside forums. People will write anything on forums, it's not necessary reality., and I say this from experience, seeing what my relative wrote on these forums as well. 

In short, I would tell you the same thing I believe about my relative. I dont fault anyone for having any type of issues. I don't fault myself either for having porn and masturbation issues. 

What I do fault myself for, is not really trying to properly deal with it.

There are things I know I can do that I'm not doing or trying. 

Same thing I would say in your case. Your world is caving in, it's not a good situation. But there are uncomfortable things that you will have to do to resolve it, one way or the other (and I truly mean it, one way or the other).

The choice though is up to you. What are you willing to do. 

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Dec 2022 15:54:

To briefly respond to you main point-No, I have no intention of leaving Yiddishkeit before turning over heaven and earth to try and make it work for me. I have several people in mind I will definitely try to speak to on this matter, in addition to doing my own research and reading.

Thank you again for weighing in and for always being a sobering voice,
OivedElokim

OivedElokim wrote on 08 Dec 2022 15:59:

Procedure for Abandoning Ship

blob:https://guardyoureyes.com/08a39eca-8635-4188-9a66-a4da163b2038byIan ForteyUpdated onOctober 15, 2021. Innauticalknowhow

Boat Safe is a community supported site. We may earn commission from links on this page, but we have confidence in all recommended products.

The decision to abandon ship can have grave consequences and should never be taken lightly. For that reason, it’s important to keep a clear head and remain calm. The very first step you need to take when you are debating when and how to abandon ship is to consider if it’s truly necessary.

This may sound strange, but it is critical. More than one boater has abandoned ship only to make the situation worse. This is because there are times when a boat is simply disabled. Or it begins to sink but only partially submerges. In those cases, it is likely safer to remain on the boat. Your survival ability on a life raft can decrease significantly. You have fewer resources and are harder to spot on a life raft. A disabled vessel may be able to handle rough seas and weather better than a life raft as well.

For this reason, abandoning ship should only be done when you are certain your vessel is going to sink. If you are confident that you and your crew are in danger if you remain, it’s time to leave.

This is when keeping a clear head is so important. Your pulse will be racing. If you have passengers on board they may be panicking. Stay calm and organized. You will need to move quickly but safely.

These are the initial steps you want to take before you even look at your life raft.

·         Put on all available waterproof clothing, including gloves, headgear, andlife jacket. Make sure every person on board has a proper life jacket and they are wearing it.

·         Collect your survival kit. If possible get extra blankets or clothing. It’s good to have these in a dry bag for emergencies.. Your survival kit should contain some flares, food and water, ahandheld VHF radioand something likean EPIRB. This will help rescuers find you as soon as possible. It’s also good to have a search and rescue transponder (SART) as well.

·         Note your present position. This will help rescuers narrow down where to search. Your EPIRB and GPS are important, but be thorough. Confirm your location as you are preparing to abandon ship.

·         Send out MAYDAY message.

How to Send a MAYDAY

A MAYDAY is sent in emergencies only. There are other distress calls, like a Pan Pan, which request assistance but are less immediate. MAYDAY means you are in immediate, life-threatening danger.

REMEMBER:These are taken very seriously by the Coast Guard. A false MAYDAY is a criminal offense. You can get fined for making one as a joke or when they don’t apply.

If you are abandoning ship, the Coast Guard and rescue teams need to know. Here’s an example of a MAYDAY you can send.

·         Make sure your VHF radio is on channel 16. This is the channel reserved for emergency communications

·         You should have a DSC enabled radio. Press the DISTRESS button. The radio should beep. This will transmit all of your boat’s informationto the Coast Guard.

·         Press the transmit button and repeated MAYDAY MAYDAYMAYDAY

·         State the name of your vessel and your boat ID number

·         State your position

·         Now you can detail the nature of the emergency. Let the coast Guard and rescuers know what has happened. Also explain how many people are on board. Finally, explain the assistance you require. For example, you might say “Our engine caught fire. There are four of us on board. We are abandoning ship and need immediate rescue.”

·         Alert rescuers if there are any injuries that have occurred. This can affect the nature of how they rescue you, so it’s important. If someone has had a heart attack, for instance. Rescuers need to know.

·         Include any additional, relevant info that may help rescue. This could include the type of boat you have. You may also mention the size or color. Anything that can help rescuers find you faster.

·         Provide the rescuers with a timeline if at all possible. If your boat is sinking, let them know approximately how much time you think you have. If the boat will be submerged before help can arrive, they need to know. Otherwise they’ll be looking for something that’s not there.

·         Wait for a response for as long as you safely can. This is a crucial step. If no one heard your MAYDAY then it won’t do you much good. Of course, you may only have a short amount of time. But repeat your message for as long as you safely can. If your emergency and position are not confirmed by the Coast Guard, rescuers will likely not be coming.

·         Once you have a response, make sure they can repeat your location back to you. Confirm that it is correct. Then you can proceed with your emergency abandoning of the ship

·         If you are unable to get a reply, you may need to abandon ship anyway and try your best with a handheld radio in the life raft. Always prioritize your life and the lives of your passengers.

Abandoning Ship

Now that you have alerted rescuers, you will need to evacuate the vessel. Again, there are several steps to take to ensure your safety.

·         Launch life raft attached to ship. Make sure it’s secured to your vessel on launch. Attach the painter to something like a cleat. The painter is the rope attached to your life raft. If possible, launch your life raft downwind.

·         The painter could be upwards of 50 feet long. For most rafts, you’ll need to pull this line taut. When it’s ready, one final tug will release the CO2 canister and inflate the raft. You should be familiar with your particular raft and its operation ahead of time.

·         Launch dinghy attached to life raft.

·         Activate your EPIRB (emergency position indicator radio beacon).

·         Try to enter the life raft directly from the boat (if impossible, use minimal swimming effort to get on board). You don’t want to get in the water if you can avoid it.

·         Make sure all passengers and crew are accounted for.

·         Cut your life raft free from the vessel. Do this as close to the vessel as possible. This ensures you have as much rope as possible. Get a safe distance from the sinking vessel.

·         Collect all available flotsam. The most unlikely articles can be adapted for use under survival conditions.

·         Keep warm by huddling bodies together. Keep dry, especially your feet. If your model of raft has any ability to keep you sheltered and dry, deploy it as soon as possible.

·         Your raft should have bailing scoops and sponges included. Use them to keep the raft dry now if necessary.

·         Stream a sea anchor. SOLAS approved rafts do this automatically.

·         Use your handheld VHF radio to make emergency calls. If you have not confirmed location with the Coast Guard, you should continue to do so now.

·         The EPIRB can be secured with its line to the raft so that it can float in the water.

·         Distribute sea sickness pills. Treat any injuries with your first aid kit.

·         Arrange lookout watches. With an active EPIRB broadcasting your signal, help should be on the way. Keep watch for the Coast Guard or any other vessels. You may need to flag down a passing ship.

·         Use flares only on skipper’s orders when there is a real chance of them being seen. These are best reserved for when you have visual contact with other vessels.

·         Alert Coast Guard of any injuries if applicable. Keep them apprised of your situation so they can best prepare. Early communication is important.

·         Try to avoid eating or drinking for the first 24 hours if possible. You will need to ration your food if rescue does not come right away, so be prepared.

·         Arrange for collecting rainwater. Ration water to maximum one-half quart per person per day, issued in small increments. Do not drink seawater or urine. If water is in short supply, eat only sweets from survival rations.

Act Like a Captain

As we have said, keeping calm is key. If you have family and friends on board, they will likely be scared. The captain needs to keep everyone calm and organized. It’s okay if you’re scared as well. But you need to project confidence. If not for yourself, for everyone else. It’s a tall order, but this is an emergency, right? You’re being forced to step up for the safety of everyone.

If the captain projects a calm and confident attitude, the crew will be reassured and since an anxious crew means poor judgment and performance, a captain should do all he or she can to keep the crew calm. The idea here is not to lie to your crew, and certainly not to fake a fearless, macho manner, going down with the ship is a pretty dumb plan. The idea is that, by maintaining a calm, deliberate attitude in the face of a dire situation, you can help your crew remain effective and perhaps help save lives. If you need to fake that attitude to some degree, so be it.

Emergency Communications

When trouble strikes, there are many ways to communicate your distress and seek help. Use your VHF or single-sideband radio and follow the procedures for distress.
There are three levels of priority communications: distress, urgent, and safety, identified by MAYDAY, PAN-PAN, and SECURITE. Understand the differences by reviewing the tip on radio procedures . Panicked radio communications can confuse a rescue effort. Learn the proper procedures. Try to stay calm. Use the acceptable distress signals as outlined in the Navigation Rules. Flares are fast and effective — red for distress.

The Bottom Line

Abandoning a ship is going to be a stressful and frightening situation. Rescue could be an hour away or days away. No matter what happens, keeping your head is important. Being prepared is key for a quick and efficient rescue. You must have a VHF radio and an EPIRB. Consider including a SAT phone as well. Have anabandon ship bagat the ready. Communication is the most important tool for survival in this situation. VHF radios don’t always have the range necessary to keep you seen and heard. Maybe sure you have at least one backup, and ideally more.

Be familiar with your emergency devices. The EPIRB, the SART, the life raft and flares. Know how to use them and make sure your crew does as well. Keep others calm as you keep yourself calm. Trust in your training and knowledge to help you through.

What a bummer-just wrote up a whole post and it got lost somehow...

Anyways an update:

Regarding my Emunah issues-not much has changed, although I am less stressed out and more hopeful of ultimately reconciling myself with Judaism. There are still many conversations to be had, books and articles to read, and thoughts to sort out. Thank you all for the support you've been giving me on this journey, and I hope to soon reach my destination of Emunah and menuchas hanefesh.

Regarding Inyanei Kedusha-I haven't seen porn in a few days, not by design but simply because I was too busy for it, BH.
Masturbation has remained a consistent part of my routine though.

A good "real life" friend confided in me this week that he struggles with porn use. I did not tell him about GYE yet because I'm doubtful that he'd be open to joining, and I prefer to support him in other ways for the time being. I am moved that he felt safe opening up to me, and proves to me yet again the prevalence of this disease amongst many of the people I know and love.

Anyways that's the story.
Thanks for reading,
OivedElokim

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Dec 2022 15:54:

 You've hit the nail on the head.

In the right time, try to let your friend know about this site, and that there is this forum on it!

OivedElokim wrote on 08 Dec 2022 21:32:

To my chaver OivedElokim,

Maybe some will sledgehammer me for saying this, but maybe, just maybe, not seeing pornography for a few days is part of the cause of you feeling more hopeful reconciling yourself with Judaism.  One could explain such a reaction from either a psychological angle, or from a ruchniyus angle, or both.

That being said, i feel for the pain and turmoil you are experiencing and pray for you to have simchas hachaim and menuchas hanefesh.

Your buddy,  HHM (i believe you know my real name as well)

Hey there. It's been awhile. Just checking in to say that I've been through a lot over the past week and a half, and I am proud to say that I overcame a very big Nisayon. More on that later. Maybe...