OivedElokim wrote on 08 Sep 2022 14:50:

Way to go!

Great to hear, keep it up!

Had a great, productive day. I'm gaining momentum in all areas of my life, and kedusha inyonim are no exception.

@Hashem: Please help me continue down this path of productivity, fulfillment, social connection and purity that I am currently in, and if I stray a bit-let me have the strength to bounce back without wallowing in feelings of failure and self-loathing.

My "Mitzvah Notes" for today:

1. Called my father (putting it first because it was the hardest...)
2. Gave Tzedaka
3. Shachris and Maariv b'tzibur (was a busy day and I forgot about Mincha   )
4. Learned in the morning
5. Learned at night.

I plan on continuing the Mitzvah Note segment till Rosh HaShana, after which I will determine if it's necessary to continue.
Until then you will have to cope with me tooting my own horn 

Had a great long convo tonight with a new buddy from GYE. My GYE friends are in many ways my closest friends-as there is no need for "small talk" (which I happen to hate, btw), and I am extremely grateful for them. They enrich my life in so many ways.

Thanks to all of you!

Good night,
OivedElokim

Hey, pretty full day today, BH. 
A little worried that I'll fall Shabbos, as I can't reach out for support. 
Therefore I'm committing $50 to an unnamed politician who I don't like (trying to stay out of politics over here...) reelection campaign if I masturbate at any time over Shabbos.

Todays Mitzvos:

1. Shachris in shul, heard Kedusha and Borchu
2. Called my mother
3. Put on Tefillin with a yid that wouldn't have done so himself
4. Same as 3
5. Same as 4

Wishing everyone a restful and enjoyable Shabbos!

Thank you all,
OivedElokim

Looks like I got banned from the chat, can't think of anything I did that would warrant that...
Anybody know why that may have happened and what I can do about it?

I was banned also. I send email and never got a response. I guess they do that easily around here.

Yeah same here. 
I sent an email and the response I received was that they limited the chat for now.

The chat is a great way to welcome new guys and connect with people....hopefully it's back up soon.

Gut voch.
Had a good Shabbos, BH. Stayed clean.

Seems like the chat was temporarily shut down. I hope it reopens soon.

Hope to have more good news to share tomorrow,
OivedElokim

The chat is like the queen.

What are you missing out on from not being there?
Are you referring to private chat

Yes, don't care much for the public chat...

Didn’t have the best day, feeling weak right now. Texted two guys, hopefully I’ll stay clean.

Fell shortly after I posted that. Didn't impact my motivation or self-image much. Not sure if that's a good thing.

Anyways I fell into a bit of a slump lately, waking up late etc. Trying to get back into a good routine...

5 Mitzvos for today:

1. Learned Chassidus with a chavrusa
2. Mincha b'tzibur
3. Learned Shulchan Aruch with a chavrusa
4. Learned 5 prokim of Mishnayos myself
5. Maariv b'tzibur

Been keeping in touch with guys from the site, find it to be very helpful.
Gonna try 'n get an early night and be up early tomorrow.
Hope to report that I'm happy, successful and clean tomorrow.

Thanks for reading
OivedElokim

Unfortunately I fell again tonight. It was my third fall since my new contract. My falls also coincided with a slump in my happiness/mood. Don't think that's random, and it drives home how important being happy is to this struggle.

Made a bit of a cheshbon to figure out what went wrong. Made a new contract offline with a GYE friend who generously offered an incentive to help me get the ball rolling. I may post the contract I made with him later. ותהא משכורתו שלימה מן השמים.

5 Mitzvos for today:

1. Chassidus with a chavrusa
2. Starting a new chavrusa in גפ"ת , which was particularly invigorating
3. Learned Shulchan Aruch
4. Learned 5 prokim of Mishnayos
5. Mincha/Maariv b'tzibur

Looking forward to a better day tomorrow and good things to come.
OivedElokim

Clean day today, BH.

5 Mitzvos for today:

1. Chavrusa in Gemara
2. Mincha b'tzibur
3. Chavrusa in Shulchan Aruch
4. Learned 3 perokim of Mishnayos
5. Maariv b'tzibur
6. Called my father

Hope to have good news to report tomorrow
OivedElokim

OivedElokim wrote on 16 Sep 2022 04:47:

That last mitzvah really touched me and brought a tear to my eye. I wish I knew who you were, so that I could hug you and tell you that you have a נשמה טהורה, a pure soul.

You wrote a post or two earlier that your fall didn't affect your motivation and self-image and you wrote "not sure if that's a good thing." I think it is a good thing. You have started listing Torah learning and davening at the suggestion of one of the GYE legends and, perhaps, you are starting to appreciate that the good and holiness that you put out in the world far outweighs whatever comes out of a fall. It may feel sacrilegious to say it because it comes off as downplaying a fall, but I believe it. We all know falls are "the worst." That's why we are on GYE. Still, why should a fall affect your motivation and your self-image. You are an amazing person and you made this GYE user shed a tear!