Wish I could stop yearning for pritzus.
Just learnt for a couple hours and now I’m in bed chalishing for bad vids/to masterbate...

Stay strong buddy, we’re in this together.

I will say though that at a point it becomes easier, though I don’t think one ever loses the taiva...
The ikur now is def to work on the gedarim.
Over time, the more we associate with our Neshama over our Guf we’ll prob feel less pull to these things, but now the Avoda is to keep away...
Anyway, Gn, keep in touch and keep strong!

If I had a button that would take away my own feeling of nostalgia to porn, I would press it. 

It's a oldi but a goodie for the yetzer hora.
That is what restarts the vicious cycle.
Obviously recognize and be aware of how you feel but don't focus on it.

We all have desires, but as you said I don't think the way to go is to kill the desire. 
(Dovid hamelech killed his desire, obviously as far as I can tell I'm not on this level) 

The oived constantly works on himself, in this case, It's to not act on it nore give any attention to it. Busy yourself with a distraction,  doing a good deeds ECT ECT.        

OivedElokim wrote on 29 Nov 2020 06:29:

Whats wrong with having nostalgia for it? I assume a baal teshuva misses the cheeseburger. We all have things we wish we could have and we say "Sorry, not available". Meanwhile, find something to do when that nostalgia hits. a good basketball game, jog, or treadmill can replace it. Calling a GYE chaver and sharing can also bust the hot air balloon. There are many eitzos. Find what works best for you. But do not look down at yourself for having urges that Hashem gave you....

OivedElokim wrote on 29 Nov 2020 06:29:

The power of memories. They are incredibly intense. As far as I'm concerned there's nothing we can actively do to eradicate them. They are going to stay with us for a long time, like an unwanted guest who doesn't take hints.

Do I miss the days of struggle free submission? Certain parts of them. The ease of quick pleasure feels more exciting than mature conscious responsible discipline. The rush of overwhelming ectasy more tantalizing than an investment paying small dividends overtime.

Oh! The sweetness! But it's not a sweetness borne of real honey or sugar. It's a short lived cloying saccharine. An artificial dose of bliss which always leaves us feeling worse.

We don't have to fool ourselves that we don't enjoy it or crave it. Let us not walk a path of futility. We don't have to gouge our eyes to blind ourselves to what's in front of us. We ran the gamut quite a few times. We can all write the prologue. We understand the honest truth in a sincere way. So let that be the antidote.

When feeling that incapacitating desire swamp us enticingly, or deluged with a dose of sweet memories, we don't have to run away from them and beat those feelings down. Let us not treat them as the enemy. They are but innocent one sided wisps of recollection. Powerless partisan reminiscences. They influence nothing but our own nonsensical fear over our inability to withstand their temptation.

But let truth reign! Let our inner integrity vanquish falsity. We must remember the reason we are in the GYE ring. Why we are constantly muscling our way through this obstacle course. Obviously those pleasures weren't indeed so pleasurable. It seems the overpowering pull was in truth fool's gold. They were mightily outweighed by their competitors and wildly outnumbered by their opponent.

So in simple English:

Yes, although the pleasure is so overwhelming sometimes that we feel like we literally will pop and go crazy, we have no reason to deny or run away from those feelings. All we can and should do is accept them and tell ourselves, yes it's super delicious , but obviously I'll be happier without it. If not I would've already indulged without dialogue.

So you feel like you do. It doesn't mean you are losing or you will give in. It's not a failing of any sort. It's nature. We tend to remember select parts of the past without all the other facts being present. Accept the thought like an old friend, and continue with your life.

Only when settled comfortably in our graves can we rest assured that these feelings will be buried as well.

                                  Grant

Ok. I fell again. Just mastubration , no porn. I used a new ostensibly benign app to access explicit podcasts. I deleted the app. But I haven’t broken my commitment to not using unfiltered devices without safeguards, and in that regard my streak is intact.
I’m gonna get back up and truck ahead. Don’t find the alternative too appealing...

Also, the app wasn’t the main culprit. The main issue was the fact that I allowed myself a full day with very little structure (even minyan) or tasks, as I often do when I’m on break from yeshiva. That never ends well. Tomorrow is going to be a busier day, but generally I need a long term strategy to deal with my off days.

What are these apps on? Do u have a smartphone when ur home?
If yes, then can u block the App Store?

I have a kosher phone without a browser. That’s what I use in yeshiva. Additionally I have another device with a whitelist filter (that’s what I use to visit this site). The AppStore is blocked, so if I want to add apps I need to get the password put in by a relative, which I generally don’t do .

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Nov 2020 04:44:

I’m with you!

Here’s my strategy with “off days”. 
There’s no off days. Life is simple 

Can you elaborate?
I’m not sure if you’re joking...

OivedElokim wrote on 30 Nov 2020 18:20:

Sure I can elaborate. 

There’s a well know time zone called Bein Hazmanim which by many means above time - let things roll and happen as the day progresses.

Eat if / when you want, daven if / when you want, open a Sefer if / when you want, talk to a friend if / when you want. 

It’s a total figment of the imagination - whoever created that. 

There’s no such thing as empty time. 
It’s either Dead Time you CHOOSE to kill, or Live Time. There’s nothing in between. 
There’s no such things as off days, besides for the fact that this time you’re the one calling the shots (Bourbon??)

Sounds right.
I just have a really hard time creating structure for myself. In fact, I even have a hard time sticking to pre existent structure , like in yeshiva. If anybody has any tips for this issue, I would love to hear.

Hi, It's amazing how you're so in touch with yourself. You don't need to structure every second of your day during bein hazmanim, but it makes a big difference if the day starts in a structured way, i.e plan out the night before what time davening in the morning, maybe to even come 5 min early to say Tehilim (if that's not asking to much!), it also helps if the day has a general structure like a basic idea for morn/aft/eve. 
Also lust shines in isolation so don't isolate yourself in a area where your more likely to give in!
Hatzlocho, sure you will get there,
with admiration at your determination,
Excelllence. 

oh, and i'm sure you've read markz amazing link. it is a MUST
 www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

It's a very well written translation.

I'm already half way through.
Also extremely relatable.



Any other helpful and MUST have links like this?
Please send for the people's
Thank you

I suggest you make an honesty pact with a friend you trust that if you fall you will let him know. It is the best method. It worked for me.