Hi everyone, when I started my 90 days 36 days ago, I wrote I will try to share my story.. if my ADHD will not interfer..Now 36 Days later there are 2 stories to be shared one before finding GYE and one after.. the reason what made me come back now and start sharing my story is actually my wife's credit.. she has been telling me the last week, if your not struggling or its not a fight something is off and oh it was [NO I DID NOT FALL BUT WAS NOT ON THE WAY TO RECOVERY FULLY, WILL ELABORATE LATER,]For me to heal I feel that keeping me active with a live forum and posting here daily, for now, would be a great deal of prevention and recovery WITH HOPE TO BRING MY POSTS TOGETHER IN ADD CONTROLLED FASHION..

Welcome. If posting here helps you, then by all means pls do. We will be looking forward reading your posts. 

Keep up the great work! Looking forward to more posts.

Why do I call myself a Passive Lustoholic?
A typical scenario I get an email from LinkedIn that Mr. Green would like to connect /nothing to worry about/ I look into his profile then I see, People that may interest you, if they are the opposite gender They always interest me /nothing to worry about/ I look at their profile, Now I long forgot about the reason I came here.I end up trying to connect to people in the lust industry [now I'm using a different account]  I have a filter very strict one, it blocks most pictures I have people in my office but I can waste hours seeing profiles on linkdien.. its something in my head that would allow me to this but never buy a device without a very strict filter.I wasted hours feel terrible and my head is full of lust not satisfied.

A Yid In Golus

As long as it is a Yid in Golus it tolerable, Once the Golus is in the Yid, then it is Tragic. This weeks The Meor Einayim is discussing that Paroh wanted to put the Daas Of klal Yisroel in golus. "Tichbad Huavodah", let the yidden work so hard, that they cannot think straight. I feel that being here in GYE, is a form of Geulah. It is a Geulah, of having a straight thinking, Lust makes me Shikkur, it is a form of Alcohol. A yid in in Golus is tolerable, but the Golus in the Yid, is a tragedy.

I heard a Vort, I don't remember who it's from, that the reason it's called Yetzias Mitzrayim and not Yetzia MiMitzrayim is that the Mitzrayim went out of us.

R' Yid, I think this is why we are here, till now you bought a filter & your job was to fight with it, we're working here to get on the same side of our filters & fight the common enemy together...

Recovery can bring you to a Matzav, that you dont need to fight it anymore. you can be around things that used to trigger, and feel content and serenity. it is possible to get to this place. The Ishbitza this weeks Parsha writes on the Posuk ויראו המילדות את האלוקים ויעש להם בתים, he explains that usualy Fear bring upon a person anxiety and stress, but Yiras shomayim brings calm and serenity הרחבת הדעת ומנוחת הנפש. so says that Meyaldus feared from Hashem, so Hashem built them Houses, houses refferes to what chazal say, שלשה מרחיבין דעתו של אדם...דירה נאה

that would probably be based on the ishbitza's understanding of yiras shomayim 
that doesn't simply mean fear of heaven rather not being mispashet into oh"z
as a person will lose his identity (sounds like an addict) 
there fore there can be calm and serenity because yiras shomayim means a feeling of yesh li kol and not needing hispashtus

Thanks to all! for keeping my forum alive. as I wrote I feel posting helps me awake in my struggle. YOU GUYS FORCE ME TO WRITE because after all, it's my topic,

Ok, today I woke up early daven'd with Netz learned before and after davening, in office at 9, Sounds like did everything for a successful day. yes, it is but let me share one historical fact.
A YID if he is the office at 9, I would have fallen 9 out of 10, for some reason if everything is in control life is running smoothly started the day successfully at some point I will need the thrilling feeling and I will be filling my lust addiction, feeling like a piece of ..     but if I got to the office at 1 davened late, did things before and after Shachris, Chances I would go lust hunting are much smaller, [if something like this is discussed I would be happy to be linked there] 
After GYE I have greatly improved it that matter, Being more honest with myself.
Going to have a clean day OHAAT
today I will be busy on Linkedin [see my pre. post]
will keep you guys posted hopefully by the end of the day or Tom Morning

ayidingalus wrote on 03 Jan 2018 14:51:

I read your previous post but I understand that you consider it a bad thing so why will you do it today?

ayidingalus wrote on 03 Jan 2018 14:51:

I know 2 reasons why this is the case with me:
1) When I have (read: take) my space in the morning I am in a much more relaxing mode afterwards, so I won't fall so fast (the reason I can't collect myself to start my day is because I'm not relaxed, so if I allow my self to relax I feel much better)
2) simply because when you start your day late you're more busy, don't have much time to think about other things you gotta catch up for the 3 hours you weren't there (when you get to the office at 9, you make a coffee listen to the news etc), [this may also make you more satisfied feeling that you get much more done with your time]

I wanna add that sometimes you feel bad later that you are late & this may make you (me) fall back to the unrelaxed mode, so I don't know if it pays in the end of the game... (Maybe this is only because I have anxiety disorder)

Hi Tzomah

How about you elaborate and explain the Ishbitza's understanding of Yiras Shomayim.

tzaddik212 wrote on 03 Jan 2018 19:13:

In the Bais Medrash of course