If that is my Avoda in this life, I don't care to fight until the day i die. As long as i keep winning. I prefer to die than to loose.
37 days. Peace out.

Ftndrug wrote on 10 Nov 2017 05:32:

II didn't start winnin' until I realized I lost!

cordnoy wrote on 10 Nov 2017 13:42:

Please explain.

Ftndrug wrote on 10 Nov 2017 14:03:

Did you ever do a step one?

No, not yet

40 days.

So far I've got one itching problem (except lust related stuff). i am very angry all the time since im clean. Its not all bad because for that reason I've started to workout, and i have tons of energy all the time, which i used to do many good things in the past few weeks. But still sometimes i get snappy at people, especially the ones close to me, and afterwards i feel really awful and i dont think they deserve it. I always thought of myself as a nice and well mannered person, but i guess that was just the drug keeping me that way (or, i dare to hope, its just the recovery process taking its toll).

Either way, I'm going to have to work on that...
Maybe its time to start again with the 'Mesilat Yesharim'.

The WAR goes on :]

Your snappiness could be residual withdrawal now that BH you are off the drug. It will subside iyh with time. Exercise is a great healthy replacement. It reduces stress and irritability by releasing endorphins in the brain. And yes, some mussar would help all of us with our interpersonal relationships.

i can relate to the snappiness 

Yesterday i had to go to a bar (after a few months i didnt have the chance to) to meet an old friend of mine. Regardless of the questionable wisdom of it, i noticed something nice among all the garbage i have seen there. It bothered me :] things once i wouldn't hesitate to look at (i dont count myself as the biggest shomer eynayim), now made me uncomfortable. Yes, i started being shomer negia long time ago, but i never stoped myself from looking at inappropriate stuff. It was never even a nisayon for me. But now i catched myself holding back :]]]] did i have an urge to look at girls for awhile now, more then before? Yes i did. But it was just an annoying sensation for me, that had nothing to do with shmirat eynayim. Now i started to fight it, without even noticing :D
​i feel a great gratitude towards GYE. i think that without you it would've been impossible (i mean IMPOSSIBLE!) for me to reach this level.
THANK YOU!!!

I believe that bechira is progressing, as the ramchal and my rosh yeshiva taught me. I felt it today. I was checking something about my filter. The easiest way for that was to type my once favored porn site address. I forgot that i was connected to unsafe network, and suddenly the logo popped on my screen.

Few weeks ago it would have been a great nisayon for me. I would be tempted to look at the following pics, maybe even go for it, but now my first emergency reaction was to cover my screen and press the home button.

Now im not saying that i became a saint all of a sudden, just that my reaction have changed. And even though the wolf is cunning and vicious and will always be knocking at my door, some of his older forms i will recognize and instinctively decline, and so my bechira point has changed.

44 days and counting.

46 days. More than halfway. BH.

Midway checkpoint:

So what's working for me so far (out of the tools on GYE) is the 90 days program and the forum. Thats what keeps me pumping and drives me on.
What helps a great deal is the taphsic fence and the filter i set up. Its no big deal for me to bypass, but it still would take some time and just the thought of that helps me to cool off.
Of course now that i've made the Neder i dont need it so much, but its keeping some garbage away and so far almost nothing important got blocked, so i think i'll keep it.
Chizuk emails are really the cherry on top, refreshing and interesting. I always wait for the notification about received chizuk :]

Special thanks to HHM for puting a few things in place for me!

Only 44 days until checkpoint 1.
FIGHT is on :]

I've said i'd rather die than loose. I still do. And thats why i will win again. Just give it up already.

48 days.
STILL COUNTING.

Malchut shebamalchut. The Sefira that is the stamp for every thing. May G-d guide me through to day 50 and beyond.

49 days and counting.

Continued hatzlacha, brother! 49 days I wish on myself!

LoveU,Hashem thanks and same to you! Its possible!

i started reading the big book in the important threads some time ago, so far its fascinating.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/141444-BIG-BOOK-STUDY-THREAD-%28or-The-Twelve-Steps-Demystified%29

51 days and counting.