Or to rephrase. Talk to someone for real.

I quite agree, I have spoken to 3 real people, but not many details so I guess we can't really count that. 

If you follow my thread you will see that I resisted opening up and taking to people, and at one point I says that I would. But that was out of desperation seeing as other things where not working. But now, b"h being clean since 17 of tammuz without talking to someone, nevertheless I actually see how I am hiding and not telling the full truth, even in recovery (possibly just imagined recovery), and that is not a good thing.

To sum it up - please check back by the end of next week and hold my feet to the fire, make sure I talk to someone.

Thank you and good shabbos

Well I didn't keep my end of the deal, and this week will not be a good week but bezrat hashem the following.

Why not start with today.

Was on vacation. Didn't check in since Sunday. 

To the point, that's why. But thanks for checkin.

Hopefully will have something to say next week.

Hey everyone, long time no post (on my thread).

So I won't bore you with my last few months of ups and downs, maybe for another time...

Anyway I've got a game plan for today, and With Hashem help I will succeed today. I have no idea about tomorrow not do I care.

Anyway over and out.

Welcome back. Whats the game plan?

Today is easy!! 

Good luck hevel!!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 Oct 2017 19:57:

For now it's to be productive and get done what I need to do which fills up the whole day and leaves no time for lusting, while it may or may not be a good long term solution. Today it's a really good one.

All the best.

Hatzlacha Rabba!!! 

Rooting for you!!  

Thanks guys for all the encouragement.

Anyway as dov always says, your never really sharing everything on the forum... But nevertheless...

I did have a mini fall (looked at some inappropriate things for a few minutes, mostly not porn,) however it did propel me to some action, I had my wife lock some apps on my phone and her phone. I know filters is not everything, but to me the great thing was that I actually took some action.

Now if only markz can tow me back to the good nite calendar, I will really be in good shape.

Filters help, but are not the answer, as Dov says, the only filter that works is the one you don't test.

Anyway, some people may relate to what I'm saying.

FALL: Uch I'm all sticky and disgusting, it wasn't even that amazing and I feel like a hypocrite, I'm never gonna do this again

Day 1: Wow it was really bad, I'm never gonna do it again, i will do xyz to make sure

Day 2:  I can't believe I ever did such a thing, I feel so much holier and pure now, I'm finally thinking clear.

Day 3: Wow this is great, I really can do this, it's nothing to be clean

Day 4: What was that image on my news feed... Oh I better not look, that's disgusting

Day 5: I wonder what happens if you google Noah, and check the images, you think anything inappropriate comes up?... Oh my what a sick world we live in

Day... - I need my fix, but just to look, not to CH"V be MZ"L   

4 hours later under the covers and wife is sleeping
Repeat Cycle*



*Please not this fail-proof failure timeline may vary, as usual your results may be slightly different than expected and side effects may include... For better results please speak to your local Dov and/or good chaver and be completely honest.

Great post.

It's a befeirush Rashi that relying on filters alone is a bad idea.

LOL!!

Something that Dov always points out in his recordings, but being clean B'H with hashems help and fellow truckers have made me see how true it is.

I always thought I really wanted to stop. But now I recognize how much I still want the shmutz. Sometimes I find myself longing for the shmutz, it was alot more exciting than plain old life can offer.

But real living has been (somewhat) rewarding. The fact that I can look my wife and friends in the eyes without thinking, they don't really know me, is not exciting but it is sure as heck a wonderful feeling.

Now I'm only at about 38 days so I will not get ahead of myself. Onward march odaat

In Connection With The Porn Users Eleventh Commandment: "Meshaneh Mipney Hashalom"

I saw this this week:

"One is allowed to change the truth for the purpose of peace. However, this only applies when relating something about the past, but not when promising something that is to be done in the future. However the Baal Shem Tov cautions that one who often speaks falsehood should abstain from changing the truth for the purpose of peace, since this may strengthen his bad habit." (שו"ע אדה"ז סי' קנ"ו, כתר שם טוב אות מ)