Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Apr 2017 10:03:

One Date At A Time? I prefer prunes.

Lol 

I would have taken the prunes but as I've learnt from gye no more self medicating

Hi 

welcome back. Its been a while.

Thank you, easing back into regular life after Pesach. Boruch Hashem Pesach was busy so there was no time to think about anything ( although in the past even when I was busy, I would find the time for "important" things... Like p**n...)

So my thoughts/ observations from Pesach.

1. It feels a lot better to do the seder and celebrate Pesach knowing that my actions are in line with what I espouse to believe ( the most basic reason for staying clean - the double life is a killer)

2. Never get to confident, even when one is busy and things are going well - it is so easy to fall, if we just let our gaurd down for a moment.

3.Being clean for a while has enabled me to remember thoughts I had in the past - typically when I would fall, I would be telling myself, this temptation is so great, it's impossible to withstand, it must mean Hashem will surely understand if I fall, especially since I did spend the last half hour fighting it. In fact he may be expecting me to fall, why else would it be so difficult? Then of course once I would given in, all bets are off and I would be going crazy to get my "high", I would do anything within what I considered to be my red line. [ anyone crossing that red line is the lowest of the low!!!]

4. I still have a lot more to work to do and I still lust (particularly for my wife - ), but hopefully I'm on the right path. 


ODAAT, tonight is 15

I have not been here in a while unfortunately. As the temptations became less and less as time went on I have gotten lazy to do the work that needs to be done.

Yes in still clean and Boruch Hashem today is 89 days, however there is allot more that needs to be done. Hayom katzer vehamelacha meruba

I hope to keep you guys updated, and if I'm not postin', it probably means I'm not workin'

how are you celebrating the 90th day? keep us posted, we want to celebrate together with you

Hakolhevel wrote on 18 May 2017 15:01:

So humble and honest! Continued hatzlocha. After celebrating 90, maybe it would be wise make a new goal , of course odaat, but put your sights on a number that means someting to you.

When the 90th day falls out on Friday, the celebration​ is nidcha to Sunday mipnei kavid Shabbos. Will post on Sunday be"h.

Hey you gotta tell us what lifechanging steps you took;-)

Mazel tov!

I just looked at my diary, and I fell 6 times before getting to 90 since I joined GYE this time. I joined a while back also but I forget what bogus email I made up so I had to make another profile

Chasdei Hashem Ki Lo Tamnu. On one hand I can tell myself, I could have got to 90 on my on, heck I was clean for 3 years in the beginning of my marriage. However before getting married, every few days or months or weeks or whatever, for almost 5 years I was not under control.

If not for Hashem's loving kindness to show me the right path, lead me here and help me make the  changes that I made, I firmly believe I would be there right now, back in that cycle of falling - teshuvah and after a few weeks getting big-headed and falling again...

So what are the changes, well when i first got onto GYE I read the tool book, was mildly helpful but after a while it joined the rest of my tools that I had learned over the years. (that only work if you really want them too). Not to mention it kinda freaked me out when I read about the possibility of taking medicine 

At some point I graduated to reading the forums, and that was a big stepping stone, I saw alot of what I struggled with in what others wrote, and I started to understand myself A LITTLE bit and realize how crazy I am.

However I and not made any real changes in my life,  I was still wasting time on the internet and we all know where wasting time leads to... Oh yah did I mention looking at "innocent pictures"

Anyways down to what worked. First of all I took markz suggestion and joined the good nite calendar for a while till I was out of danger. deleted a few apps off my phone, but the real game changer was...B"H I have not fallen since I started posting, then the changes and my thought processes did not just stay in my head but I had to type it out, and most important of all If I would fall, I know that I would have to face all of you guys over here. [I know friends online is not the same as  in person (see the beginning of my thread) but that is what really pushed me over the top.

IN SHORT
I have made a lot of changes in my life, most importantly in how I view the struggle, and my willingness to fight, but all of these things only came together because I started posting

MY TOOLS
1. Reading the forums
2. Good nite calendar(I think that is how markz spells it)
3. Deleting wasteful apps off my phone
4. Filter on phone/computer (although I had those even when I was falling, I still know it helps)
5. Being busy
6. Listening to dov recordings
7. starting my own thread

Thank you Hashem for everything and thank you for making GYE.

So happy things are working out. What is the good nite calendar?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 21 May 2017 19:40:

Check it out HERE

So this morning scrolling on FB I saw a video someone posted, which I could tell right away would not involve any major revelations, however it was lustful, so of course I passed it... But then I scrolled back up and watched it.

I was trying to figure out why? Just the other night I saw a link to a much worse website and did not click on it?

I think because I knew it wasn't too bad of a video, I convinced myself I can afford to check it out, after all there is nothing revealing in it? However I know where that leads too...

So lesson for the future, Lust is not allowed, even Benign.