Day 5 -

Shavuah TOV everybody

hope everyone had an amazing shabbat and an awesome week ahead!

I started to countdown backwards...i will reach my 90 days May 1st (just around the time when i finish this semester)
I also noticed a trend, that Sunday is my day that I fall on (usually) probably because i am at home, alone and my mind wonders off...well this sunday, and hopefully most sundays from now on, i will be spending it with friends, not at home. I also will be playing shiurim all day and listening to matisyahu and spend sometime on gye and Study for school.

Thanks for all the chizuk guys, you have nooo idea how much I appreciate it

That's a great plan - and thank you for sharing with us, and inspiring and teaching us!

This is what it's all about people - seeing where your problems lie, and taking action to solve the problems, to avoid the dangers!

You completely, and totally, rock!

struggla21 wrote on 07 Feb 2010 03:07:


CHAZAK UBARUCH!!! STRUGGLA!
if i can, i would recommend  to you (if you don't have any filter  ??? ???) not to spend sometime on GYE but stay with your friends far from your PC as much as you can.
stay alone with a PC with open internet is a very big dangerous,  prevent yourself from this nisayon!!

BEHAZLACHA GEVER!!

Recognizing the triggers and leadups are so very important in this struggle. Keep it up. And btw, where are you?? We miss you!! :-* :-* :-*

You're tearing it up dude. Keep up the great work!

I havent posted on my own thread in a long time, since my last fall. I have been clean since then Baruch HASHEM!!!

A few days ago, i was walking to my new job which is just a few blocks away from my house. I didnt have my car, so with beautiful spring weather that Hashem made that day and with the flowers and trees blooming, I defientaly enjoyed the walk to work. I was excited cause this was my first day on the job (little did I know it was going to be busy and I ended up working a 9 hour shift, but it was great experiences and lots of funny first day stories). Back to the point though, in order to get to my work, i had to cross a big intersection. As the light turned green, i made my way to other side. At that same moment a big just of wind came and knocked my black velvet kippah of my head into the middle of the intersection. I couldnt go and grab it right way because the cars just began to go. As i got to the other side of the street, I started to wonder why am I experiencing this. Why did Hashem want me to witness me watching my kippah in the middle of the busy intersection being runned over my all these cars, all these people. As I watched, I noticed the people that were wating for the light to turn green were watching me. I kept having these questions come up in my head "Why me? Why am I experiencing this? What is this all supposed to mean? HASHEM, What are you telling me?"

As I was watching all this occur, I realized that maybe its a way to show me that in this world that I live in, filled with many averim, many goys always trying to get me to come out with them, filled with all these things that we can not control, we always come back to Hashem. I wanted to go back and grab my kippah. The kippah that symbolized to me that I have come this far, where I get the honor to were a black velvet kippah (i used to wear suede before). The whole reason I switched my keep was because after finding this site, after realizing that I need to step up my game and stop with this nonsense and get my life on track, that I want to be serious about my halacha. I want to stop doing averim and start doing more mitzvahs! I want to be closer to Hashem, that I want to learn Torah more and be more committed as I can be to Torah. I need to stop falling and start LIVING!!
I did have a thought of maybe leaving the kippah there in the middle of the intersection, but I told myself that’s my life right there. This is what I live for to be close to Hashem and I need it in my life. If I don’t go after it, who will? If not me, then who? I knew I had to go get it. I knew I had to stand up to myself and to prove myself that I am worthy to witness this because I know I will do whats right, even if I do not know or full understand completely why this is happening to me. To be honest with you, I still am wondering why it happened and what it all meant. But deep down I know that we, as the Jewish Nation, have accepted upon the mitzvahs of Hashem EVEN before we knew what they wore. We took the Torah not knowing what was inside and when we received it, we LOVED and still LOVE it!
I did go back and get my kippah, and yes everyone was watching me and probably thinking I was crazy to go out there for a piece of cloth, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care cause I know Hashem is always looking out after me and all of Kal Israel.

Shabbat Shalom Chaverim
and thanks NOYA!

Wow. A post like that deserves an equally eloquent response, but I just don't know what to say. I'm going to think that over during my day, and reflect on that thought.

It's beautiful!

Struggla! That was a really nice story. You are so high up on the numbers game man, really great! I also made the velvet switch when I felt it was time to get more serious. Anyway, I feel the yearning you have for Hashem and his holy Torah pouring through your words and know you'll be successful.

Hatzlacha!

Hey Struggla,

Fill us in on your life, man!

I feel so honored to have reached the 90th day. I owe it all to Hashem! I davened to him everyday. The first day was tough, and the second day was even more tougher, but Hashem pulled me it through it. After about the first month or so, it got easier. I completely immersed my self in my school work and I started going to minyan everyday! Yes, EVERYDAY!! I never thought I could do it, but I did and still do. I came early when ever I could and learned if I could. I never went to a really yeshivah before, but I did the best I could. I asked many, many Rabbim to learn with me. And I thank every one of those Rabbim that did. Everybody here at GUE has made it possible for me to get through it, and keep continue the struggle. I especially admire the Reb Guard who had the shus to start this website, this program, and give all the encouragement to live in the proper mindset that Hashem and our Sages knew we could achieve. The best medicine I found is to read the "Daily Chizuk" emails. Sign up for all three of them!! I also signed up for daily Halacha and other articles through various organizations. The more Jewish things in my inbox, in my LIFE, the BETTER   I tried to only use the internet when I needed to (for school, work, etc). Otherwise, I tried to stay away from it. I stopped watching movies and listening to non-Jewish music. I still dont listen to non-Jewish music (Matisyahu is my life!). But I did start to watch movies again. I try to usually have someone with me when I do and I skip all the bad scenes.

The best advice I can give, is its all depends on you. No matter how many times you hear this, no matter where you hear this, it truly comes down to you. In the beginning I had quite the struggle (thats why Im named struggla!). I would always shift blame to something else or to someone else or things that occured in my life. But it was all truly from me. If I wanted to stop I always had the courage to do it. "Always do the right thing" I heard it once in a movie, and it stuck with me. No matter how bad, no matter how tempting, always, always always always always do the right thing! Hashem gave us this test for a reason. Every moment of our struggle, of our lives, everything is occurring for a reason! You have the power to find out why Hashem gave you this test, this hill to over come and also where you can apply it. Hashem would never let a person fail, especially not on of his children fail! You must, must find that special something about you that Hashem wants you to see. That will power that he instilled into you to combat with and win. Everyone has the power to do the right thing, Hashem knows it and You know it.

Congrats man!!
Keep on climbing!!

Mazal tov! May you continue to grow, in every way!

i fell last night...its a weird feeling.

well i fell last night, and i am going to post every day!
last night was weird for me, likke i knew i was doing something wrong, but yet i still did.
i remember this thought came through my head: "it will only take a second" and i fell for it.
i know that i could have controlled myself, i know i could, but i let my guard down.
well, he's off to another start!
ima battle through it!

day1: good so far!

Struggla

Day One is the hardest


Keep on truckin

Say "fell shmell"

B