Hey, you’re story and situation sounds very similar to mine. Feel like I can relate exactly 

I feel that the biggest factor in staying clean is prevention, I now have accountability software on my PC ,and switched my Mobile to one that has much better filtering options, I know it’s an old debate here ,but for me without a doubt, ease of access is my worst enemy.
I see it  like Toivel vsheretz b’yado, I can try to stay clean all I want ,but if with one click  I could fall and with so many different types of triggers out there , it won’t work.

i-man wrote on 11 Jun 2020 17:17:

For the vast majority of guys who frequent GYE, removing ease of access is a major game changer. It takes courage to filter and avoid. One also must quiet that whispering - but most mistaken - voice that keeps saying "Be a man - have access and stay clean - that shows yiras shomayim". Nothing could be farther from the truth.

@i-man Happy to hear filters help you. I feel like I should share my experience: filters have always made things harder for me and every long clean streak was when I did not have filters. I see a tendency in the pro filter community to try and make it seem like people who don't have filters are irresponsible and bound to mess up. This is simply not true. As always, everyone should do what works for them, and if there are halachic aspects that you care about, ask your rov or LOR. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 14 Jun 2020 06:35:

Obviously not everyone operates the same way ,  and if someone honestly does better without than that’s great, I personally would do great most of the time ,  but when stress, anxiety, exhaustion , depression , boredom, etc show up I need more than a few clicks between me and the drug, the more I make it not an option the less it's going to occur.

Btw many filters didn't work for me, I've spent massive amounts of time getting around them, that's why accountability software is so good for me, I'm not even starting to look for an entrance to the slippery slope 

i-man wrote on 14 Jun 2020 14:32:

Me personally if Im given even filtered internet(for sure unfiltered), with no accountability whatsoever then Im almost positive Ill find a way around it(if theres no way the person who set it up will know Im getting around it). Accountability has been huge for me(webchaver).
I guess to each their own. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself and make sure its not the yetzer hara 

Lots of stress weighing down on me + other triggers present ,so of course my mind tells me that sexual pleasure would be a welcome distraction, but I started saying to myself, who gave me the ability to masterbate? Hashem did , does he want me to , Heck no , that helped somewhat , and in general when my relationship with Hashem is on a more personal level it seems to be easier ( which is why it was so easy for me to be clean during the COVID crisis- Hashem’s presence was so visible ..) 
  
Peace

i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 05:45:

I have found that simply sharing stress helps relieve the urge. Allowing myself to be human and telling someone, be it my wife, a friend, or workmate that I am having a rough day because of finances, work issue, or whatever it is... eases things up. Of course a good walk around the block helps too. But I wish I could have that clear emuna you seem to have....

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Sep 2020 11:19:

nice to see you displaying your sense of humor..

i-man wrote on 16 Sep 2020 14:41:

Ha! I actually laughed out loud at this  On a more serious side, HHM gave some great advice. 

Feeling stronger urges for the first time since before Rosh hashana, I guess it’s because the high of the Yomim Tovim is gone , plus triggers that were present and stress on the way in...

For me the end of Y"T and the beginning of the winter symbolizes real life.

real life is stressful.

Stress equals self soothing behavior.

You all know math.

I hear what you are saying, I disagree though, we can’t discount a month of the year as not real life - it’s a different aspect of real life , think of it like seasons.
Not to mention that it’s a time of plenty of stress and triggers  maybe even more than usual , particularly this year with the Covid situation there are all kinds of extra stress and disappointments .

Last night I was setting up a new phone for a family member even being alone wit it for a little , and despite being in a really positive place for a nice stretch , In no time my heart and mind started “Hondl’ing”  and cheshboning , I blocked the internet and vaytur.

It was again a reminder of how critical avoiding accessibility is to me , and I know I have to fix myself and not let lust control me etc , and I do work on myself in different ways, but I see that step 1 must be to remove access.

And I don’t think that makes me weak , the opposite in fact .