Welcome back guys, I have not been really active lately for some reason, but as I am approaching 6 months of sobriety, I wanted to share with you some insights that helped/helps me along this road of recovery, I will not post every day, but only when I feel I am strong enough & mind is clear I will do so,
For all of you who keep up with me since I joined this family, u know where I am coming from & for the newbie’s, just check out my earlier posts on the forum,
Before you start to fight this terrible addiction that affects millions of human beings around the globe, Jews & non-Jewish alike, u need to know few things very clear.
You are not at fault for lusting this is how we were created & for a good reason, if there would be no lust, there would be no kids born into this world & hashem needs to get all neshumas down before he can end this gulas, if humans weren’t be lusting, we wouldn’t be created, maluchim iz du genig in himel. If hashem gave us this challenge we can & need to face it & keep it in control, as per mamar chaza”l in avodah zura daf gimel,
So now after you know that you are not a bum for lusting & wanting things your way, than u move on to step 2 , the one thing that you are at fault & will be charged with, is the ignorance to the fact you are a lust addict & not being ready to deal with it, the reason for dealing with it, are just too many to list here, & it varies from person to person, there is kabalistic ones, there are halhcha ones & yet there is also ethical ones, so I am sure u can find yourself between the lines, sure there is also business reasons too, I for example used to spend hours & days & weeks & months wasting my time with finding the lust, did I find it? Hell no, so what did I do, I didn’t give up & tried again, & again, till I decided that if hashem wants me to find lust he will send it my way! I have done the hishtadles for it more than enough, you see how screwed up I got, I used a tool that musar sfurim speak for avodas hashem & used it for my own animalistic desires, but they already say, an avira lishmo is more worth than a mitxvha shlo lishmo, so after spending so much time with that lust search, I’ve ignored my business & lost lots of money, cuz my brain didn’t function properly, why am I sharing you this with you, because b”h I can say that I am past that stage & I won’t go back there iy”h & if this thread can help even 1 Jewish soul it was worth my time.
So lets just sum it up, you admit you have a problem, you realize its not your own fault & don’t beat yourself up for that & get depressed over it, than you are ready to but up a strong fight for life. Yes for good as they call it. Yes it’s hard, even very hard, but it gets easier over time & odom laomol yilod & lfim tzara agra.
It comes a day when we all realize that we are in deep $hit & as sooner in life we deal with it, the better is tha chance to have an easier life bgasmihes & ibrucnies, don’t get me wrong here, I am not referring here to schar v’onesh, hashem is not a bully, he is a bal hurachmen, like I once went to catholic therapist & we spoke about erasing guilt, so he says, that in their culture , the draw line for sinful thoughts is, that if you are halfway erect, u sinned, so he asked his client , do you really imagine hahsem walking around with a ruler in his pocket I am just referring to the fact that as u free from lust, u free from many other bad habits & you just get to see life with clear eyes, it goes hand by hand, similar to what I saw recently brought down by da parsha from “מעקה" ‘’ that when a person falls of your roof he is not “punished” with death, or in best case injury, it’s just the natural “outcome”
Believe me guys, same applies here, if you fell & try to pick yourself up, u r a hero, if u fall again, no worries, just keep on trucking as Bards always says, but if u fell & u leave yourself on the ground u r GUILTY! Just like the mishan says in buba kama 3rd priak, if someone slipped & broke something , or spilled, I can go on with endless exemplas from chazal , but you guys will still think I really am a talmid chochem & than you will be looking at me, hey this jerk is really a white collar guy & still lusts ooch! lets get to work or we will be alta kakers with lustful thoughts, yes they never go away, I’ve seen 55+ guys in chat rooms, trying to fish a chick, & I am talking here on anushim mchibudim
I will have to continue some other time hopefully wihin a week or so, as I am already wasting more time than I should
Comments & questions & even critic are all encouraged here or in private, however u feel it
Have a meaningful day
