Gevaldig to hear you are doing well.

Pas b'salo is a powerful tool if used in the right way.
What I mean by that is if someone's lusting after a woman and instead of masturbating (or having sex with that woman) they unload in their wife instead, that's just vaiter lust. 
For people who aren't that sick though, using physical urges to grow the connection and relationship with your wife (the fourth kavana of the Raavad) is great. Having a deep relationship with your wife to the extent you don't want a relationship of any sort with any other woman (real, on screen, or imaginary) is even better.  
You sound like you're doing well b"h. Just something to be aware of in the general parsha of bas b'salo

As for specific tips for the weekend. If you normally drink at all on Shabbos, don't. 

@BenHashem, I saw a post on here once phrasing the idea you posted as "A feeling of lust is Hashem tapping me on the shoulder saying 'Hey don't forget about me.'" Not an exact quote. I think that's very similar to what you posted. Interestingly enough, IIRC that was coming from an SA source, not a mussar sefer. The ikkar question is how to react to that communication, and that's where SA and mussar would differ I think.

upanddown wrote on 18 Jun 2024 21:26:

Quick update about this one...
It was tough. There were big triggers.
But thanks to all of your support and advice, and thanks to the One Above, I have overcome this Nisayon and remained super clean BH!!
This woman left a few days ago, so this Nisayon is gone... but the YH has meanwhile dressed up in new ways and is not giving me time to breath... I will keep fighting.. but things are not easy...

Hi,

very very well written. But i have a question about this. This is (almost) very well understood when it’s at a jewish women/girl. But when seeing approaching/talking to a (sorry for saying, but sometimes it’s just true) non jewish attractive good looking women/girl, skinny , shiny, summery dressed (modest written, or to bring it out Stronger, not the trigger anyone just for venting and bringing it out) uncovered belly button with a piercing on it, sleek smooth uncovered skin, long blond hair, shortest pants which is almost like a bikini, why should she 1. scream and run away. And I'll stand there like a Goilem...
2. She will say I'm a freak.
3. When possibly having night out with me, she's probably scared of her husband/friends. 
4. Once I get closer to her I might see that she's not even so pretty, well i can see it right away, she’s summery dressed….
5. And so on…
isn't this the reasons she’s (un)dressed like that?!? To attract people to her? And maybe get into physical touch?

sory if im being too loud and clear, it’s just on my head and always had this question and I’m feeling very horry right now. Any comments welcome!

thanks for listening!

Please please please try right now taking ten minutes to read some of The Battle of the Generation.
Links all over this forum...

trying the best wrote on 15 Aug 2024 15:26:

the answer is NO! and NO!
 shes not a attention seekin' OTD bitocha trying to pull..............shes just a no shayches clueless shiktsa...................not thinkin' sex............sorry to bust your bubble.

regards,
cande

Thanks for your response, but it still didn't click into me. I still have this major question and dont understand it. anyone? 

trying the best wrote on 22 Aug 2024 22:29:

Most women are dressing up (or down) to feel good about themselves. They want attention. They may want to cause guys to look, but they don't care for most of the guys looking. They want to feel powerful and able to control you, but they don't care about how you react after that.

Basically, it's not about you, it's about them. It's all about attracting, not about connecting.

Hatzlacha

trying the best wrote on 15 Aug 2024 15:26:

Great question.

The simple answer is: stop thinking about all of this. Get the right prospective. Understand, that this hot, super attractive, beautiful girl is just a Nisayon sent to you from Hashem, for you to overcome and to grow. I think this is what frank.lee meant by suggesting to read "The Battle of the Generation". (Am I right?)

However, since this question has been going around your mind (and mine as well) it must be answered properly.
What I wrote about the YH just being דמיון - is not my own Chiddush. It's the ספורנו in פרשת בראשית. He writes that the main tool the YH uses is כח המדמה. Imagination. Illusion. (I don't have the exact Lashon with me atm. See באריכות in a מאמר from Rav Uri Weisblum, at the end of the (red) אור ישראל which he bought out.) 

So you think to yourself: This makes sense for 98% of cases, where you're just walking past a beautiful woman. Or that hot girl at the counter in the duty free store at the airport. She's not thinking sex, she's just a shiksa, as cande wrote. And even if she's dressed half naked with an uncovered belly, she just does it for herself because she loves attention, she loves it if all eyes are on her, as BenHashem wrote. (And if you actually do gaze at her she will give you a slap in your face! That's how woman are.) So it's simply illusion. And more than that: In reality this stunning woman is not beautiful at all. There is a 2 minute video somewhere in the GYE archives showing behind the scenes of a stunning woman on an advert, how they take an ugly looking woman and make her look stunning. (If anyone knows where that video is please can you post the link.) Just imagine this seemingly beautiful girl in the morning grumpy in bed, sweaty, without any make-up left, smelling from her mounth, messy hair etc - you'll run 1000 miles from her. It's all דמיון. As the תורה shows you in the Parsha of אשת יפת תואר.
But what about the 2% of cases when it's not illusion? When it's clear that she does want physical touch or to build a relationship? And let's say she is naturally beautiful and has this very cute personality?
The answer is: There are 2 types of דמיון: Illusion & Dellusion.
Illusion is when your senses are being tricked. E.g. an optical illusion tricks your eyes. That's what the YH does in most cases. You think she's beautiful, but she's not. It looks like she's interested in you, but she's not. כנ”ל. Its relatively easy to overcome and not to fall for this one.
Dellusion is much more dangerous. It's a false belief. A belief which contradicts the reality. Your דעת is being tricked. This is also כח הדמיון. The YH makes you think that this one off affair will satisfy your needs, but it will not! You'll do it once and want it again. You think you'll be a happy man, but no, you'll become that broken, double faced spooky man who eventually can't get enough of gazing at girls and everyone keeps a safe distance! (Like "Shem", in that phenomenal story written by choosemyhashem on one of the threads...) You'll feel ashamed of yourself! You'll feel empty and weak. So yes, she might really be beautiful, and yes, she might want your physical touch, but YOU - your Nefesh - doesn't want it. וגם הנפש לא תמלא. It's just simply דמיונות.

Lmk if this answers your question.
Sorry for the Arichus...

Keep strong,
UpAndDown

Yes @upanddown, exactly!