So... I'm new here and yesterday was my first attempt to share something about myself. I didn't know how and here is why:

Problem #1 - I never talked openly about this to anybody.
Problem #2 - Truth is I was afraid both because I didn't really know what to say or how to express myself, nor even how everyone here would respond to it. Specially because of...
(ta-da!) Problem #3 - I'm not a jew. Well, at least not yet. For now let's say I'm a lost kid working his way back home (full story might be told some time later).

Anyway, I asked the people at GYE if that was a problem and they said "Aw, by no means!" and I said "Awesome!" and was really happy. Back to the story...

In one of my first posts (in response to someone's response to a previous thing I wrote) I said this:

"I'm like a newborn baby in all this. My family is secular, so are all my friends. I live in a place that is far from the jewish community and even the few yidden that I know here are in no better place than me. Basically, I have lived like a goy, among goyim and with goyim my entire life and yet I always acted different (except for the lust issue) {you see, I'm a horrible person}. To them I'm weird, my brother says I'm crazy and my parents say there's something off with me. Right now I can do nothing to change this situation except to wait. I receive a scholarship response from an US university tomorrow and getting it is the only visible chance for me to leave this place now and start a new life where I belong. Otherwise I wouldn't really know how to do this."

So, if were to tell you guys what really is my situation with no sparing details that would take ten years. Since we don't have that much time let's move on.

I lost count of how many times I cried to Hashem to help me, to save, to change me, to help me change, to teach me, to rescue me, and the list goes on. But the most important prayer I ever made was "Hashem, please, I'm nothing, You're everything. You control all things and I am just a lost kid who knows nothing, but I believe You. I know You are the Ribbono Shel Olam, do with me as it pleases You but PLEASE, Hashem, take me out of this place, I want to serve you, and love you and fear you be'emet and I won't be able to do it here."
OK, for those who don't know the whole story it might seem a little too much but it truly isn't. I'll be more than happy to share this "epic tale" later. Going on...

The thing is: I needed a miracle. I have no money. College in a different country, specially US, is crazy expensive and that was really my one visible way out. There's also the fact that I wasn't so sure I was worth a scholarship the type I needed. Anyway, for my surprise, HASHEM LISTENED TO ME and HE ANSWERED ME!
I was accepted in this incredibly great university and I got a FULL SCHOLARSHIP , Baruch Hashem!

What does that mean for me?
I'll no longer have to hide myself when I want to daven to Hashem, or read holy seforim or listen to a shiur. I'll no longer have to hide my kippah so no one finds out I even have it and says I'm crazy or becomes sad because I'm no longer the person I used to be. I won't have to see my mom sad because her god is no longer Mine. No, not anymore.
I'll get married. I'll connect to the jewish people, to Hashem Yitbarach and His Torah Kedoshah. I'll be able to make more progress than I ever thought I could. I'll be engaged in something that I love and will bring both nachat reach to my parents and happiness to people. I'll be happier about my self. I'll see a dream come true. I'll find Hashem and shout out loud to every corner that He has found me!
Baruch Hashem!