hey guys, i've been following and reading the forum for quite some time now and i decided, what the heck right? time to join.

alrighty...so first things first i have reached about 50 days on my own, and then since discovering this forum the longest i've held out to was a couple of month *pats self on the back* yeah but then i fell and was stuck in the rut for a bit.

thank G-d for yemie teshuva, right? that snapped me out of it. i've been 100% squeaky clean (no porn, no M, no watching innapropriate movies w/ express wish to see...well, y'know...) for about a week now...

alright, so my life story. i guess in a nutshell-type-summation i'd say:
-physically and verbally abusive father resulted in me being a bit of a nebbech'll socially inept outcast. being a bit too smart for myself didn't help either. my mother is pretty good but i guess because of my father she tends to let the house and us kids run amuck, and she'd hit us a lot growing up and scream at us - but i don't see her as being abusive she's my mom, you know?
yeah so then i entered highschool, i don't know how it happened, but suddenly i was cool, hanging out with the wrong crowd...you follow me.
but i was pretty messed up. always worried one day everyone would realize what a pathetic nebbech i really was.
one day i discovered a wonderful little thing i could do that felt really good. and i didn't really look back. i mean i knew it was wrong but i always told myself i was going to stop so somehow that made it fine.
i don't know apparantly theres a correllation between my abuse and the fact im now pretty much addicted to pornography and masturbation.
whatever, either way i'm getting out. it's messing up my life, affecting my learning ( i only discovered how much better learning is without the shmutz after i was clean for a couple weeks last time around), and im entering the realm of shidduchim soon according to my mother-aunt-grandmother etc. etc. etc.  :o

ok, what else...i'm in an honors course for accounting at a pretty good university right now, i guess my backround you'd call me modern yeshivish , i like cholent, and i read and surf the net a lot more than i should

thats it ok i'm going to start a whole journal. this is weird. very official.
later people.

Dear Desperate,

Welcome to the forum!  There is so much hope for those who work on this problem and take their recovery very seriously, one day at a time.

Wishing you much Hatzlacha!

Kedusha wrote on 20 Sep 2010 03:27:


so here's the thing about that. while i get that recovery should be a pretty big deal in my head, i don't know how much time and energy i can focus towards it right now. i'm in my second last year of school, i've got a job, my seder- life is busy.
on top of that i have other things im working at on the moment in terms of Tefila and Bitachon.

so what am i supposed to do, drop all my focuses for a year to recover?

You like cholint??

You must be kidding

Cholint!!??

Wow!

We have a whole thrwad dedicated to cholint


Keep on trucking man

Just move along

Bardichev

desperate_teddybear wrote on 20 Sep 2010 03:41:


No, keep doing the other things you need to do.  Recovery allows us to live normal lives, so by all means keep on living!  However, recovery needs to be our #1 priority.

thanks kedusha



i love this place

Bardichev, don't tell me that's a pareve ice cream cone your holding.

:o

Unless you meant pareve cholent?!

Oy, which is worse?

haha, oilom, wrong on both counts. it's max-and-minas cholent ice-cream.

Aha.

Served hot or cold??

:o

Parve ice cream is not ice Cream

Parve cholint is debatable

on the subject, vegetarian hot dogs...
euuhhh *shudders* don't get me started.
either somebody somewhere had a really big sense of humor or none at all.

Alot of the men on this forum have been struggling with the addiction for over 20 years.  It sounds to me that you are looking to deal with this problem alot sooner.  Baruch Hashem you have this resource that so many of us did not have at your age.

As you said, your learning is so much better when you are not "using".  You will see as you get into it that many of the tools for overcoming this problem are related to turning your burden over to Hashem, which works on your emunah and bitachon, which is something you are working on anyway.

Getting sober, will help you in all aspects of your life.  Parnassah, shiduchim, learning ......

thank you shmu amen

Hi d, how are you doing?

NOYA wrote on 27 Dec 2010 22:19:


YO NOYA!!!! thanks for popping in bro! coffee? tea? hot chocolate?

doing as well as could be, still on my zamboni.

i went to a friend's Chasunah last night. mixed seating. :/ why, G-d, whyyyyyyyyyy?
but...I WILL SURVIVE *cue theme music*
actually i'm very proud of myself. i usually spend the evening charming the socks off the opposite gender and being generally my quirky funny self and enjoying the flattering attention and giggles it brings me...BUT i behaved myself. this is a first for me. g-d bless america.