Jooboy wrote on 07 Jul 2010 21:49:

I have no intention of stopping working the program.  The difficulty is with meetings or phone-calls since there is a time factor involved.  If I don't have my wife's cooperation it's not easy to get a free hour to sit on a phone meeting.  And that's where my dilemma comes from.

I am working on a case and one of the aspects involves an Indian woman whose emails I have to review.  In the past, I would have at this point been all over the internet trying to find information and pictures of her (and if I wasn't succesful at that I would have searched until I found something "good").  What a difference some five weeks can make.  B"H I now have a filter which not only hampers my search capabilities but it also reminds me that I shouldn't be doing something like that.  And while I still have that little voice inside which pops these types of ideas into my head, the very fact that I have the ability to post this and that I have a whole support network to turn to, is enough to keep me in check.  What a wonderful feeling.  Hashem thank you for bringing me to this point.  And thanks to all of you guys for helping me along.  Let us all remain sober today.

It is stories such as these that give us all encouragement to continue the fight!

ur-a-jew wrote on 27 Jul 2010 18:30:

wow, I thought I was the only one that would do that.

We all do

Many of us are quick to label "addict"

We really are just curious

I don't want to create a debate here

We really are curious. Yes it leads to addictive behavior.

If we work on our curiosity we can bite the head of the snake

Its not a cure but its a start

B 

Cause I'm a(n addicted) Jew, I do that too  (Country Yossi, circa 1983)


Yep, I would have done that in 2 seconds and I would have done that because I'm an addict.

Thanks guys. 
This is all very helpful because I'm still plowing through these documents and that voice won't leave so quickly. 
Notwithstanding Bard's desire not to debate and as much as I would like to shed the label "addict," I would tend to agree with Jooboy we do these things because we are addicts.  I think the proof is the intensity with which we pursue this type of curiosity as distinct from other curiosities we  may have.

After all this discussion there is no way that you can let us down & listen to that evil little voice.

(I was gonna dare you to even try listening to him, but thought better of it. We cannot afford to try and fight him head-to-head. We should never underestimate his power. Just move on & busy yourself with the work. Don't even give him the dignity of acknowledging his presence!)

The sad thing about the curiosity bit, is that even though we saw everything there is possible to see in the past, we still feel the need to see more and more, again and again. This = Addiction!

UAJ, I've just finished reading your thread.  I am so touched by what you've done, and the amazing hasgach pratis that got you to the site.

When I'm in a situation and getting different opinions, the confusion is a good thing for me.  Because in that confusion and doubt and being upset, I kind of mentally just put my hands over my ears, because I can't handle all the confusion.  So I've got to get away from it for a while.  Because while all of it speaks in some way or other to my situation, it doesn't quite fit.  I need tailor made for the big decisions.  Eventually I remember that there's only One resource that never fails me, One opinion that speaks to the truest part of myself, and that I hear, and know is right.  Yashar.  This comes from taking a walk, or listening to chazanut or reading chassidus, or staying a while after shul just to sit a bit, and have a little talk, and I just ask, "Tatti, I just don't know what to do.  Please help me, guide me, please give me some direction."  And then I try to listen to my heart.

Whatever you decide, I so respect and look up to the depth of your sincerity, your listening deeply to your longing that things be right with your wife, and that you both know profound shalom bayis.  You just put the bag down and did a one-eighty and went to work.  Your story and your person touch me very deeply.  I wish you the ears to hear, and the coiach to do what only you and Hashem know is what's best for everyone, and what's l'shem shamayim. 

1daat thanks for the kind words and the brocha. Amein V'chain Lmar.

Hey UAJ

I don't have anything to add here except that I read your story and found it inspiring  . . . and am proud to be a member of a society with you in it!

To quote the Rebbe . . . Keep on trucking!

Shmendrick