I BROKE A RECORD IN YEARS AFTER A WEEK ON GYE!!

I joined 3 weeks ago, and I went thru the forums this week for the first time and something in my mind switched.

Till now, when an urge would come I would just give in and fall, I would think to myself, "its normal, its healthy, its natural" probably due to the western culture, justifying all evil.
After going thru the forums, and seeing that, no, urges are meant to come, and I am meant to overcome them, not give in and fall to them. I decided to give it a try, and when I got the urges I would battle them and not give in, time and time again, until I saw a 9 DAY STREAK W/O P OR M! 
This is tremendous for me, it has been yrs since I got such a long streak!

Sadly, this morning I fell with M, and whats rlly sad is that I didn't even have an urge, I just fell on purpose... cause why not:(
and later on in the afternoon I fell again and "peeked" at P...

​Thing is, I was rlly hopeful that I would reach a 30-40 day streak, I was on a high.
In addition, I dont rlly feel all that guilty which bothers me too! 
Another problem is that once I fall I just tell myself: " You're already down, just enjoy till the end, and then get back up" as opposed to getting right back up. after one fall.

Hope for some insight and help, thanks heilige yidden!

I'm sure some big guns will chime in but believe me this is completely normal. Vayter!

Now is the time to pick yourself and due some internal work. There's a recent thread from Captain with advice for new joiners.

Welcome tzaddik!
Mazel Tov on your 9 day streak! I can definitely relate to such a "small" number being huge.
And the "Why not"? completely normal, for sure in the beginning of trying to figure out what's going on with this habit/pacifier- cuz that's mostly what it is. I found that working on motivation/reasons for change, connection here in the Forum, and having a Mentor really helped.

That "Pink cloud" stage? "I'm never gonna fall again, 30/40/90 days plus, I got this, I realize now that I don't want this and I have all this support, it's gonna be easy" and then Boom, it's back, "what happened? why did I do that? Oh well, guess I was wrong about this being possible, I'll just do it again..."
Also normal! This is how the most rewarding journey of your life starts.
Having an accountability partner or Mentor really helps me with this part. Calling him and saying "I just fell... I feel like a failure, I was doing so good..." He gets me back up to keep going and not do it again. Even knowing I'm gonna have to call him after I fall can push off the fall entirely.
Or at least not make me do it twice cuz it's a lot easier to explain why I fell once rather than twice in a row...   
Why would you want "guilty" feelings. Guilty" feelings are not good. That's part of what causes the "Oh, I'll just do it again".
Healthy feelings of "That was a wrong thing to do, and bad for me, but I will get up and keep going" is good.

Point is: Your perfectly normal and you're doing amazing!
Actually, you're way better than normal, cuz you're fighting against what the whole outside world is trying to tell you to keep doing and go along with!
Keep posting about your ups and downs, we're here with you every step of the way!

CHAZAK V'EMATZ!!

puremind wrote on 01 Aug 2025 13:02:

Amazing breakthrough with that 9-day streak!

That mental shift you described - recognizing urges are meant to be overcome, not surrendered to - is exactly what recovery looks like. You've proven to yourself you CAN do this. The "why not" and "already down, might as well" thinking? We've all been there - it's the yetzer hara's favorite trick. But you're being honest, reaching out, and not giving up. That's what matters.

This fall doesn't erase your progress. You WILL get that 30-40 day streak, be'ezras Hashem. Dust yourself off and keep growing - the chevra here believes in you!

Hatzlacha raba!

Personally, I think there's reason for you to celebrate! Yes, there's still a lot of work to be done, but there's no question, that you've now officially entered the battle. Until now, you were passive. Now, you've made a decision to put on your boxing gloves, and getting in to the rink. There will be wins, and there may be losses, but as long as you keep the fight going and get back up when you're down, there will undoubtedly be successes that you'll have. Learn to savor the taste of success. Experience the feeling there is when you overcome an urge. Feel the power it brings in to you. You're a champion in the making! 

Another point. Guilt is not something you should be feeling. It's living in the past. Right now your job is to put it behind you and move on. There will be time in the future for some healthy regret, but that's for a later time. 

A word of caution. As Reb CO always tells guys that just fell. For the next few days, you might feel the toxic effect of the poison of what you've seen, coursing through your body, and pushing you to indulge some more. It's normal, and it may take a few days to wear off, but if you stay the course, and pick yourself up, the brain has a way of slowly but surely shifting to a "clean mindset", and it usually gets easier. Finally, please stay with us. The battle has just begun, and we need you on our team. Every warrior makes us all stronger. KOMT!!!